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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- MIL!!

184 replies

Needsomehope · 21/05/2020 16:49

Looking for some perspective!

I have a newborn. MIL lives next door, and DH works with DFIL etc so for the purposes of lockdown we are ‘one household’ (decision made by my DH I wouldn’t of said we are but hey ho!)

Last night I lost it with MIL who keeps walking into our house unannounced. She will chap the door, and then if I don’t answer, she comes in and starts shouting ‘hello hello’.

The first couple of times I was annoyed but let it go and DH asked her to text me if she was planning on coming round as one of the times she work our baby that I had just spent an hour settling to sleep.

She did this again yesderday, turning up, unannounced, chapping the door that I ignored, and then walked straight in through our kitchen and through our house, shouting ‘hello hello’ again waking our baby up, just when I needed her to nap so I could make supper. I was visibly angry with her and was very short, she left very quickly when i made it obvious she was bothering us at a bad time.

Since having our baby she has made zero effort to help us out with any housework, cooking, gardening or even asked how I am. We don’t really have a relationship (positive or negative) but this is now swinging it towards a negative one.

AIBU that I should expect a text before coming round? Or that if I don’t answer the door she shouldn’t come in?

Should I expect more from her?

OP posts:
Billben · 21/05/2020 20:39

and why does your dh work with his dad rather than finding his own work?

Do you even realise how stupid this comment sounds 😂

Mittens030869 · 21/05/2020 20:47

*and why does your dh work with his dad rather than finding his own work?
*
Ridiculous comment. There are so many family businesses, why should families not work together??

Hoggleludo · 21/05/2020 20:50

Ha. I’d stand at the top of the stairs when she comes in and start making loud sex noises

Bet she wouldn’t turn up unannounced again!

heartsonacake · 21/05/2020 20:54

YANBU, but you are not one household and should not be mixing as you are not living under one roof.

Obbydoo · 21/05/2020 21:15

Absolutely lock the door but why on earth do you think she should be doing your housework? Bizarre.

minielise · 21/05/2020 21:17

Electric shock door handle!

Minesateaorthree · 21/05/2020 21:49

Mine did this, with her key and would just walk in. It totally enraged me. We changed front door and (whilst she was given a key for emergencies) my husband made it clear that she was to knock just as we do for her. Now she'll knock on the lounge window instead.
So annoying. Use the bloody door knocker and if we don't answer then we don't want to see you right now!!

Sweetiepye · 21/05/2020 23:02

Our first home after dh and I were married was a very small house, with both bedrooms opening into the hall. I remember one morning, about 8am, after I had been up most of the night with my 2 dds. They had both fallen asleep, so I was trying to have a long lie, with the bedroom door open so I could hear dd1 in the other room. I was woken by someone calling “you hoo.” I looked up in horror to see my mil’s eyes, looking at me through the letterbox! Sadly it wasn’t an isolated instance and even asking her not to intrude in this way and putting a draught excluder on the door didn’t stop her. We had to buy a new door (an expense we didn’t need) with the letterbox at the bottom. Mil even had the cheek to complain that she couldn’t look through it now.

SpookyNoise · 21/05/2020 23:03

I need to know what ‘doing your messages’ means!

Happyadventurer · 21/05/2020 23:07

@SpookyNoise, it’s a Scottish term for going shopping 😊

Nottherealslimshady · 21/05/2020 23:07

@FastApprochingForty knock a door run!

AllsortsofAwkward · 21/05/2020 23:08

Yabu for expecting her to cook clean or so gardening. Yanbu for her calling unannounced but to be honest what did you expect moving next door. I would never live so close to my inlaws.

Nottherealslimshady · 21/05/2020 23:11

Dont ask her to let you know when shes coming round. Tell her to ask you before coming round. I think she'd just stand at the door shouting you if you locked the door so you'll have to face it head on

maresydoats · 21/05/2020 23:13

Honestly who just enters someone else's house with no warning? Is this a thing now or what? I would never do it nor would most others either.

But maybe there is an ulterior motive going on, kind of controlling, just to see how WELL you are looking after the beloved son or something!

The biggest thing coming from your post OP, is the lack of a fecking bolt! Get that done pronto.

Ilovemypantry · 21/05/2020 23:37

Just lock the door so she can’t just walk in....simple solution.

Timekeeper1 · 22/05/2020 08:16

People are assuming it is farming. Nowhere does she say anything of the sort.

TabbyMumz · 22/05/2020 08:46

"Since having our baby she has made zero effort to help us out with any housework, cooking, gardening or even asked how I am"
This is where you lost me. Why on earth should she help you with housework, cooking, gardening? That's yours and your partners job isnt it?! I would never dream of thinking someone else should do that for me.

TabbyMumz · 22/05/2020 08:47

What is "chapping:? Do you mean knocking?

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2020 08:54

People are assuming it is farming. Nowhere does she say anything of the sort.

No it doesn't, which is why I asked. But as the OP hasn't answered, we won't know

Nanny0gg · 22/05/2020 08:55

@TabbyMumz

What is "chapping:? Do you mean knocking?

Yes. Explained ^^upthread.
Regional colloquism

PenCreed · 22/05/2020 09:19

It's completely irrelevant to the thread, but I am enjoying all the Scottish phrases being used. I had to explain to DH what "shoogle" meant a while ago, and "messages" always make me think of my granny (it's nearly 30 years since she was able to get her own messages and she's long since died, so that's right back to my childhood).

@Needsomehope - do you generally get on ok with your MIL? Can you have a calm conversation about it, or is she the type to take offence? You're NBU to be upset, but if you have to live that close then you have to try and maintain some kind of civil relationship.

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 22/05/2020 09:21

YANBU for not wanting her to waltz in unannounced but why have you mentioned she’s not done any housework ect? That’s not her job- she should ask you how you are but it’s not up to her to come up and tidy for you.

derxa · 22/05/2020 09:24

The MIL's coat's on a shoogly peg

happypoobum · 22/05/2020 09:25

Well you are lucky it is just your MIL wandering into your house uninvited, rather than someone who wishes to harm you. Why on earth do you not lock your door? Confused

This is a bit of a non issue as it is so simple to resolve. Lock door and ignore her. Put phone on silent.

Time for Big Girls Pants.

Agree totally with PP - you will HAVE to move.

hammeringinmyhead · 22/05/2020 09:26

Oh dear OP. You're going to get a load of posters jumping on the MiL/housework comment. I understand why you mentioned it though - my MiL comes round and will always offer to wash up any cups or take DS for an hour. When I had a newborn and DH was back at work she and my mum did our weeding! It's not so bad if the intrusiveness is tied in with a desire to be helpful, especially if you are disabled and unable to have your usual care.

I second locking it and also putting a post-it on the door saying "baby sleeping".