Not to be more ambitious for my DD?

[PoorUnfortunateMoles]

I'm a feminist and I always thought I would have a load of lofty ambitions for my DD about her being a scientist or architect, engineer or an artist.
She is very feminine and loves bright, fun, happy, neon things. She loves dancing. She loves Barbie. I'm shocked at how ok I feel about this. Surely if she's happy then there's worse things than enjoying pop songs and dressing up?

Let her be a little girl, whatever that entails her being interested in. Don’t push your agenda on her. She’s 5 I think you need to clam down and let her be.

Seriously OP, she's FIVE... I loved barbie as a kid and everything sparkling and pink and that hasn't stopped me from taken a university degree, learning 5 languages and travelled the world... Give the girl a chance. My oldest dd is 5 and only wears dresses that preferably are pink and sparkling. She also loves to dig in mud holes and learn about animals, one interest does not necessarily dismiss another

I worry about his with my 4 year old. She loves babies. She puts all her teddies to bed and makes them food. I feel like she's imitating me as I'm currently an unemployed loser who failed university with no hope of decent job.

I hope, pray and beg the stars that she becomes a doctor, a mathematician or some other professional with a job that requires intelligence.

As a feminist I think you need to understand what that actually is. Because your negative description of a 5 year old is the exact opposite.
My 5 year old is currently playing with a mermaid in the bath, might just send her off to live on the beach self fulfilling prophecy and all that

This whole thread has to be a wind up.

I saw the title and thought:

"Oh thats an interesting discussion. Should we aim for success in life or should we, instead, learn to find value in the mundane lives we're probably destined for?

Then i saw it was about a five year old who likes dressing up clothes

Don’t worry OP. I was not ever (and am still not) interested in building or logical thinking toys (and now Ikea furniture). Was very girlie and loved playing with dolls. As I got older, I was excellent at maths and did my maths GCSE early, at 14.

I still do better in “people” jobs. I love being around other people and couldn’t stand sitting in front of a computer all day or solving complex theoretical problems. But am definitely a feminist and have achieved a lot.

Although one thing I WISH my parents had done when I was a child was to put zero emphasis on looks. I wished they’d stopped telling me I was pretty and commenting on other pretty women or pretty girls. I wish they’d complemented something else. Not entirely their fault but, until I was in my 30s, I thought the way I looked was more important than the things I achieved. So sad.

Embrace her love of dolls, don’t worry that she doesn’t like building; but don’t talk about prettiness or beauty or show her sexist old Disney movies (new ones are better, but still irritating that Elsa is gorgeous and wears high heels. Studio Ghibli movies are even better!!! Lots of female protagonists who do great things). No bullshit Belle or Cinderella or any of that tosh. Get rid of those sorts of story books, too, they’re awful - the princesses are all beautiful and all get rescued and the only personality they have is beauty.

I haven't come across very well (I'm trying to bath dc's and blow bubbles.) Obviously I love my dd and will never underestimate her, I suppose this is a bit of a realisation that she is different to me and not a mini me. I was always academic, awkward, ugly, had one close friend. She is bubbly, pretty, loud, sociable but finds it difficult to concentrate on things. We will probably have very different experiences of the world. She might become one of those bubbly women who has loads of friends and goes on spa days. That's fine, I'm sure those women are intelligent and unique and driven too. It's just different interests.

I buy those books about famous women and she's much more into Josephine Baker and Coco Chanel rather than Marie Curie or Temple Grandin

Yup!
That one time I got "Inspiring Black Women" out at the library....we had an unlikely obsession with Shirley Bassey for about three months.

That was fun

She’s 5!! I think you need to calm down a bit!

I would class myself as a feminist and to me that means having the chance and opportunity to be anything you want to be and not letting the fact you have a vagina hold you down.

What kind of five year old wants to read books like that anyway? I think they would be boring for anyone regardless of the person. They joys of being five.

Let her be who she is. Surely trying to make her into something she’s not is bad regardless of what you are trying to make her.

She's 5 ffs.. Calm down 😂😂

Oh spa days you say. Yeah, be worried.

You'd be more of a feminist if you just accepted women and girls for who they are than trying to change this.

I buy those books about famous women and she's much more into Josephine Baker and Coco Chanel rather than Marie Curie or Temple Grandin

^ urm but you said she's 5.... what on earth are you expecting her to do.

How does liking frilly things prevent her from being financially independent and hopefully pursuing a fulfilling vocation.

Ultimately, being a feminist in a capitalist society is not wanting our daughters to be trapped in relationships because of money. Women can follow many paths and still have the power to control their own lives.

I think one of the big disservices we can do to our daughters is dismiss their preferences for being to feminine. A Barbie is just as worthy as toy as a car. A kitchen is just as worthy as a tool bench. Friends Lego is no different really to 'normal' Lego. That pink frilly top does the job just as well as the blue top with a train on. The Rainbow Fairies book will inspire reading just as well as that book about pirates. And hopefully boys will get the same message.

Honestly don’t worry about her preferences at this age. All I’m saying is don’t stop giving her a breadth of toy types and activity options even if she always ignores them all in favour of Belle.

If you decide now she’s not into it and just stick to princesses and pink well then obviously that is all she’s ever going to be into.

A correlation has been proven between the toys little girls are given and the number of them that then choose STEM subjects.
Keep her horizons wide and she’ll find her own path

Why do you think being feminine is not feminist though OP.

Feminist is having the confidence to be who you are. If she loves dresses and dancing, good for her.

Intelligence is not determined by fashion sense.

There is nothing wrong with connecting with your feminine nature and being proud if that.

A correlation has been proven between the toys little girls are given and the number of them that then choose STEM subjects

What exactly has been proven and do you even understand correlation?

😂😂😂

Cut her girly hair short, stop dressing her in cute girly clothes and stop buying toys such as barbies. Sorted.

There's a popular quote that applies to myself and I think it'd also help with your understanding of feminism, OP:

"I Want To Love Glitter And Also Stand Up For The Double Standards That Exist In Our Society. I want to wear pink and tell you how I feel about politics and I don't think that those things have cancel each other out."

Shes 5, you're hardly seeing who she will be for the rest of her life.
If I can give you some advice, enjoy this time with her. Enjoy letting her see the world through childs eyes.
When shes older, let her be who and what she wants to be. In my view (and only my view) feminism is about bringing up our girls with the belief they can be whatever they please when they grow up. They do not have to have a high flying career in a male dominated field, they do not need to have lofty ambitions, they just need to see that whatever they choose in their life is perfectly reasonable and doable. That they as females are not discounted from doing anything they want.

My views are more about removing those boxes that women are expected to fit into, than moving into others.

My daughter has grown up around tradesmen, she has been taught trade skills, she loves s good box of pre packaged furniture to put together. She has seen myself and her dad run building sites. Credit to her dad, he has always viewed women as his equal at work. He has always been a good role model for her in that respect.

We are also bringing her up without the outright belief that she will grow up and get married and have children
As of right now, she is open to having dogs and living abroad for a while when she is figuring out life for herself and doesnt really have a plan further than that.

Atleast, this is the way we are bringing up DD. I'd hate for her to grow up believing that because she is a female, she has to prove a point to anyone

Who you are at 5 is not who you are as an adult

She might become one of those bubbly women who has loads of friends and goes on spa days. That's fine, I'm sure those women are intelligent and unique and driven too. It's just different interests.

You're not sure at all are you. You think they are air-headed bimbos who should be on TOWIE. She's five, you have no idea how she is going to turn out. Unless you carry on being disappointed in her, then she'll probably turn out to be someone who's gone NC with her judgemental mother....