To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

[bridgetreilly]

OP, I really think your friend is being a CF. She needs to get a proper job, and she also needs to cut her budget to suit her income. It's not reasonable or normal for parents to be paying their adult children in that way.

[darkforceofexcesszeal]

None. I paid for my own uni. Haven’t had any financial support from either set. Lucky enough to not need any - I worked before university and used that and loans. Now paid off. Had started a savings account at some point which was deposit when dh and I bought first house.

[newyearnoeu]

I don't get any financial help off them, and haven't since I bought my own house five years ago (in my mid twenties). They didn't give me money after graduating uni age 21 but they did let me live with them on very low rent for a year or two to save up for a deposit, so I suppose that's indirect financial help.

However my dad does help me out doing DIY in the house, taking my car for a service etc. It's a massive help but if he suddenly stopped doing it for whatever reason I would be fine. I also try and help in similar ways e.g. setting up technology, selling stuff for them on gumtree, pet-sitting etc. but honestly it's still more the other way.

I don't know anyone who gets actual money from their parents to supplement their wage, but I do know quite a few people who get other forms of indirect financial help, such as a lot of childcare, paying for family holidays, having their adult children on private family dental/medical/car insurance plans, lending them money for big house alternations instead of it going on a credit card and then often the child accidentally 'defaulting' on payments or the parent writing it off, etc....

[TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY]

zero

financially and child care wise and i have 2 kids with complex disabilities that need 24/7 care(we home ed)

me and my partner do everything

[worriedmama16]

I'm a single mum, my mum doesn't give me any cash but she's quite well off and buys me and my daughter clothes and stuff very regularly. She also treats us to meals out, days out and the odd holiday. She also provides me with free child care about 3 days a week. We are very lucky to have her.

[ChanklyBore]

I paid rent and bought my own food from 16. I moved out at 17. They were dead by the time I was 23. So none. They were in their 20s in the 70s, does that mean they were boomers? They didn’t do very well out of it, if they were.

[CMOTDibbler]

Once I graduated, apart from a contribution to our wedding, and a pram for ds, nothing. Same for DH (and no practical help on DIY, childcare, cars etc either).
When we were desperate they did loan us money which we repaid in full asap, but I had to ask for it. And I was ashamed to ask.

[crazychemist]

Not dependent on a day to day basis, but there have been two ways that my parents have helped enormously with finances:

1. Gave us a huge chunk of money for the deposit on the house we bought as a “family house” - the idea being that it would save us from needing to get a larger property as our family expanded, because every time you trade up you pay stamp duty. I’m enormously and eternally grateful to them for this, and it was a lovely surprise when they said they could contribute so much to help us get our ideal house.
   

1. My mum looked after DD 2 days a week for a year and then 1 day a fortnight the following year. Technically that was more than we felt this would be better for DD (who was a very shy 1 year old) than nursery, but obviously it also saved us a lot of money.
   

In exchange I hope to be able to provide support to my parents when they need it. It’s not likely to be financial support as they have everything very well in order and spend very little money, but we live near and I try and help as much as possible. At the moment I do all their shopping when I go for mine once a fortnight so they can shield at home. I chauffeur them whenever I can e.g. to the airport or train station. When one of the dies I hope I will be able to be lots of support to the one that is left.

[SqidgeBum]

Seeing so many people saying they stand on their own two feet, I have to say looking at many of my peers there are many who rely heavily on parents. I have quite a few friends who spent years in university accumulating fancy looking degrees and masters while living at home where their parents paid for everything, and now they have graduated at 30 and have no job experience so they live at home, not paying rent, working in a minimum wage job. Many also continue to live at home because rents in cities like London and Dublin (my hometown) are so extortionate and they dont contribute to rent or bills. I had to explain to mg 35 year old friend how an electricity bill worked the other day as her parents have paid for everything up to now. There are more people sitting at home living the uni life at 30+ than you would think.

[Weepingwillows12]

My parents helped me in the first couple of years of uni, they contributed a bit to my wedding, they help me with one day week childcare. I can afford the childcare but they want to and I am very grateful. I help them too though. I run errands, am doing their shopping at the moment, gave paid for mum to holiday as she isn't well off etc.

I think families do support each other but I do think it's not sustainableif you need their handouts to live day to day.

[MouthBreathingRage]

I had help during uni, but then my mum became ill and then passed away. Father not in the picture for many years, though my understanding is he's using whatever money he has to very slowly drinking himself into the grave. Had help from inlaws during some really shitty times in the last few years, but paid it back. Bloody grateful for it, and hope we can do the same for our kids when they're in their 20s and beyond if needs be.

Agree with previous posters, times have changed, and it's bloody difficult to get going and stay afloat these days. One bad knock and you can be on your knees for months/years. When my parents divorced, my grandparents took us in, but we had a home and my mother a job within three months, it's just not the same now.

We shouldn't have to rely on parents, but it's certainly a relief to know if we fall badly they would be there. It's not even money for me, I really wish I had someone to call on the bad days, not having emotional support or knowing you can 'go home' when things are bad can be the worst bit.

[Irnbroothenoo]

I haven’t had any help from my parents since I was about 16 years old. I’d be too embarrassed. Never needed it though as I’m independent and doing well. I’d feel I’d failed as an adult if I had to ask

[Harveypuss]

No financial help from my parents but a lot of practical help over the years; lots of childcare when our kids were younger and my dear Dad still helps us now with DIY stuff round the house. He is a retired electrician so all electrics in the house are done willingly by him and any other little jobs that need doing. He loves to do it and sometimes I'll just mention something in passing and he's round with his tool box before I can blink! I am useless with DIY stuff and my husband isn't much better! We are very grateful for his help.

I suspect though that we will certainly be helping our kids financially for some years hence. My husband's parents died last year and the inheritance money he received as a result will likely go towards helping them with house deposits and such in the future.

[CurlyEndive]

Now I'm in my 40s and my parents are in their 70s/80s it's my turn to support them.

When I was in my 20s and 30s they helped me - both financially (money towards a house deposit) and also with regular childcare.

They were able to help me and wanted to - I can't see a problem with that. I guess the issue here is that your friend's parents aren't happy with the situation.

[qwertypie]

Mine paid my rent two or three times when I had mismanaged my money as a student, in my early 20s. No financial assistance since then (I'm in my mid-30s now).

I have friends whose parents paid for deposits on cars & homes, despite working full-time in professional jobs. I suspect they are terrible at managing money.

I also wonder if people expect to be able to live on their own and then claim that the cost of living is too high. This is when you swallow your pride and get a flatmate.

[Chanel05]

0%. My father hasn't contributed financially to my upbringing since I was 8 and I left home at 18 (in 30s now). I earn more than both parents also. I haven't sought their emotional support since around 12 years old.

[Asthenia]

My parents regularly help me out financially and I’m not ashamed. I’m incredibly lucky, privileged and grateful. I earn £20k which is alright and hopefully will be earning more over the next few years. My parents are incredibly generous and often send me £100 or so to help out with shopping and my mum buys me a lot of little gifts. They did well professionally and both retired before 60. I would like to be the same with my children if I’m ever in their position.
Like I said I fully recognise how bloody lucky I am and I’m so grateful for them.

[Asthenia]

Forgot to add I’m late 20s - and they have said they will be able to help me out with a deposit for a house when the time comes. I never ever ask them for financial support, it is always offered.

[FilthyforFirth]

We have had the odd bit of financial help from parents over the years but for specific things and mostly paid back (apart from when they insisted we dont). It was mainly when we were first home owners and a bit younger. Now in our mid 30s certainly dont need or expect any financial help.

[ScarfLadysBag]

Not reliant, but we have received quite a lot of money from my mum for stuff like a bigger house deposit, new car and extension. But that's luxury money, day to day we aren't reliant on financial help to pay our bills, live life, etc. She wants to give us as much 'inheritance' as possible now, when we can make best use of it.

[ScarfLadysBag]

And it goes without saying we are very grateful as it has given us a much better quality of life and freedom to make choices that suit our family, and we will return the favour for our own DD when the time comes.

[Murinae]

None. I’ve subsidised my Mum on various occasions and once paid her mortgage for her for 18 months after her husband died and she was struggling. They had just bought their council house when he died so made sense she kept it until she could keep the profit (after three years of ownership). She paid us back when she sold it.

[Lsquiggles]

No financial help since I got my first job, I was raised to make sure you have enough in savings to cover yourself. I'd be embarrassed to ask for money as an adult and a parent, even though they would probably help me out

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

Financially not at all. They pick the youngest child up from school a couple of afternoons a week and but that's to spend time with their grandchildren rather than to save me cash the eldest is old enough to be self sufficient but enjoys the time with them.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Zero. I left home at 17 and have been self sufficient since then. My mum often buys clothes for DS but not because I ask her to, because she wants to.

I stand to inherit everything as I'm an only child but that's a big if and not something I would rely on.