Not to be more ambitious for my DD?

[PoorUnfortunateMoles]

I'm a feminist and I always thought I would have a load of lofty ambitions for my DD about her being a scientist or architect, engineer or an artist.
She is very feminine and loves bright, fun, happy, neon things. She loves dancing. She loves Barbie. I'm shocked at how ok I feel about this. Surely if she's happy then there's worse things than enjoying pop songs and dressing up?

So because she likes girly stuff you've written her off as a thickie? I think it's possible to play with Barbie as a child AND have a successful career.

Not sure your idea of feminism really makes sense.

@daisyjgrey

I also wanted to be a horse when I was 5. Actually, I really wanted to be a centaur, like in Fantasia but I would have settled for being a horse. 😂

@Leodot

It's a mighty fine occupation in my humble opinion!

@daisyjgrey I went through a phase of wanting to be a horse or a mermaid...

🤣🤣🤣 10/10 excellent bait

It's about choice isn't it. I was into Barbie and 'girly' stuff as a kid. My career however is in a male heavy sector working with systems. I am very feminine in that I will talk about and enjoy make up, clothes, raising children etc at work with other females and I secretly feel this works against me but I won't change who I am. I think the one thing to arm her with in life is to be true to who she is always and to not change herself for others - I only hope that the world has moved forward for women a bit more by the time she gets there as sadly we still have some distance to go

I think you need to think big. DS is 8 and is going to be ruler of the world

OP she’s 5, what the hell do you expect?

You know you aren't the template for what intelligence is, right? Just because you were one way as a kid and your daughter is another doesn't mean you should at, age 5, start projecting your weird sexist tropes on what intelligence is like on her. And maybe go check around a few university websites having a look at their STEM faculty, being a bright, bubbly woman doesn't exclude being anything, in my experience.

I thought Carole Verderman has body dysmorphia?

Sorry to go off on a tangent.

OP you’re coming across like a pretentious twat, sorry.

Being a feminist is about giving women equal choices. Not pushing any particular career trajectory on her. Also 5 is so young!

I think as long as you're not hoping she only ever has a career in a gender based role you're feminist credentials still stand

Also isn't this what we want - her being able to be like that and still have a job she wants? Without even thinking about it?

Anyway everyone has beat me to it.

@rosiepony not sure at all, just saying that shes quite feminine, gorgeous and has an IQ of about 150. So it's certainly not a case of smart = not pretty.

Is this post for real? If so, don't worry, OP, you're not alone in your fears for your daughter. I'm terrified that my twin toddlers are not going to be plain, unpopular, intellectual feminists in serious jobs, with serious lives. God, forbid if they turn out average, or pretty, or emotionally stable, with a solid group of friends. And, if they like pink when they are 5, I'm fucking sending them to a convent boarding school. No daughter of mine is going to dare to be herself/an individual/whatever she wants. No, they will be mini me twins, the sole purpose of their existence to bring my failed dreams to fruition, so that I can live my feminist dream vicariously through them.

@daisyjgrey I mean part of me still wishes I could be one!

@grumpyorange Mermaid is a solid second choice. Ariel was the business. 😍

She is 5 years old ! She sounds lovely and likes Barbies So What? Lots of successful women dress nicely ,and are slim and attractive ! Let her have fun dressing her dollies and being a little girl .Plenty of time to see what she may want to do later on surely ?

You may be ambitious for her, but she will be as ambitious as she wants for herself.

It's ultimately up to her. All the science books you put in front of her won't make her a scientist if SHE decides she wants to do something more traditionally 'girlie'.

Could you stop equating being awkward and shy with being ‘academic’ and being ‘bubbly’ and ‘pretty‘ with being some kind of dimwit social butterfly? It’s a completely false equation.

And when I was five I wanted to be a lollipop lady. I’m a humanities professor at a Russell Group university.

I don’t really understand how you can be ambitious “for” someone? It doesn’t really matter whether you want her to be a scientist or a model, its not going to be your choice anyway!

I am always uncomfortable that some people seemingly equate feminism with having to get girls to do logic, problem solving, STEM subjects and careers etc. By all means encourage girls who are interested to pursue STEM careers and try and stop girls being out off those subjects without trying them because of stereotypes. But not all girls will have the interest or aptitude (and neither will all boys) and that is fine. We should also be putting more value onto interests and careers that are more feminine/female dominated because they are 'girly'. There is great value in the arts, caring jobs, fashion, beauty industry and if that was more widely acknowledged we wouldn't feel unfeminist if our daughters were interested in those over STEm.

(And nothing about liking Barbie's etc means you can't subsequently go into STEM or law or whatever 'feminist' role you want.)

Don’t know if this is a piss take or not but the attitude that girls liking the conventionally “girly” stuff that is marketed to them automatically makes them stereotypically “girly” as in “vacuous service person” is really shitty.
And this relentless cult of STEM is so damaging to girls who aren’t all that arsed about being engineers. There are other careers that are just as worthwhile, challenging and fulfilling.
My dd isn’t like me either. I’m a STEM person, she is a creative person. She’s interested in design and art and her brain works in a completely different way to mine. She knows how to put an outfit together and her room looks like a magazine shoot with upcycled furniture and charity shop finds whereas the rest of the house is Ikea central. She understands poetry, is a brilliant friend to her vast social circle and is empathetic and intuitive. She’ll get a career is design or fashion or costume and she’ll be brilliant at it and I will never, ever look down on her for knowing how an eyeliner works instead of how a suspension bridge works. It’s great that male dominated professions are being opened up to give girls a fair shake, but girls are not shit boys who must ape stereotypical masculine characteristics and shun spa days in order to be considered worthy.
Also. She’s FIVE!

What a weird and controlling mother you are.

She is five!!

You don't control her personality!

Did you think that you would get to choose her personality for her? How weird!

Is this a joke? She's 5 years old.
You can enjoy bright things and dancing and become an engineer. They're not mutually exclusive.

I have 8yr and 6yr old daughters and my only wish for them is happiness whatever that means for each of them, to me it means enough, I have enough of all that I want :)