Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

[tally79]

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

I'd pick the handyman over you any day. Good tradespeople are hard to find.

This has to be bollocks, doesn't it?

They are entitled to do whatever they want. Their house, their rules. But this must work both ways.

No. It works one way. It's their house. They're doing YOU a favour by letting you stay there (and they're being relegated to the annexe FFS). There is no 'other way'. It's their call entirely.

Seriously, you can't be real.

George has clearly met the op before....

Wise man getting her evicted

Handyman can’t stay over. It’s against the rules. You’re only supposed to stay overnight in your own home.

Yanbu, I would be upset too, and I wouldn’t be in a mood to drive back and care for them straight away either.

As an outsider looking in it does sound like your PIL are more thoughtless/inconvenient as opposed to malicious though

What a weird set up. Unfortunately this is the problem with living in someone else’s house, their rules go etc.

I’m thinking that perhaps the handyman is vulnerable? He can probably avoid covid transmission from touching things in your house by wearing gloves and washing his hands, but probably didn’t want to risk airborne transmission from others nearby.

Just stay at your London place now. And to add, I certainly wouldn’t cook and clean for them regardless of this incident, you’re not a handmaiden

You lost me when you referred to their handyman as 'some labourer'.

Grow the fuck up and get over your delusions of grandeur.

I don't think it is an unreasonable request. If the op and her husband had to drive six hours to stay somewhere else that would be different but it isn't a long journey and it does sound as though the handyman will be doing a lot of work.

As for cooking, cleaning and caring for the in laws, can they not do anything for themselves and what does the 'caring' involve? To me, 'caring' implies helping with bathing and toilet! If I was cooking and cleaning anyway I don't think adding a bit more food to the pot would bother me and husband is surely involved in that too. However they will be quarantining (so op said), for a fortnight so surely it will only mean putting a tray down somewhere for them - and they must be able to look after themselves to an extent if they are isolating.

OP, do you like your husband's parents? Are they pleasant, kindly people?

None of this is very clear.

i wouldnt want you caring for me, or for anyone important to me.
are you expecting a large slice of this country pile eventually.
i think your PIL should get some nice local daily housekeeper/ carer, and leave the house to be a holiday home for the urban poor.

You're heavily pregnant and will soon be having a baby. Why on earth are you the one going to be doing the heavy lifting - looking after, cooking, cleaning - for your inlaws. Your DH should be doing that if they've gotten rid of their nurse/support system.

When is the baby due? Why are you essentially taking on role as a carer now at a time you should be keeping away from everyone and everything. I'd stay put in your own home.

I don't know whether to feel sorry for George being caught in the epicentre of this drama, or to admire him for blagging a comfy sleepover in between a couple of days' work.

I want the op to come back and explain things a bit better, what she has said is quite confusing in some respects. At least it is to me, I have been a bit 'vague' all day :-).

Jesus my partner's sister is like you OP. She is fucking outraged that the owners of the house she has been living in for free! for a year! now want it back for their son. They've given her three months notice but princess is feeling very hard done by that she has been "thrown out" as she doesn't want to leave the fancy address and have to flat share which is all her income can afford her.

Handyman can’t stay over. It’s against the rules. You’re only supposed to stay overnight in your own home

That is not true. You’re incorrectly extrapolating from the ‘travelling for exercise’ advice to all situations.

I think they feel they owe the handyman more conveniences because he's at the country house doing a job (risking his life, etc even though yes he's getting paid but still it's to do a job) whereas you and your DH, I assume they've let you stay at the residence as a favour? So given the choice of whose needs he will attend to - whether it's the handyman (the guy who's doing a favour for him) vs. you both (the ones he's doing a favour for), I guess he feels less bad inconveniencing you. I really don't think he doesn't love or care about you. You are right to feel upset but I think the reasoning was much more practical than to do with caring about a handyman over his family/unborn grandchild, etc.

I'm assuming you don't have a financial share in the country house and your PIL are just doing you a favour, allowing you to live rent-free etc.

If he was making you drive back on your own that'd be a bit harsh but the fact you have DH probably eases his conscience in that regard too.

Hang on, so they are reliant on your care in the second home and you will cook and clean for them, while heavily pregnant? When is your baby due? What will you do then?

TBH the R is now lower in London than in many other places. You may as well stay put.

Poor old George

Weird. Will he be sterilising everything before leaving? Or are you expected to do that when you get back? The virus stays on surfaces.

exactly this.. you might as well let him sleep in the same house FFS...

OP if you return to London.. you stay here...

Handyman can’t stay over. It’s against the rules. You’re only supposed to stay overnight in your own home.

Then op is fully in the wrong to have left London and stay in a house that’s not hers....

Whether it is against the rules or not for the handyman (George?), to stay over, that's what he's going to do.

this pic makes as much sense as this post