To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

[Pixieblu]

I am gainfully employed and married and earn a good living. My parents have supported me, paid for uni, accommodation and all living expenses through 6 years of uni (under and post grad). Have still given me "pocket money" since getting my first job and have increased it as my expenses have increased. I don't ask for it, have tried to return it and just now put it into a savings account for DC. I am incredibly grateful and fortunate for their support.

In my DF's culture it is the norm to support adult children and family members especially if you have the means. DF is under no financial stress or obligation to do this but says he enjoys knowing we are all taken care of and knows we would never ask for money. My adult siblings and I are all successful and in well paid careers but DF insists. I could probably afford not to work and rely on my "stipend" from DF and DF will "gift" or "reimburse" me for large expenses e.g. if I get a new car or house extension. DH finds it incredibly weird as his parents could not afford to help him with anything post school.

Among my friends, it is normal to receive financial help e.g. deposits for homes, private school fees for DC or generous gifts. A couple still have their credit card bills paid by DP.

[thaegumathteth]

From my parents - they gave me money when they could when I was at Uni. Bought stuff for the kids especially when they were babies.

Dh's parents helped him with a flat deposit before me. He also recently got an inheritance but that's not really the same thin(?

[Mumshappy]

My parents pay for dancing lessons for dd9.
They take me and dcs away twice a year.
They paid for my divorce and deposit on a rental property. I am paying this money back monthly
My mum is always treating me and dcs.
They also pay for all dcs shoes.
I will do the same for my children. I am incredibly lucky in this respect.

[eeehbyegum]

Opposite, I financially help my parents and sibling.

[AbsentmindedWoman]

I made life choices that enabled me to support myself, even if my lifestyle was spartan at times. There were other paths I might have taken that would have been more fulfilling, but I never forgot the reality of needing to pay my bills.

Additionally, you were fortunate to have had the physical/ mental/ emotional capacity to do whatever work you do to pay those bills.

Smug statements like the above neatly erase the experience of many disabled people, and a high number of disabled women in particular live in poverty.

Plenty of disabled people work, but not all are getting paid enough to meet basic living expenses, and that is not because of poor life choices.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

None. Didn’t have much support when I lived at home
Always felt like every decision had to be based on if it went wrong would I be able to support myself

[Mintjulia]

None. I bought my own clothes/toiletries from 16, left home at 18, and had no financial support from then on.

I inherited some money when my dm died which I put towards the mortgage. I hope to help ds 11 with a deposit when the time comes. Maybe sell my house, downsize when I retire and pass on the same amount.

[nowaitaminute]

I'm not dependent on them at all...haven't been since university when they paid my rent.

[Namenic]

I’m very lucky that my parents do my childcare. I do some admin and tech to help them (but not nearly as much as they help me). They have helped me financially in the past. I hope to be able to help them when they age and try to spend holidays with them, which they like. This is much more normal in the culture I am from - but I do realise how lucky I am.

[Iflyaway]

she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs,

Good for her., she sounds awesome.

[gumball37]

I had a lot of physical and mental help from my mom. We spent time of time together. More often than not, it was me, mom, and my son. She's watch him for me every so often just because and I could talk to her about anything. She died 5 years ago. I have no one. I get zero help in any way from family.

[Pleasenodont]

I left home at 16 and have been independent ever since. I’ve asked my Mum to lend me money a handful of times when I’ve genuinely been stuck but always paid her back. I definitely don’t and never would expect her to top my salary up.

[BiblioX]

I left home very young and was never given any financial support. My brother was though, which made our relationship tense even after our parents died.
I have to admit I tend to believe people who have been helped don’t appreciate how flipping lucky they have been.

[Watchagotcha]

Loads of financial help. Paid through uni, no loans. Then living rent free ina flat they owned, while trying to find a job after uni. Big contribution whenDH and I bought our first flat. Paid for our wedding. Large lump sum several years later which allowed us to buy an investment property outright and for me to be a SAHM when we had children. Oh and we live for free every year at their holiday home, for two months each summer. And they put money into our account for our children every month.

It has never occurred to me to feel embarrassed or ashamed by this! Rather, I feel very lucky!

From my parents POV, most of their wealth is unearned, from property. They live a comfortable life, and aren’t short of anything. They see the money they’ve given my sister and I as “early inheritance”: they’d rather we had it now when it’s useful. My sister and I have taken our cues from them, I guess. We live pretty modest lives: small, nice homes, old cars, etc. We don’t spend a lot. We spend a lot of time with them when we can and love them a lot.

[Coldilox]

My parents supported me through uni (but I took out a student loan too, now paid off). No regular support since then. When we bought our first house our parents between them matched our deposit meaning we had 10% instead of 5% (we didn’t ask for this, and could have managed without). PILs gave us a significant cash gift when they sold their business for retirement, which allowed us to move house. This was unexpected.

We live within our means and don’t require support from parents. But we’re lucky enough to know that if we were ever in financial trouble, both our parents would help. We know how lucky we are.

[TroysMammy]

My parents lent me money for the insurance on my first car in 1986 which I paid back and my DF gave me £50 to get my car repaired a few days before pay day although I offered to pay it back. Nothing else even though I was married to a work shy, lazy sod I coped and went without.

[Lulu1919]

Non from my parents since I left home at 18 ...I'm 50 !
Husbands dad..yes....he gave us ( my husbands ) inheritance 20 years before he died ...because he could afford to and because he wanted us to be able to put it into a home and he enjoyed seeing this happen.
We don't subsidise our children....late 20 s ( both left home ) as we can't afford to and they with their partners work and pay their own way.

[Bluesheep8]

I've never asked for anything since I left home at 18 to go to university. No help needed then either as it was in the days of the full grant. I'm certain they would help if I asked though.

[Onone]

Nope,no financial help since I moved out when I was 18,I’m 40 next month

[moveandmove]

I left home at 19 and have had no financial or physical help from my parents. I'm very proud of the fact that I'm totally independent. I would hate to be reliant on somebody else or anything.

[MayFayre]

Left at 18 to go to university. Never went back and never had any money from them and would have declined it if offered.

[JustaScratch]

I've had a helping hand twice with big purchases (car and first property) which I am very thankful for. Day to day support and little top ups? No.

[Phifedean123]

I've borrowed the odd £20 here and there when I really needed it but always pay it back. No big financial help in any way and I wouldn't want it

[Zenithbear]

From parents about a £1000 altogether. They were given property, lots of financial help and a huge inheritance from their parents so in comparison not a lot.
I had a very rich childless aunt and uncle who were really generous though and not only gave money but also advice on how to invest it. Which I took and it set me up very nicely.
Because of narcissism, favouritism and a generally disfunctional family on both sides neither me or my partner expect to inherit. My ddad is not looking great health wise and my mum has already mentioned that she will change the will (if dad goes first) and intends to leave me nothing because I don't need money. Nothing to do with favourites as she doesn't have any

[HasaDigaEebowai]

None at all. I do however know lots of families where grandparents pay for private school fees.

In the future I think our children will stay at home for longer since the property market will be difficult. I think extended families living together will be far more common.