To be curious about boarding school children being at home all the time and the parents...

[blueglassandfreesias]

I wonder how it is having children around the house all the time when parents of boarders aren't used to it.
I saw something about Harrow/ Eton etc will not be re-opening until September.
For families who aren't used to dealing with their children daily, maybe some are re-thinking sending their children away and enjoying getting to know their kids.

Maybe it just comes down to priorities and what you believe is most important for your child. I believe that growing up as part of a family where you spend time together every day is the main priority and then education/socialising with peers, whilst also very important, comes a definite second. Some families seem to make their children's best-possible education (which some perceive as being achieved by boarding) the main focus of their children's lives and then work their family life around that.

Totally agree with that. I also believe it is important for children to be able to be a big part of the community in which they live. I'm not in the UK, but most people here who send their children to boarding school do it because they went, or because they are snobs and don't think the local schools are good enough.

@EtonianMother Thanks, that's kind of you (I feel a bit like I'm going mad sometimes). Yes, I have a boy there. I take it you do too?

I get that using FaceTime etc makes it easier to keep up with teens at boarding school these days. But what do you do when they are four hours away and they FaceTime you sobbing because they’re being bullied or they’ve fallen out with a friend etc? No judgement in this question - it’s not for me but each to their own. But I genuinely don’t think I could bear that.

I've never received a sobbing phone call, I'm sure it happens, but a good boarding school can identify what kind of kid will do well there in the first instance.

We applied to one boarding school for my non-boarding son just to keep the options open, and he did very well on the entrance exam but was turned down because they quite rightly worked out that he didn't want to board, as did we.

Parents can be selfish not to send their children to boarding school, I wish mine had as they didn't want me. I doubt I would have enjoyed it but it would have been better than home.

I was home-schooled (don't particularly want to get into the pluses and minuses of it now) and OP does remind me a little of the few people from that community who have been saying gleefully, "Well, now everyone has to look after their own children rather than dump them in schools all day."

So whatever educational choices you make, someone somewhere will be judging you for them.

(NB: This is a minority of home schoolers; most of them seem to be understanding and I've seen a lot of sharing of resources.)

My much older sisters went to boarding school for educational stability, I didn't and lost chunks of education moving around but wouldn't have been happy boarding.

It was so different way back when though only relying on letters and even booking trunk calls!

Now that my kids are adults I can see that one of them would have benefited a great deal from boarding school.

Some posters seem to not realise that some boarding schools offer an education far, far superior to any outstanding state school.

I left boarding school nearly 40 years ago. Currently having regular zoom meetings / online chats with 20+ of my classmates.

As a family, we have pretty much always, always had tea together every night. It is a rare night we have missed a family meal, unless somone is away. When my eldest left to go to University, we all noticed the gap at the table. That is my family life. Obviously parents who send their children away to school don't value that sort of daily interaction or they wouldn't do it. I am sure they have their own values - probably more aspirational and sporty than ours - and their children may be huge successes. But now we are in lockdown, how I am enjoying our family meals, they are the warp and weft of our daily life as a family.

Billy, I heartily endorse most of what you say - but have to disagree with this:

Of course there are disinterested parents who send their kids to boarding school because it’s easier

In my (entirely current) experience there is nothing easy about either the entry process or the day to day reality. I am admittedly talking about a 'major public school' which operates only full boarding.

Registration, that is - registering an interest in applying - has to happen before the child is ten and a half. They then take a pre-test (which is now the definitive entrance exam) in year 6, at which point they may be offered a conditional place, put on the waiting list or rejected. Those with a conditional place then prepare (if at a prep school) for Common Entrance, another exam, at the end of year 8. They will also have visited at least three boarding houses - and it is the housemaster, rather than parents or child, who choose which boys they will accept for their house.

Full boarding fees can now be close to £45k per year. We don't know anyone who can pay this amount for five years without a thought. We do know of A list celebrities and international oligarchs who cannot get a place at the school, despite pleading and inducements.

Not everyone pays, of course. Around 20-25% of pupils receive some level of bursary - after their parents have been closely interviewed, filled in a long, and gruellingly intrusive application form detailing their financial background, and submitted to a home visit to ensure they have given an accurate representation of their circumstances.

Then the child takes up their place - and their family spends the next five years haring up and down the motorway of flung about in planes and trains, both for purposes of general support and interest but also to pick up and drop off for the never-ending round of exeats and holidays.

If any part of this is easy I haven't yet stumbled upon it!

Family tea is nice but it wouldn't be a reason for me not to choose a brilliant school.

Let's be honest here...if I had had a spare forty grand per year per child and children that wanted to go I would have sent them off to boarding school at 13 plus like a shot. Those big old public schools have facilities and opportunities that would make their local comp look like a joke tbh.

People seem to forget that....

I believe in parents having the right to choose. I m not a boarding fan and my psychiatrist father saw a lot of people damaged by it, even those only going at age 13 and even if the chance of being more distant emotionally from your parents is one in 10,000 I would not bother to take the risk. However I am happy parents can decide. I want to be in a UK where people can make a range of choices without the state interfering.

Pljnty of the very academic leading day schools get better results than a lot of the boarding schools and have good facilities and your children can live at home so I regard things like parents choosing to work abroad or away from decent schools as the parent putting themselves first when instead they could have chosen to live somewhere with very good private day schools.

Oh don't be silly xenia not everyone lives in North London and places like the school your children attended ( that in fact I attended myself) are way harder to get into these days thsn the old public boarding schools and you know it.
You have taken 'smug' to new'levels.

Xenia you miss a detail

You’re in your late fifties/ sixties? Vaguely remember you on money thread talking about releasing your pension.

So your father was treating people >40 years. Realistically the last patient he would have treated 20 years ago?

Boarding schools are unrecognisable

You have a point Xenia but I couldn't for work reasons live in North London (and nor would I want to). I do have friends with kids at the schools you refer to and yes they get excellent results. They are absolute hot houses though and do not give in any way a rounded education.

Family tea is nice but it wouldn't be a reason for me not to choose a brilliant school.

That was my point, different parents have different values. I would never choose a boarding school, no matter how brilliant, as it does not accord with my values. As Xenia says, choice is important. But we must all remember that children don't get the choice - we make it for them. So I do think it is important to think carefully about every facet - there is more to life than academic achievement and sporting brilliance and they are not necessarily the ticket to a contented, fullfilled adult life.

I’d always go for a competitive day school over boarding. So having excess money wouldn’t change that.

On the old boarding schools being easier to get into I’m not sure what is at the same level in terms of difficulty. Not related to above point just curious.

Strawberrypancakes you may have a different type of relationship but it won't necessarily be closer.

I happen to think sending small babies and toddlers to full time nursery is not conducive to either a good relationship or a happy child, but I am willing to believe this isn't always the case.

There are lots of academic schools like Eton and North London Collegiate, Winchester and Haberdashers, boarding and day which are not "hot houses" and provide a great rounded education for the clever child. There are also boarding and day schools for those who are not quite so bright from Millfield to Royal Masonic and many others. I do not think it is a boarding/day differentiation. My 3 sons could have gone to a leading boarding school but did not want to go and that of course is probably because I am not a boarding school fan but I certainly never said that would be a bad choice for you, don't take it, you will have an awful time but nor did I choose a boarding prep school for them either.

I want to live in a UK where parents can choose and we don't have to be state controlled clones. Some parents will want that Saudi UK strict muslim boarding school, some will want the local yeshiva in Stamford hill with boys studying all day long, others want Summerhill (no compulsory lessons), others the local comp, some educate their children at home - the route her parents took with our Queen.

@MarshaBradyo not all children are little academic stars though are they? Which is what you need to be yo get into eg NLCS.
Or St Pauls.

Just because some child is not academically brilliant like xenia's children obviously were doesn't mean they are undeserving of a better education does it?

Destroyed no they are not. I was still curious about the point on public schools being easier. And musing on what would be seen as the same level for a day school and the entry exams.

If my child wasn’t an academic star I’d still go for day it’s not going to alter the fact that much to send them away and they’d still get an education right for them.

A friend of DHS cried because her St Pauls educated dd "only" got into Bristol. I've never forgotten that story and, with total prejudice I admit, judge all London day schools by it.

Our school gets a few from London day schools in the 6th form.

I am still curious that should say. I’m in SE London and we have highly competitive to not really that hard as a range.