Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

[tally79]

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

From FIL point-of-view, if the handyman decides he won't go to the house, because you won't vacate, then the jobs simply don't get done. He probably doesn't know how or where to find someone else to do them. You staying in the house literally prevents the maintenance being done.

This is really about the injustice that a person from the labouring class has been given priority above the Princess daughter in law. Every update reasonably makes this point. I agree with you OP, standards have slipped and there are more and more examples of the proliteriate being given status way above thier station. When it is your only family who do this it is insufferable. I can only suggest you report it to the old boys network. Did he not even have a Fag at school? The rouge needs teaching a lesson and I feel you are the person to do it.

Honestly OP your PILs didn't have a choice if they wanted the work done. If you refused to move out of their home so the workman can come in then who is going to do the work?! Heavily Pregnant You?

Why are the PILs being relegated to the bloody annex of their own home?!

Also

some laborer that mows their lawn and fixes their fixtures

For whatever reason, the maintenance can't be done with you in the house. You have your own home to stay in whilst the work is completed.
You are stamping your feet like a petulant child over such a minor issue.

@saraclara. Mmm. Unfortunately I wondered the same.

OP not back to answer questions either....

I don't see why you can't stay in the house while the handyman is there, you say the house is quite large so you presumably wouldn't be bumping into him all the time or sharing a bathroom. What about your husband, you don't say his parents suggested he go back up to town while the work is being done. If it is OK for him to stay put, it must be OK for you too. I just don't get it however I doubt your in laws had thought it all out from your point of view.

So just don’t go back, stay at home in London and let your pils sort themselves out

Given lockdown the whole situation sounds unreasonable but to be honest OP you sound petulant and quite disrespectful about the handyman.

Wow.

Go back to your own house.

I've now seen this, sorry I missed it: "It's both me and DH driving home for the night and coming back tomorrow afternoon."

Your husband will be doing some of the driving then, at least I'd think so. An hour and a half is not that long a journey, some people drive that much each way to and from work every day so why not just do it? It will be nice to have a change of scene. Being pregnant doesn't mean you can't go on a car journey.

Are you serious? You moved during the pandemic to enjoy the luxury of staying in a large country house with multiple acres. The owner of the house wants you to move out for one night for the handyman to do some repairs. But you’re too fucking precious to sit in a car for 1.5 hours because you’re pregnant? Stay home op🙄

@Lynda07 exactly. 1.5 hours in the morning there waking, a bus then a train. And nearly 2 hours coming back due to the awkward times. Also while pregnant. 6 days a week

Eh? So you moved to your PIL country house for lockdown and are now pissed they are having work done? On their own home?? STAY home.

It sounds like there are deeper issues regarding the relationship with the PIL at play here.

I'm assuming you have been using ante natal care at your bolthole?

If nobody has been in your house is it not a good idea to check on it and do some cleaning?

They are entitled to do whatever they want. Their house, their rules. But this must work both ways.

So it's totally their call, but not really?
Talk about entitled..

Walking!

You moved to a second home when we were told not to, it’s not your house - what rent are you paying? He isn’t random, they’ve known him 20years and is fixing their house. Maybe stay in London, close to your doctors if you are due soon and suggest they look at having someone come in again.

Just stay in London. Don't go back to their house.

Gosh OP, I’ve just been reading about the devastating impact of Coronavirus - the loss of life, delayed NHS treatment, thousands preparing to be unemployed, rise in domestic violence, children being left without education for possibly six months.

I was feeling so down already and now I read that you have had to vacate your PIL’s country estate to return to your London home so that a swimming platform can be built. Can the world get any worse?

YANBU from your updates it sounds like your in laws want you to be carers for them.

You don’t have to be a carer/cook/cleaner for anyone unless you choose to OP. If your DH wants to do that for them he can but none of them can make you do it.

Stay home if you’d feel more comfortable there and focus on getting ready for the baby.

I have to say I think you are OTT being so upset by this change in your daily arrangements. Is it really such a big deal? It sounds as though the handyman will be doing a lot of work at the house and, seriously, who wants to be at home when that is going on. You could have a nice break back in London. Being pregnant shouldn't make a difference unless you are about to drop at any second.

Normally I think it’s acceptable for pregnant women to be a bit unreasonable, but in this case my sympathies are with George.