To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

I haven't had any financial help from my parents since I left uni. They did do some free childcare when I had dd1 on my own.

Dsis still gets regular handouts because she needs it. She's a single parent on benefits who finds it difficult to stretch to any extras for her kids, because she's still paying off debts her ex left her with. Any extras her kids get are paid for by my parents or me, as dsis can only just manage to cover rent, bills and basic food.

I wasn’t helped at all but I am very much the exception in my social group. I was the only person in my uni friendship group whose parents didn’t buy them a flat. I think it is problematic as it means the cost of property is way out of sync with wages. It perpetuates inequality and means that no matter how hard some people work, they will do much worse than those whose parents just gave them a hand up.

I don’t know what to do about it tho as now I’m in that position, I will do as much as possible to help dds.

I have never been dependent on parents for money. Left home at 18 and that was it. Really shocked that others have so much financial support.

In the circle I grew up in it is very common for parents to still help out financially.

I have two friends who live in homes bought for them, and other friends have bills paid regularly (car payments and council tax Etc).

I have a good job and mainly support myself, however my parents Very kindly paid the deposit on my house, and have been very generous over the years.

There is strange attitude to this on mumsnet, quite a lot of sneering of parents help out passed 18.

I suppose it depends on your outlook. I

I am likely to get slated but I wanted to post because some people are saying people who get lots of handouts must be bad with money. I am incredibly lucky in that my parents have always helped me out. They gave me £30k when I was mid-teens and I put it in a stock market linked saver until after university. They helped me through uni (paid accommodation, topped up my maintenance loan etc), bought my first two cars for me and bought me and my DH a house (we both used savings as a deposit and they gave us our mortgage, which we started paying them back but they gifted us the money after a few years) and contributed to our wedding. It is likely they will help us out with our next house purchase as well.

However, I've always been a fantastic saver, had 3 jobs at uni and saved like mad. We don't have an extravagant lifestyle or spend recklessly in any way. My parents gift us financially because they have the money spare and it allows us to save and not worry about things. It will allow us flexibility to work part time when we have children as well. I am also likely to inherit a very decent amount (less than a million). What they wouldn't do is give me a monthly allowance. They help with large purchases only really. I am eternally grateful and will absolutely do the same for our children.

None from my parents other than the odd meal here and there mainly for birthdays or if dad has had a win on the horse racing.
My husband’s parents have helped us out on 2 occasions. Once when our boiler packed up after only moving in 6 months before what took all of our savings that was 10 years ago and again 4 years ago when our main car had stopped working and we was told it would cost more in repairs then the car was worth. Each time was about £1000. On both occasions they offered or we would’ve took a loan out but they didn’t want us to do that.

Not at all. Do families really do this?

It is better - of course they do. There is a whole big wide world out there where people behave in completely different ways to you, your parents and your immediate circle of friends😊.

My parents pay their adult children allowances, some buy houses, some pay for holidays while others do nothing.

Some children buy their parents houses, pay for holidays or pay monthly bills.

Is this really a shock to you?

Even if you have never experienced it in real life surely you watch television?

DS is now 13. When I was 8 months pregnant, I split up with my husband. Once my son was born, we moved in with my parents. I could not have got through that time without them. We got our own place just up the road but they both continued to help me, taking DS to nursery, helping at bath time etc. It forged a wonderful bind between them. My mum died nearly 6 years ago and we still live near my dad - a minutes walk away. My dad has had some health issues of his own in recent years but ne and my partner look out for him and he looks out for us. He has always helped with money when we have struggled - with deposits for rent etc although I never ask or assume. My brother isn't really on the scene so I am the one supporting my father emotionally and making sure he is ok. I can't imagine not doing. He helps us in so many ways, I can't imagine not having him around.

I think there is a difference between being financially reliant on your parents and them choosing to give gifts to make you financially better off.

Since leaving university I have worked in some low paid jobs but always chose equally cheap accommodation to suit my budget and would never expect my parents to subsidise it.

My parents have given me financial gifts at times that they wanted to give me but they never needed to give them to me in order to support me. It was a nice, generous thing for them to do at that time but I would never want to be reliant on that.

That should have been many not my😂. My parents do not pay me a monthly allowance.

Since finishing uni I had £10k from my parents to help us buy our first flat (had saved the deposit but needed a hand with fees). However this came from an inheritance that had been left to them on the understanding that some would go to me as they saw fit so difficult one to call.

MIL is single and DH is an only so all money will come to him when she’s no longer with us (hopefully a long way away). Every year or so since the sale of her business she gifts DH a couple of thousand on the advice of her accountant. We’re not ‘reliant’ on that money by any extent of the imagination - usually goes straight to our savings - but we do receive it very gratefully.

Other than that, nothing except Christmas/birthday gifts since finishing education.

None since I left university. Same with DH. Although weirdly DSIL seems happy to cadge money from the in-laws. We just wouldn't like to ask

Cayrol, your peers at uni were bought flats? Whole flats?

Or was it that their parents invested in a student flat with a buy to let mortgage, or even outright if they had an inheritance, for their offspring to live in and for other flat sharers to pay rent on?

Or as in literally, gave them a whole flat of their own to live in?

We still get a lot of financial, childcare (not in lockdown) help from my dad and separately my mother and stepdad. We never ask they offer it and enjoy helping us. They buy us food shopping every week (not all just some), pay for holidays a couple of times a year among other help. My dad in the last few years bought us a car for 9k,paid for a new kitchen for us when we had other building work done (which we paid for). My dad (who is actually my stepdad but I'd never call him that) will take my car for a service and insist on paying for it.
My stepdad is very well off so it comes easily to him. My dad isn't so well off although comfortable financially but he hardly spends anything on himself as he lives a very simple life so I think it brings him pleasure to help us when he can.

We will definitely be offering the same financial support to our kids. I never want them to be in a fix when we could help them. I always want there to be options for them. My eldest is already sensible with money and is not spoilt at all despite grandparents getting them whatever they need (as do we).

We live in a low cost housing area so that means there's more money available too.

I was helped a fair bit in my early twenties.

I had my student accommodation paid for throughout university.
I moved back home rent-free after I graduated.
They also supported me when I split from my ex and had nowhere else to go. Again, I lived rent free during this time.
DH and I got 10k as a wedding present.

I don't see an issue with helping your adult children. My parents would rather help me than see me struggle unnecessarily.

None.

Both sets of parents occasionally treat DD to some clothes or a pair of Clark’s shoes but they’re just being kind as they know we work hard and they also know how expensive kids are!

That said if we ever need money quickly for a short term - like £2k towards a car or something then they always lend it interest free. We pay them back within 6 months though and they would rather this than a bank loan with interest

I'm a single parent, I rely on my parents quite a bit practically but I work and get universal credit so finances not so much. Sometimes they will lend me money for a big purchase or bill because I'm not in a position to build up huge savings for eg a new car or nursery deposit (only two examples I've got from the last couple of years). However I then draw up a plan to pay back and set up a standing order to make sure it gets paid off

I want to point out that we are not reliant on help from parents. We could manage fine on our own and still give our kids a good life but the help from them allows us to have a really nice lifestyle while I work part time. Some of the things they've helped us with have literally changed our lives like they paid for IVF and our house deposit.
My H's parents havent offered us any financial help at all, not that we expect them to. In fact his dad was in almost 6 figures worth of debt through mismanagement even though he was on a really good salary.

We weren't good with money at all a few years ago but now we have savings and manage well.

No help at all. They paid for my driving lessons and bought me my first car 30 years ago. I haven't had nothing since and wouldn't dare ask for money. They don't agree with some of my life choices - job, where I live, past boyfriends etc and for these reasons now they won't help me out. Even though I'm a single parent with 2 DC. They are old fashioned in their views and think "I made my bed I need to lie in it"
They don't offer any childcare at all, I had to pay for a childminder for 4 years. They looked after my 2 DC once for a day and that was because I went into hosp for an operation.
They haven't ever offered since.
I'm not bothered though it's their choice and I live my life the way I see fit, and my DC are happy.

We still help out financially my step daughters (early 30s). No chance to get on the property ladder otherwise so we helped out and they now have their own places. We'll do the same for our younger two when they are grown up. I don't know how people get on the property ladder these days without it. It's ridiculous, how unachievable that is for most young people these days.

The odd contribution from in-laws such as 2k for a deposit for our first house 20 years ago and a loan when we needed a car very quickly. Other than that nothing. Between them and my mum they always buy our kids uniforms each year - which includes literally everything down to pants and socks. They absolutely don't have to but insist on treating all the grandkids the same so we let them get on with it. My in-laws only see the kids once a year as we don't live in the same country so they spoil them when they do see them.

Thanks everyone, looks pretty split doesn’t it? I’m guessing that if parents have the cash then it’s far more likely to happen.

@CurlyhairedAssassin both. Some were given flats with student guarantor mortgages (which were paid at uni) and some were given flats outright. Even those who had mortgages got a huge leg up tho as there was a property boom at the time so they were left with a valuable asset and tiny mortgage. I had to finish training and get established in my career before I could afford to buy and even then in a less fashionable area.

I would like to buy dds a flat and am saving for that now. It would be great to give them a good start in life. But I don’t plan on an allowance for adult children who are not in education- that’s creepy imo.

I would point out that you’re legally obliged to support children under 25 at university so I don’t consider that “helping them out”