AIBU- MIL!!

[Needsomehope]

Looking for some perspective!

I have a newborn. MIL lives next door, and DH works with DFIL etc so for the purposes of lockdown we are ‘one household’ (decision made by my DH I wouldn’t of said we are but hey ho!)

Last night I lost it with MIL who keeps walking into our house unannounced. She will chap the door, and then if I don’t answer, she comes in and starts shouting ‘hello hello’.

The first couple of times I was annoyed but let it go and DH asked her to text me if she was planning on coming round as one of the times she work our baby that I had just spent an hour settling to sleep.

She did this again yesderday, turning up, unannounced, chapping the door that I ignored, and then walked straight in through our kitchen and through our house, shouting ‘hello hello’ again waking our baby up, just when I needed her to nap so I could make supper. I was visibly angry with her and was very short, she left very quickly when i made it obvious she was bothering us at a bad time.

Since having our baby she has made zero effort to help us out with any housework, cooking, gardening or even asked how I am. We don’t really have a relationship (positive or negative) but this is now swinging it towards a negative one.

AIBU that I should expect a text before coming round? Or that if I don’t answer the door she shouldn’t come in?

Should I expect more from her?

@Nymeriastark1 Because I make a natural assumption that she was once a new mother and knows the trials and tribulations thereof and doesn't offer to help. That's a lazy cunt in my book.

Ok so my solution with similar (when talking to ILs and asking them not too didn’t work) was to wander round the house naked so when they let themselves in they had an eyeful and never let themselves in unannounced again

I'm assuming family farm. Lock the door and leave the key in it.

What did she say/do when she realised she'd woken your baby?

I also think if you locked the door she'd carry on knocking until she had your attention.

We call it Knocky-Nine-Doors.

Also, my ILs live up the street from us and before covid would regularly just pop in, my friends do this too. But we love this. Family and friends are respectful so if they do drop round and can see we're busy, they'll leave.
If you don't want/like this then definitely sit her down and explain. For some it's very, very normal.

With regards to helping with housework, etc., I personally would hate for someone to come in and start tidying up my house.

Same here. I especially hate it when either my DM or my MIL try to take over help in the kitchen.

The op is disabled.... Any human with a moral compass would help out. Never mind the dgm of your dc ffs!! She is a disgrace imo.

@mummypie17 wtf your in laws moved in and no one said hang on a minute WTF are you doing here?!

OP that is rubbish, definitely tell her, preferably in front of DH and thete can be no 'misunderstanding'.

I wouldn’t have liked living next door to my in-laws. They have both passed now. My parents have also passed and DH and I are both only children so nobody disturbs us.

chapping is a new word for me too but the context made it obvious.

Leave your husband out of this. Text her directly. ‘Sorry I was short with you earlier but I was so busy and you had woken the baby. In future I’ll keep the door locked unless you’ve told me you’re popping over so it won’t be a problem again. If you came at about XX time you could maybe give him/her a bottle/bath? Let me know xx’.

Lock the door and move - make it possible.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to think the mil could help out when you’ve just had a baby. Her visits are one sided with no benefit to you, I wouldn’t be a fan of anybody who was waking my baby!
My mil would come for tea cups of tea and to talk for hours about herself, however she didn’t help with anything and wouldn’t even hold the baby. Now the children are older she wonders why we don’t see her often.

Lock the door, leave the key in if she has a spare.

Unless she texts don't let her in.

Leave a permanent note on the door "baby napping please no loud knocking"

Move.

It seems very strange to me to move next door to a MIL you have "no relationship" with, and stranger still not to establish one after having moved in. How long have you been married, OP?

Get a lock for your door and even if she asks DONT GIVE HER A KEY!!!!!
She cant exactly complain that she cant stroll into your house, uninvited.

A cold chill went through me as soon as I read that you lived next to mil.

Why on earth would you live next door to your in laws ?

nah. Clapping is for the dog

Nope. Clapping is for the NHS. Every Thursday at 8pm .

I'm guessing you're maybe farmers ? But just lock the door!

Totally not the point of the thread but I'm intrigued as to what clapping the dog is! Can someone tell me please?

See, this is why it is never, ever, a good idea to live right next to your MIL. Ever. I've seen so many 'all his family live in the one town and pop into each other's houses all the time unannounced', 'we live in the same street as MIL and she lets herself in all the time' (cue people suggesting you have sex in the loungeroom to scare her away) etc etc, we all on here know the script off by heart. It NEVER ends will living right next to MIL.

You will eventually have to move, for your own sanity. Sorry, but the only solution is to move. As I said I have read so many threads on here about this/and similar issues. I could NOT and would NOT, ever, live next to MIL, no matter how close we were. In fact, it would be a deal breaker even during engagement for me, and I would certainly divorce rather than live next to ILs or family. That is automatically a road to disaster. I don't know why people actually do this or what they are thinking. We can all see how this movie ends. Having a disability and being rural doesn't suit either, so if you don't move so as to have a normal family life, you will need to if disability services are scarce in your area. So I really think moving is the only option. Unless you actually want to live next to your MIL for the rest of your life.

Lock her out! Remind her how hard/ important it is to get newborns to sleep! Get DH to speak to her

Lock the door.

Plan to move.

Get your husband to have words! You need some chill time alone without the stress of that!

This will not get much better. Mil lives a few miles from me but used to turn up unannounced! Lockdown has been lovely as I’ve been able to relax without her turning up - as bad that sounds. I do miss them just not the randomly turning up!

Be naked more often round the house. It's hot weather.

Did you PILs gift you the site? Perhaps the house too.

Lock the door, leave key in it.

Invite your MIL to call around at a specific time that suits you and nap-time, implying that she shouldn't call around until then