To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

None. My parents have been deceased for years but as soon as I moved out at 22 I was 100% self sufficient. I bought my own house myself before marriage. Dh’s parents are in another country and it would be over my cold dead body to accept any kind of financial help from them if we needed it. I’d rather go on welfare & food stamps.

Most of my friends have financial gifts from their parents such as weddings, holidays, large house deposits etc.

Most of my friends are in their mid to late 40s and have baby boomer parents who have generous final salary pensions and large cash reserves.

My parents have always been incredibly generous with their money and I hope I can do the same with my DC.

Zero financial support here ( My parents are deceased so not an option there) and nothing from my ILs- although they do tend to treat us if we go out to eat or something as they are at a stage of life with more disposable income than we do with a young family. I'd feel really uncomfortable being financially dependent as an adult and we are only in our mid twenties!

I think there is a big difference between being reliant on your parents and them offering support (financial or childcare) because they want to. We both have good jobs and have never had any financial worries but my parents like to support us because they can easily afford to do so - we can easily manage without their financial support but having it allows us, for example, to have bought a bigger house now rather than having to move again for our 'forever' home. This help comes with no obligation - they see it as part of being a good parent. We receive nothing from PIL as they would not be able to afford to, we would never ask them for anything as we are much better off than they are.

Nope. I've had no support since I was 16 years old, my dads handed me a tenner a few times, but usually he says, pirate, how many times have you picked me up food shopping? How many times have you picked up baccy? You never take the money for that. DHs parents have never helped him financially.
Unless were talking that he stayed at home with them until he was 25, which is a hand up in itself.

But no. Adulthood to me is learning to stand on pir feet, having appreciation for what we do have and trying to build on that to create a life for ourselves.

I couldn't respect myself if I was having my life subsidised when I've got children of my own, by people who probably dont have much themselves.

No regular help as we don’t need it. If we were to ever fall on difficult times, I know we could turn to either set of parents without feeling embarrassed or ashamed and they would help us without question. Just as we would if they came to us. We’re family at the end of the day.

They are very generous on birthdays and Christmas to both my Dh and I and both sides pay quite a chunk each year into our dc’s savings accounts which means that we don’t need to and can focus on clearing our mortgage and squirrelling money away for future school fees.

Some of these examples are mainly parents or in-laws that can well afford to lend or treat family or people needing money for a car or boiler etc .
I had a colleague years ago who would literally always bail out her adult dc and I felt it was not right.
For example she worked a 2nd job in a pub so her dd didn't get a student loan while at university. So basically what this bar job earned was passed to the uni dd so the dd didn't work through uni .
When she was older same dd was married with dc and she got into debt while on maternity leave even though the husband and her had a good job and a golf membership. Yes you guessed it the mum bailed her out .
This colleague of mine was in her late 60s by this point and said she couldn't afford to retire .
I honestly couldn't allow my mum to work a 2nd job to put me through uni nor get a loan out to bail me .
I suppose really she made a rod for her own back and her dd financial problems have always been hers . It's was her business but she would frequently complain about her dd .
It's a shame I did feel sorry for this colleague as you'd expect would do anything to help her family but I think it was taken advantage of .

I pay entirely for my DC at Uni
And hopefully will be able to do so until they are finished and in employment
Don't want them working during term time or borrowing
I mainly work to be able to support my DC

DM helps with childcare usually one day per week (we could afford another day at nursery but she was ever so upset when we suggested it might be a burden to her), DF helped us lag the loft last winter and when we first moved in here a few years ago pre DC and we were gutting the place they, PIL and DB were round helping to fill skips and prime freshly plastered walls, we did a lot ourselves but they did help on a fair few occasions for the price of a crate of beer and a hot meal.

They also gifted us things when we first moved, things like when I went with DF to pay for my sofa ( I accompanied him to the hospital for a minor procedure as DM was away working) , DF suddenly said they were paying for it. PIL bought our pram/travel system, my parents the nursery furniture. We had budgeted for all of these things and could manage ourselves they were just lovely gifts. When we got married my mum wanted to buy my veil and shoes, and on the day DF surprised me with a lovely sentimental piece of jewellery that was my gran's. They all spoil DS rotten, which in the kindest way has to be curbed at times!

However, DH and I both paid our own way through uni including fees (again there was help like a trip to tesco at the start of term or money for text books, or a tank of petrol to collect meet from the other end of the country but not rent or allowances etc). When I graduated I moved home (London) and lived there for £20 a week including all bills and food, that they didn't want to accept, on the proviso I worked hard and saved hard which enabled me to buy my first flat at 25. They weren't in a position to gift a deposit and it doesn't fit their work ethic either, but they did support me to be able to do it myself, same as DB.

If something awful happened, DH and I were both made redundant and were on the verge of losing our home etc they would help whether by gifts or loans or guaranteeing our mortgage etc as would PIL. After that ramble essentially we're have very supportive parents but we are not reliant on them at all.

It surprises me on on here that so few people are happy for their DC to work part time at uni. I went to a very old RG with lots of people much wealthier than me and most people had part time jobs of some kind even if they had generous allowances etc.

None.
My parents paid my uni fees and accommodation until I left.
They lent me £500 when I maxed out my overdraft during my postgraduate degree and needed to move house. I needed it for a deposit on a room.
They gave me some money towards my wedding.
That is it. I don't ask them for anything. No childcare. Nothing.

We've had a financial gift ( £7k) from my parents recently and they always insist on paying for meals if we go out. They've also given the same to siblings and have recently helped my db buy a house. They help my dsis's our by providing childcare, and financial help to one dsis who has recently finished studying (married and has 2 kids).

We come from a family that help each other though regularly. We don't keep a tab but we help whoever needs it most at that time.

My family supported me through my BA degree by occasionally letting me buy food with their card as my foreign student loans didn’t quite cover tuition fees. My dad helps me pay for my MA degree so I can finish it quicker, because I’m paying for my MA and paying off student loans at one months wage per year.

I would point out that you’re legally obliged to support children under 25 at university so I don’t consider that “helping them out”

None, fully independent here. No childcare, no loans, no nothing. I am however trying to live with less and save some money as I’m sure they will start needing me to return a little bit if the help they have given me in their later years.

Supported through degree (didn’t have to take out loan) and given money for house deposit from an inheritance that went to my parents. Since then, childcare from both sides and nice presents at birthdays/christmas but no money given.

Full university support (rent, fees, allowance) for two degrees, though I lived at home for the second one. My parents paid for our wedding in its entirety (I think they started saving for it when I was born - they certainly always expected to pay for it); and the deposit on our first house was made up of very generous gifts from both my parents and in laws. Both sets of parents have also paid for holidays (with them, ie paying for a rental house and we pay for food etc) and will usually insist on treating us if we go out for a meal or something.

We’re very lucky. But no, we certainly don’t get, or expect, a regular allowance, and we live hundreds of miles from both sets of parents so don’t have help with childcare, except as a one-off for weddings etc.

Like a pp, I have lots of friends whose parents bought their homes outright, and who’ve never had to pay rent or mortgage. Equally, I have lots of friends who’ve had no help since university. The spectrum of what’s normal is huge.

Not really financial but my car was written off and my mum leant me her’s. Still have it cos in lockdown no one is going anywhere anyway!

My mum has only ever bought me a meal once, the night before my wedding. I always pay for her, not the other way around.

My mum is totally dependant on me currently as can’t go out and needs help with shopping and cleaning. I have never been helped financially by anyone.

My parents came to my rescue when our house had a major disaster (that was annoyingly not covered by insurance). They paid for the work to be done and have point blank refused to be paid back. We almost argued about it and then they asked me what I would do if my DD was ever in that position. I would do the same as they did and that was the end of that.

We don't have any financial help now but both sets have given us £20k in the past - one for a deposit and the other for a wedding present. So they have helped massively in past. We don't have regular help with childcare either but they will babysit for us when we ask (which isn't that often).

I still rely on them for emotional support and love talking to them, going on holiday with them and just spending time together.

Not a penny since I left for uni at 18. Never got much of anything off my dad before then either (separated).
I dont believe they should be subsidising her choices. She needs to get a job she can support herself with even if it's not as fun.

None. My parents and ILs are poor. I funded university myself on scholarships. We’ve been helping them financially since we’ve been working, and as we don’t live in the same country as them, there’s no expectation of childcare on either side.

I have paid my own way in life eg degrees, property, wedding etc. But I do help them financially when required.