Pregnant DIL or Handyman?

[tally79]

Tell me who is AIBU: me or my PIL

Before I begin, I want to fully acknowledge how lucky we are to even be having these problems.

My PIL have a country house that is large and on several acres. We have been living there since early March. They are for the first time relocating to come here next week. The house is large and has an annex so the plan is they will self quarantine for 2 weeks before moving into main house for the summer.

I am also heavily pregnant.

Today I receive a call from my FIL asking me if I can drive back to London and sleep in our house there for the night as a handyman that they have had for 20+ years is coming back today to do errands on the grounds and fix several things indoors. Apparently he said to my FIL that he does not want to drive 1+ hours back to his house tonight as he can't finish everything on the list in one day.

So FIL decided that it was ok to have his pregnant daughter in law drive that same 1.5 hours back into London because he did not want to inconvenience this handyman.

I asked DH to speak to his father but he doesn't see anything wrong with some random worker coming into the house, sleeping and touching everything inside as DH's entire family feels more concerned about keeping the handyman safe and not inconvenienced then their own son's family.

Aside from the judgement of all this house moving, how is this reasonable to put a handyman's safety and preference over me/us?

Handyman is in his 60s and has worked for family for 20 years.

You refer to someone who has worked for them for twenty years who they obviously value and trust to do a good job as some random worker, some labourer. I think that's really quite spoilt and rude.

Stay where you are now. I don't think you should be moving between houses and now that you are back it would surely be against guidelines to move again?
How pregnant are you? which house is nearer to your hospital?

"some laborer that mows their lawn and fixes their fixtures

Your attitude to the little peasant stinks so I'm not surprised.
The disdain and revulsion you clearly feel about servants just seeps out of you and will come across in your body language, voice, facial expressions - everything - and I really feel for the poor guy who probably has an elderly wife at home who may well be struggling.

Shame on you, Princess."

I agree completely. You are coming across as a spoilt brat. Pregnancy is not a disability.

People are asking questions but all the answers are in the opening post.

They moved their for lockdown.
They are not renting it is her parent in laws home.
She's already back at her house.

Their house their rules. Why don't you stay in your own house. You sound a little pampered.

Really wish you’d enabled voting OP - I would say 80% plus saying YABU but you don’t want to hear it. Do you always need to get your own way IRL? What else would you have suggested given work needed done on the house?

I get you OP and it's really really bizarre. You're right to feel hurt and angry.

Why are you expected to cook and clean for them? Why not your DH, esp since you're pregnant?

Also why can't your husband cut the grass and paint the rooms then you could have stayed

It's their house. You have a home of your own but chose to spend time at theirs instead.
An hour and a half is nothing. You're being really precious and entitled. It's not as though you've been thrown out to stay in a hotel.

It's your PIL's house, they need the job doing, they've probably been letting this guy stay when he's had this amount of work to do in the past. So yes, you're taking them for granted and acting in an entitled manner because 'he's only the handyman'

Talk about first world problems. 99.9% of heavily pregnant women are just getting on with their lives in towns and cities all over the country, without a nice country house to bolt to. A night won't kill you.

Wtf? (George) is getting paid to do a job. This isn't like he is doing us a favor helping out. Why would you put him over your own family

I totally understand FIL point-of-view. Competent people to do work in your house, that you trust completely and have a long-term relationship with, are like gold-dust. You treat them well as once you lose them, you may never find their like again. Buying skilled labour isn't like ordering something off Amazon, no two work-men are the same and someone who is good needs to be treated well.

(Perhaps my perspective is warped from being in London, and it's easier elsewhere, but here I often get the impression that many trades can't be arsed to do the the average job householders want doing. Perhaps they have to deal with a lot of time-wasters, and become jaded.)

Family on the other hand are a fairly sure thing, as far as relationships go. No need to butter them up.

Are you American by the way? You're using American spelling.

You’re making it out to be that your PIL can’t survive without you, and that may be true, but you have massively benefited from this setup. You chose to move to their second house to limit your risk and enjoy your daily walk without seeing anyone. I think it’s fair that you are expected to look after your PIL after they’ve let you live in their house for two months. You could have taken the annexe to begin with or moved in knowing your PIL were coming back. When your PIL have to self isolate in the annexe of their own home, I’m not surprised that they will chose a trusted employee of many years over you.

The way you talk about the handyman is disgusting. Your posts reek of how entitled you are and how you clearly feel you should be higher up the pecking order, not just because your his DIL but also because you’re not “some labourer”. This person is elderly and is doing two days worth of hard graft on the house that you have been enjoying for two months. Adding in a swimming platform sounds like you would have had a lovely first summer with your baby at this house with your PIL. I think it’s admirable that your PIL aren’t forcing George to drive 1.5 hours after working all day on the house and driving back the next day. It’s not unreasonable that trusted labourers are sent further afield to work (and stay overnight). My dad has asked his handyman to travel to their second home and provide the handyman with a few nights stay. I think if you refuse to go back and help your PIL then you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Meghan?

To put this in context, for about 25 years an hour-and-a-half was something I drove twice a day, five days a week. The length of my daily commute.

Their attitude towards you stinks
Your attitude to the handyman stinks
Your husband's attitude is deeply suspect - does he always go along with whatever they say?

Yes, find reasons to stay at home now. How pregnant are you? I imagine driving back and forth without access to public loos is going to be problematic, and you're also going to want to be handy for the hospital soon, so start digging your heels in. Your H can always look after his parents without you - maybe that'll be a reality check for him?

Have any of you actually followed the rules of lockdown?

Sorry OP, I think you sound spoiled and rude too. I do not like the way you refer to George. Stay in your own house if you don't like the terms at your PILs. It sounds as if you want all the privileges. If you had been thoughtful about George I could have gone a certain way along your argument with you but you sound so entitled and hoity toity that you lost me.

I'm so confused by all this, why are you staying in your PILs second home? Why will they not cope without you? How close to giving birth are you and which house is closer to the hospital you're giving birth in? A full story would help us help you as to whether YABU. The snippets you've given us make you sound very unreasonable but I get the feeling were not getting the whole story

Sorry to burst your bubble but the world dont stop just because your pregnant🙄

Namechangedforthis1357 wrote:

"...the poor guy who probably has an elderly wife at home..."

And Lydia777 agreed.

OP said the handyman is "in his 60s". My DH is in his 60s. I'm only just into my 60s and very far from elderly.

Your own attitude stinks too: a very ageist attitude, as is too often seen on MN these days.

If you choose to live in your PIL’s house, this is what you can expect. You are the guest, not them. They can do as they see fit. If you don’t like that, move back into your own home. Then you can lay the law down just as you please.

Posters aren’t reading your updates.

YANBU.

Stay in your own home in London now. PIL will have to make their own arrangements for help.

Will this home be left to you? Were you trying it out / having a practice run?