To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

[CherryPavlova]

None from our parents, ever. We’ve supported them, even when they were younger.
We support our children a bit. They aren’t reliant on our help (apart from the one who’s still a student) but it has allowed them an easier break into adulthood.
Obviously university fees and living but also help climbing onto property ladder.
We’ll pay for weddings and we pay if they come on holiday or out for meals with us. There’s still the odd dir ct debit we cannot be bothered to change - contact lenses etc.
We sort out any problems with our son’s flat when he’s deployed whether that be practical or financial.
It’s nice sharing things out.

[thatonehasalittlecar]

I work in an industry where almost the entire workforce is freelance; entry level jobs are hard to get, not very well paid and tend to be in big cities where living costs are higher. This all contributes to a precarious and difficult working life, so parental support in the early years is very common. Unfortunately, this leads to a disparity in the workforce towards middle / upper class white kids. BAME and working class people are very poorly represented at all levels, and older women in particular tend to fall away later, when family life and security become more important. It’s a terrible shame for the industry and reflects poorly on it. I think the focus should be less on individuals able to ask for parental help, and more on improving working practices across the board to level the playing field for those unable to rely on the bank of mum & dad.

[CraftyGardener]

We have twice borrowed money which we repaid but other than that we don't get or expect anything and we were very grateful for the loan. My younger brother (28) has things like his phone paid for though. I find that odd but hey, none of my business. They did kindly pay for my wedding when I was 22 but primarily because they were keen for us not to wait!

My husbands cousins (late 30's) still receive an annual clothing allowance. THAT to me is a wee bit odd.

[usersouthcoast]

Not at all.
However, I would ask either my Dad or MIL to babysit for the odd thing, probably four times a year.... but my Dad will also ask to have the boys as he wants to so much.
So, both MIL and Dad save us the odd babysitting payment.

We were gifted (what I consider) a very large sum as a wedding gift from MIL and FIL however, and have lived with them for a few weeks when in between houses to make buying and selling easier, so that's a huge financial help.

[myusernamewastakenbyme]

None...both my mum and dad died when i was 26.

[GreyGardens88]

Apart from birthdays they haven't given me any money since university 10 years ago, they will be gifting me some money for a house deposit but I'm also putting my own savings into that

[RigaBalsam]

My sister is given 1k a month. My parents aren't rich either.

[ToriaPumpkin]

Financially, not at all, though in the past we've had loans for cars and contributions for house deposits (from money that was earmarked for us) but both sets of parents have done a decent amount of childcare for us which has saved us a huge amount of money, so swings and roundabouts I suppose.

[zigaziga]

My sister is given 1k a month. My parents aren't rich either.
My BIL was like this for years. I don’t know how we wasn’t so ashamed to be getting money from his parents that they could barely afford.
My opinion of him is a lot higher now he actually pays for his lifestyle himself.

I am saving for my DC and I want to give them a large lump sum that they will hopefully use as a deposit on their first homes. I don’t want to be helping out monthly though.

[Serendipper]

I’ve been very lucky with the help I have received. Both me and my husband had around £5000 saved for us as children that helped us with the deposit on our first home. Both our families bought big ticket items for our wedding and when we had our child (dress, band, pram, cot) were covered.
Both sides of the family provide childcare while I work and both regularly buy our child bits and bobs (like 3 new pairs of shorts have arrived this week). We don’t get any regular financial contribution (and wouldn’t accept this) but I feel we have a nice balance of feeling like we have achieved everything we have ourselves while also appreciating the help we have been given along the way. If I had an unexpected emergency I think I could ask either side for help but would expect to pay this back. However my brother seems to have a very different level of help (rent paid, wedding fully paid for, money given to clear debts) from my side of the family and while I don’t begrudge him any help I don’t think it is helpful with his decision making as he can be reckless knowing Daddy will bail him out. He is however the child of divorce (I was already moved out) and I think this is still a factor.

[Patapouf]

Not remotely financially reliant, although I'd hope in a real emergency like we'd lost our home and jobs that I'd be able to ask for help-not that either of my parents could afford to help 🤷🏻‍♀️
It's more likely to be me that gives them a loan.

[Mulhollandmagoo]

No regular help like that no, but my parents and ILs have helped us out during larger occasions in our lives, my parents bought my wedding dress for example and my ILs gave us their wedding gift early to allow us to pay a couple of bits off. My mum also looks after my daughter one day per fortnight to help us out with childcare costs which I really appreciate. I know we're really lucky for the support we get but I'd never dream of accepting a monthly allowance from my parents in this position I'd much rather get myself a better job, or even a s find job to pay my own way

[WhatATimeToBeAlive]

Nothing financially but they did give me a great work ethic and independence, and that counts for a hell of a lot more. However, they would also never have seen me out on the streets and I would have always had a bed in their house.

[Majorcollywobble]

When I was going through a really messy divorce my parents gave me a lot of emotional support .
I got on my feet and at one point my father took me to one side - saying that he had helped my siblings out financially and my mother and he could afford to do the same for me .
As the oldest I’d had the opportunity to buy a property when they were cheap - so didn’t need the same help . I thanked them but said I was grateful for the offer and didn’t need their help at that time . I’ll never forget the look on pride on my father’s face when I said that . It made up for me disappointing them both in the past .

[Rainb0w]

None at all and never really have, they paid for essentials at school but I was never one with the driving lesson etc it was simply affordable to them. If anything I am now the one who helps them out and probably will have to continue to do so on and off with bigger purchases, they was excellent parents when I was growing up though.

[MaternitySpongeBob]

Sweet fuck all, which is the case since I escaped at 16.

If anything I've supported them like you'd expect a parent would to their children albeit indirectly (helping with tax issues, job admin, retirement advice etc).

It's one of the reasons I've slowly gone low / no contact with them tbh. They give my older siblings time and favours and money they can't afford get I'm here just to be their skivvy.

After many years of this dynamic I've lost all respect for them and now they're becoming older and vulnerable,my thoughts are mostly "fuck you". Made your bed, can lie in it. It only took 20 years for me to have my epiphany.