To be curious about boarding school children being at home all the time and the parents...

[blueglassandfreesias]

I wonder how it is having children around the house all the time when parents of boarders aren't used to it.
I saw something about Harrow/ Eton etc will not be re-opening until September.
For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

@sodamncold

Sorry this is so hard for you to accept.

I think the most important thing is for children to know they are loved. If a brother gets sent to a famous old school, but his sister gets much less interest in her education, that could feel very unloving for the sister. On the other hand I am sure that in the past being sent to boarding school might have felt like a rejection and it is possible that some children have quite mixed feelings about it, even today.

I have heard it said - and this is very theoretical and unsubstantiated - that a potent factor in bullying at boarding schools can be that some children feel unwanted and so have a "tough" attitude and might pick on children who give the impression of being less "tough" perhaps because of evidence of an affectionate relationship with their parents.

Children can interpret unrelated circumstances in their life as being "their fault" and this can have unintended consequences.

I do also remember a boarder at one school I attended (I wasn't a boarder myself) feeling very out of place; she had an East End accent. I was really sorry for her but didn't know what I could do to help and she left quite soon after she started.

Paquitavariation

Have we spoken before? If not, hello.
Mine started her music school at 11, she wanted to go when she was 8 but we wouldn't allow her to.
She has absolutely thrived, but I'm dreading when she leaves school tbh.
I know where she is going already, they offered her a place, but she has to audition again when all the others do, she snuck in underage non of the teachers noticed. No way will we afford expensive flights to Boston.
It's just like 5 years ago, when I didn't want her to go, she's only a 40 min train journey away at school. I'll miss her like mad.

@MarginalGain Don't want to de-rail, but I have liked a lot of your posts recently re Covid. Do you have a DS at Eton?

herecomesthesun where's the 'like' button?

I went to boarding school from age 10, as did DH. My DB from age 8.

It is certainly a very different life experience from going to day school.

I didnt hate it (although DH and DB both did), on the other hand, we and DB would NEVER have considered sending ours unless circumstances somehow dictated (services/posted abroad, exceptional talent, SEN).

After my DM died two years ago and I was sorting out papers, I came across many letters she and my DF wrote to each other. It was noticeable how very little their children were mentioned.

I'll bite! It's very very very very lovely and I feel very grateful that I'm getting to spend much more time with my children than I would normally get to. We don't really send our children away because we can't be arsed with them or dislike them.

no, there's loads of people calling the Op goady, and madly justifying their choice.

There's also a lot of people with nothing to "justify" who called the OP out for being goady.

Why's it goady to ask this? Genuinely?

Hence you get families who have sent their children to Eton/Harrow/whatever for generations because basically they are snobs, not necessarily because they are trying to get 'ride' of their children but because they are trying to hold on to their so-called 'social standing' within their own little elitist groups

@Cyberattack I think it's impossible for children to get into Eton nowadays (and Harrow, I imagine, though have little direct knowledge of Harrow) just because their families went there. Of all the schools my DC have attended, Eton is by far the most meritocratic and needs-blind of the lot. Nobody cares who your family is, either at the Admissions stage or once you are a pupil there. It's very difficult to get in at all, and your background makes no difference. The only thing that matters is what you can give to the school and to your wider local community. Boys are encouraged the whole time to believe that they can do absolutely anything they like, regardless of money, background, or anything else, so long as they are willing to do the spade-work - and this translates, for them, into personal success but also, more importantly, into all kinds of initiatives both in and outside of school which benefit people who are significantly less fortunate than they are. It is the most phenomenal place.

@EstoPerpetuan but if money and class etc aren’t an issue and are nothing to do with how you get into Eton why don’t they scout primary schools, have kids spotted in year 7 and 8 at comps etc. I know they do offer this in some ways and have some competitive scholarship programs etc but it’s hardly like a boy at a primary on an estate in Sunderland is going to get a knock on his door asking him to go to Eton because he’s so bright.

Expensive Prep schools all over London and the SE use their Eton admissions rates as a way to entice parents to send their lads there, promising that they’ll get them into the top schools etc .. these are schools that some parents don’t even know exist never mind try and send their kids to.

So how is it equal?

Why's it goady to ask this? Genuinely?

why is it goady to state that parents of boarders don't know how to deal with their own children because they are not used to them? Why do you think...

I read it like the op was wondering if parents realised they were enjoying their kids' company and might rethink. I didn't realise there was a massive agenda to all this.

maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

What part of that isn't judgemental and goady? Parents of children at boarding school don't know them?

🤷‍♀️

If a home-schooling parent asks you how you deal with your children at the weekend as you are not used to see them, how would you take it?

It's too transparent to be offensive, but come on.

That's totally different.

I just don't get the angst. If people are happy then why not just say, we're happy both when DCs at home or school?

I'm not goady, just stumbled into this as an ex hoarder who's always wondered how my parents felt.

Why's it goady to ask this? Genuinely?

You really can't see anything goady about how they would have to "get to know their kids" as if they never see them or about the phrase "send their children away from them." Really? I can't believe anyone is unable to see it.

Anyway, I notice that the OP has vanished.

I can't! It seems reasonable to me.

It's obvious you don't see or know your children as well if they're away at school.

t's obvious you don't see or know your children as well if they're away at school.

Bear in mind boarding schools usually get 4-5 weeks at Christmas and at Easter, 1-2 weeks each half term, an exeat weekend (fri lunch to sun pm/mon am) twice a term and 11-13 weeks off over the summer, and you’ll see how their parents are in fact very used to having them at home full time for long periods of time. It’s only during termtime that they’d see less of them.

I think people are ‘madly justifying their choice’ because the OP’s post is passive aggressive and implies that people who send their children to boarding school don’t know their children and don’t want to. So people are, quite understandably, explaining why they use boarding schools, and clarifying that they do know their children and quite like them.

I just don't understand it.