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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

218 replies

tally79 · 20/05/2020 22:01

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 21/05/2020 00:37

@gnushoes why would it matter if the OP were American?

Savingshoes · 21/05/2020 00:37

Your PIL have sacked off their nurse and arranged for their adult children to care for them.
Your SIL has done her bit and now it's your DH's turn.
A decision was made that residing in the PIL second home would allow this set up to work and ensure covid rules.
As you are not their son or daughter, your choice was to stay isolated in your own London property alone and heavily pregnant or keep your DH company.
You make the decision to temporarily move away from your maternity team, family and friends to keep your DH company.
Now you're being sacked off so the new help can arrive - the house help rather than care.
I would say your DH has a choice to make; return to care for your PIL alone and risking not being part of the birth of his child as he'll be required to 14 day isolate before seeing anyone or he tells your PIL to pay for help whilst he stays home with you, in London.

copperoliver · 21/05/2020 00:41

Why can't he stay in the annex and just socially distance, when he needs to come in the house. X

Euclid · 21/05/2020 00:44

Your post is so badly drafted that I thought that you were worrying that you might be pregnant by the handyman.

Crookshanksthecat · 21/05/2020 00:47

I really hate the attitude of I'm pregnant so I must be everyone's top priority and everyone has to do what I say. Unless you're about to pop stop being so self absorbed. If your PIL own the house and all they've asked is could you leave for just one night that is not at all unreasonable.

gnushoes · 21/05/2020 00:47

@JingsMahBucket I wondered if it might explain the complete oddness of her post. Not saying Americans are odd - just that there seems to be a complete clash of cultures in this situation. And her spelling is consistently US.

JustStayHome · 21/05/2020 00:48

I wouldnt rush back to be honest.

I would wait afew days, as he maybe infectious

If you go back tomorrow, your going to have to disinfect everything.

I wouldn't fancy that at all

nomorequilton · 21/05/2020 00:53

I be wouldn't act as a nurse or carer for pil anyway, pregnant or not. So I wouldn't be going back regardless.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/05/2020 00:59

Sorry I thought this was AIBU?, it appears I've accidentally stumbled into a Downton Abbey thread

Alsohuman · 21/05/2020 01:02

Well, that’s ten minutes I’ll never get back again. Sounds like a badly conceived novel to me.

SpooniesAreGo · 21/05/2020 01:16

Funny how when it’s a wealthy man flying all over the world so he can abandon his kid to go quarantine alone in a holiday home everyone’s screeching about how it’s actually perfectly safe to fly, he’s well within his right to go to a holiday home, OF COURSE he shouldn’t be expected to stay in the same country as his wife when they’ve had a tiff, what if he was a woman in an abusive marriage??

But when a woman who isn’t wealthy travels to her own family’s home in order to provide essential care, the knives come out.

Winterlife · 21/05/2020 01:31

The time to have told PIL that if you went back to London, you had no intention of returning, was before a final decision had been made.

forrestgreen · 21/05/2020 01:41

I'd say as the handyman has been in the house, you can't return for x days (as long as corona can live on surfaces). Because you're not comfortable with that.
Basically use any of pil conversation back to them.

AuroraBore · 21/05/2020 01:41

This is my favourite line…

"some laborer that mows their lawn"

GarlicSoup · 21/05/2020 02:02

Why is fil organising stuff at your home?

Because it's his house.

EileenAlanna · 21/05/2020 02:22

Did your PIL offer you the use of their country house or did you just decide for yourself that that's what you wanted to do? Was the length of time you'd be there discussed at all? Whose plan was it that they'd move into the annex for two weeks to self-isolate, yours or theirs? I agree with a pp, it's entirely likely they want you out & tried to do it without starting WW111.

ScrumptiousBears · 21/05/2020 02:54

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smokescreen · 21/05/2020 03:28

I'm with you on this op.

Stay at home, relax, say you're not up to the drive back/had a funny turn. I wouldn't go back

Lynda07 · 21/05/2020 03:58

The MaddHugger, I hope the chicks' permission was sought for being dressed up in those outfits and photographed.

titnomatani · 21/05/2020 04:16

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longtimecomin · 21/05/2020 04:16

Your PIL have been good enough to let you stay at their substantial pile. It's a small ask for you to drive away for one night. I think you sound full of self importance, your PIL are clearly just trying to find a way to do essential maintenance and work whilst keeping everyone safe.

YABU

custardbear · 21/05/2020 04:41

Did you miss the bit about being in a lockdown? Moving to a second home in the lockdown was not allowed from memory, people like Gordon Ramsey and family really criticised for moving from their London home to bring bugs to their country retreat!

And now your PIL are doing the same

Stinks of 'rules that apply to everyone except me' mentality

TheMaddHugger · 21/05/2020 04:46

@Lynda07 sadly I doubt the underaged chooks gave permishoin. Does this count as chick porn ?

TheMaddHugger · 21/05/2020 04:46

Sighhhhh.......... my spellchecker has fled the scene. even it's over this post

Iflyaway · 21/05/2020 04:52

Your post is so badly drafted that I thought that you were worrying that you might be pregnant by the handyman.

I wondered that..... DIL pregnant by the handyman?

I remember reading an article in The Guardian about a guy who's wife was having an (open) affair with the gardener. Now she's pregnant.
Waiting to see who the father is.

It does happen.

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