Not to be more ambitious for my DD?

[PoorUnfortunateMoles]

I'm a feminist and I always thought I would have a load of lofty ambitions for my DD about her being a scientist or architect, engineer or an artist.
She is very feminine and loves bright, fun, happy, neon things. She loves dancing. She loves Barbie. I'm shocked at how ok I feel about this. Surely if she's happy then there's worse things than enjoying pop songs and dressing up?

If you had a son who really was into football or wrestling or slimy monster toys or some other non academic stereotypically 'boy' thing, would you be equally worried?

There's a really horrible tendency for society to devalue 'feminine' leisure pursuits as vapid and never hold 'masculine' ones to the same scrutiny.

Can I just reiterate what everyone else has said... she's 5 years old! You are reading way too much into transient preferences, she's still absolutely tiny and experimenting with everything and will be for many years to come (I have a 5yo and an 8yo myself) .

But more seriously, based on your later post it seems like you are putting all your insecurities about your own younger self "awkward, ugly" etc onto your DD because you think she's not like you, and massively projecting that she will have this incredibly different personality and life to you just because she isn't how you remember yourself being aged 5. Which recollections probably aren't massively accurate anyway.

Also I have to say your comments about bubbly women with lots of friends who go on spa days came across and incredibly judgemental and derisive. It seems to me like you have a slight fear / insecurity issue around women who you perceive to be more "feminine" or more sociable than you, disguised by looking down on them...? Why does "bubbly" mean something negative to you that implies lack of intelligence? I've known plenty of extremely intelligent professional women who are also great fun, have lots to say for themselves and love a night out or spa day..!

For your DD's good you need to just let go this concern over how she'll be as an adult, continue to encourage a diversity of interests and relax a bit. And also stop judging women who have friends and like spas...!

Why is being into girly things bad? Default boy stuff is good but not default girl stuff?

Dd is 5. Hair, make up, nails etc. She's also exceeding expectations across the board at school and regularly gets spontaneous comments from friends and family about how smart and articulate she is. Her favourite book is Cinderella and she more or less refuses to read anything else. I only read Enid blyton until I was about 8. I have had a successful career and run my own business.

Completely agree with @Rainbowb. Being able to choose who you want to be and how you want to live your life is feminist.

Let your DD be who she wants to be and I'm sure her goals/interests will be v. different in 10 years anyway! [ grin]

I need quite shocked that you let your 5 yr old DD ignore Temple Grandin in preference to Coco Chanel. My own DD (2 and 1/4 has already read Grandin and is now reading Dworkin. I was initially worried because she did a huge poo in her pull-ups when presented with that book, but I think it was appreciation. Or possibly the chicken liver consommé I’d given her as a light snack 🤔

Anyway.....I’ve banned Barbie from my home and erected a small watchtower in the front garden to monitor any pink influx. So far, so good 👍

It’s also excellent for watching out for wind ups.

I love pink and makeup and spa days (the salons here are finally open and I have so many appointments in the next week!) and dresses, but I also have a successful career in the legal field. Those things are not mutually exclusive. My daughter is 9, she loves all the things I love, and when she grows up she wants to be a doctor at children's hospital, a police officer, a mail carrier, a mother, a waitress, and an actress on Disney Channel. I'm not concerned that her attraction to "girly" things is going to inhibit her ambition.

Maybe do some reading on Hedy Lamarr.

She's little and playing with Barbie and pretty things is normal. She'll have picked it up at school and from friends.
I think it's about instilling choice and what makes her happy, not to settle and make sure she chooses a man who'll treat her and her aspirations as equal to his.
In this respect it's something you chip at throughout their childhood, the most important time is during teens when they are assessing other peoples relationships from the view of a young person rather than a child.
For me, it was about discussion when it cropped up in normal activities.

Mine is 16 now and not what you would define as feminine, but as a child she loved pretty pink things, and danced from being 2.5 - 9 when she gave it up for other commitments.
You couldn't get her in a dress (except Bridesmaid) and then she didn't dress it up with jewelry, wore make up as she had to.
Completely different to what she was like at 5.

Yes. Definitely worse things.

The problem isnt girls who are into girly things

The problem is judging those 'girly' things as lesser. The problem is assuming that liking glitter makes you less intelligent. That you cant be into STEM and pink. And that if you arent into STEM you are again 'less good' or less intelligent.

Feminism isnt about making girls into boys. We should be teaching our children of both sexes to be who they want to be, to like what they like regardless of stereotypes. Theres nothing wrong with 'girly'

Shes 5. Who knows what shes going to be? And at the end of the day she doesnt have to be academic, she doesnt have to be a scientist or an artist or an architect or an engineer. Theres more to life than STEM careers, more 'girly' careers are just as good.

There is a great documentary on HULU called "Far from the Tree" about parents struggling to accept children they didn't expect. It's very moving and powerful. A good watch for all of us as parents and to help us look differently at our own parents.

Barbie has been a teacher, a vet, a nurse, a doctor, a pilot, an astronaut, a computer engineer and a major league baseball player yet you dismiss her because she likes pink. There's your problem.

I wanted to be a dog poo collector when I was 5. Can someone please advise me based on this whether I am now a feminist?

I’m a feminist. I’ve raised feminist daughters. I’m also a fulltime housewife, I’ve chosen a traditional role. But the important thing is that I chose it. I see my contribution to the family and society as being as important as that of someone who works outside the home. Just as I think the contribution of a nurse (traditionally female)mid as important as that of an engineer (traditionally male).

Being a feminist doesn’t mean doing the jobs or having the interests that are traditionally male. To me it means placing equal value on what people do, whether they are perceived as masculine or feminine pursuits.

Obvious troll.

It's best if we don't expect our children to be or think any particular "way, they're individuals, not extensions of ourselves and our beliefs.

My DC are two different personalities with different interests and that's just fine.

she is 5 ffs

A good movie is Legally Blonde. Elle becomes a successful lawyer but still loves to be camp, feminine, flamboyant while being very loyal to other women. She shows that the enjoyment of those things has nothing to do with your intelligence.

We live in the USA and my daughter is part of a Sorority and lives in a Chapter house with 100+ other 18-22 year old women. She absolutely loves it and has made so many friends. There is a tendency to stereotype women in Sororities but that didn't stop her and it was the best choice for her and her college experience. Don't devalue things and choices that women enjoy. Simple joy and happiness makes life worth living and helps motivate us to get up in the morning.

This is a joke thread surely.

She's only 5. They can't grasp higher intellectual thought ffs. (Get yourself learnt :) )
Allow her to find joy where she likes. Lipstick, dolls, gallons of pink etc... if she likes it and it's fun and safe then it's good (and learning through imaginative play).

Critical thought can begin around age 9. She might be more receptive to your worthiness then. Probably will. Children are like their parents.

Also you can be feminine and high achieving and or in scientific / engineering fields etc.
My daughter is starting in that field and is very "girly'. I work in that field too and remember being discouraged away from pink as a child but love it now. It was pointless btw.

Your CHILD is 5. The operative word being child. Pink is a pretty colour.

A correlation has been proven between the toys little girls are given and the number of them that then choose STEM subjects

Correlation does not equal causation @MimiSunshine, I can think of many variables. Where did you read that?

She's 5, she will change time and time again before she's an adult. As long as you make a range of toys available to her and not just barbie dolls then there isn't anything wrong with having barbies.

When my dd was born, I didn't dress her in pink, we went for yellows, creams, greens etc. As a tot she played with a Thomas the Tank Engine wooden train set, she was mad keen on Bob the Builder, and she had all sorts of construction toys, zoo animals, dinosaurs, you name it, as well as your typical pink girly stuff. She wasn't all that fond of dolls, and preferred stuffed toys, teddies, dogs, cats etc. Had very little interest in dressing up or princesses etc. She really liked science at school and her favourite tv programme was Top Gear.

What did she become? A professional ballet dancer.

Nice trolling op.

Whatevzzzzzz