Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

218 replies

tally79 · 20/05/2020 22:01

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
tally79 · 20/05/2020 22:34

@breakingthebank that's exactly what I am saying to DH and he says I'm being petty and unreasonable

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 20/05/2020 22:35

Hmm ok then

TARSCOUT · 20/05/2020 22:35

You now know where you stand so you should just go to your own house and that's it sorted

ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 20/05/2020 22:36

Is his name Mellors????

Oakmaiden · 20/05/2020 22:38

Were you living there before the lockdown?

Not completely relevant, but if you moved there after the lockdown was announced I don't think you can really grumble about having to drive to London and back on the basis of not being supposed to do essential travel. Because frankly, you should have just stayed in your own house, instead of heading for the country....

Also - you have been living in their home for a couple of months now. I don't think asking you to drive an hour and a half to London and back is that unreasonable. You have benefited massively from them already.

As for providing nursing care - tell your husband to do it - they are his parents. But since you would presumably be cooking and cleaning for your family anyway, then it would be churlish to be in the same house as them and to refuse to cook for them.

Lydia777 · 20/05/2020 22:38

Sorry you are being very very unreasonable and crazily dramatic. Unless there is some underlying problem with your pregnancy then you are surely able to sit in a car to drive 1 1/2 hours... And clearly they have respect for someone who has worked for them for years which is admirable in my opinion...In the nicest possible way, cop on.

crispysausagerolls · 20/05/2020 22:38

We are staying there as we felt this was the most safe and sustainable place for us to be as we can safely walk outside and don't have any neighbors close by

Here we go. So actually to do with your benefit!

SD1978 · 20/05/2020 22:38

Were you paying rent, or just taking advantage of a second home outside London? If you no longer want to care for your in-laws, then don't. They needed work done and the person they employ wanted to ensure social distancing with an empty house. You disagree, and wanted to stay in a house that's not yours, and your PIL have not yet moved to- so obviously youve had the advantage of the country house with none of the caring responsibilities you agreed to so far. Sorry- but very first world. You don't want to stay in their home, their way- move back to London and accept that you won't be upholding your end of the bargain and yet had the advantage of living there when it suited you.

UnholyStramash · 20/05/2020 22:39

So you moved from one house in London to a country home after lockdown? Tut tut tut! Is the house in London theirs too?

krustykittens · 20/05/2020 22:40

I agree with you, op, it's ridiculous that the handyman was prioritised. Nothing sounded terribly urgent either, it could have waited. I wouldn't be running back to wait on them either.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/05/2020 22:40

We are staying there as we felt this was the most safe and sustainable place for us to be as we can safely walk outside and don't have any neighbors close by

Completely understand why you thought this. But now that you know that your 'residence' isn't as secure as you thought, it may be time to reevaluate. What happens if something else breaks down or if the PiL decide to have other work done? Will you again be asked to leave? And if you were planning to stay there after the baby is born, would they expect you to drive back to stay in London then?

Was 'George' afraid you'd infect him? I'd think he'd be just as afraid to stay in the house after you'd left. What if you left 'germs' behind?

StepAwayFromGoogle · 20/05/2020 22:40

You are really making a mountain out of a molehill, OP.

Samtsirch · 20/05/2020 22:40

Sorry to play 👿 advocate , but is there the slightest chance your PILs wanted you out of their property ?
They certainly haven’t made you a priority, which seems unfair given your circumstances.
They are either trying to tell you something, or are incredibly selfish and taking you for granted.

Proudboomer · 20/05/2020 22:41

If they are so dependant how the hell are they going to self isolate in the annex for 2 weeks?

QualityFeet · 20/05/2020 22:41

They just want the work done on tenor house that you are living in. They aren’t putting the handyman first but need his help to do jobs that you aren’t goi h to do if he doesn’t. I don’t get the drama, it’s a short drive. Have a nice evening in your home and try to find the charm in your in laws.

steff13 · 20/05/2020 22:42

If the work needs to be done, and those are the circumstances under which the the handyman is willing to do it, then I think that's fair enough. Were you going to fix the dryer, put steps in the pond, fix the drip, etc., if the handyman didn't come?

You have a safe place to stay, I don't really think they're choosing his safety over yours.

Namechangedforthis1357 · 20/05/2020 22:42

some laborer that mows their lawn and fixes their fixtures

Your attitude to the little peasant stinks so I'm not surprised.
The disdain and revulsion you clearly feel about servants just seeps out of you and will come across in your body language, voice, facial expressions - everything - and I really feel for the poor guy who probably has an elderly wife at home who may well be struggling.

Shame on you, Princess.

Oakmaiden · 20/05/2020 22:43

Also - run your shower for 20 mins and flush the loo a couple of times if your house has been empty - as legionnaires disease builds up in standing water in pipes.

And don't breathe the water vapour....

Splitsunrise · 20/05/2020 22:46

So stay home now I think

HeddaGarbled · 20/05/2020 22:46

Yeah, I think this could be a massive hint that they want you out. Pissed off that they can’t just move into their own house but have to ‘self-quarantine’ in the annex because you’re there, I reckon.

You’re all unreasonable, by the way. None of you should be moving nor should have moved into the second home, as you all know full well.

JumpingAtJackdaws · 20/05/2020 22:47

some laborer that mows their lawn well aren't you a peach? Heaven forbid you should have to clap eyes on the staff.

PamDenick · 20/05/2020 22:47

You need to stay in your London home for a while. Say that you have a midwife appt.
And calm down a bit.

elenacampana · 20/05/2020 22:47

I just can’t stand your attitude to the ‘staff’. You do sound like a princess and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this man just didn’t want to come across you so he found a way to make sure you wouldn’t be there and I really wouldn’t blame him.

Ilovecats14 · 20/05/2020 22:47

Well it's not your house its theirs, and they want you to go home for 1 night. Not really your decision.

Lochroy · 20/05/2020 22:48

Golly, there are elements of the ridiculous coming from everyone involved here.

Just tell PIL you can't go back because the house is now grossly contaminated, and they should continue to pay George to do the chores they would have had you do. (Not quite sure why you'd have agreed to move in to play nurse when your heavily pregnant in the first place? But I guess this gives you an out).

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread