To ask how much you’re still reliant on your parents?

[thecatsabsentcojones]

I was having a chat with someone today who still gets quite a lot of financial help from their parents. Her relationship has broken up, she’s a single mum and in a series of freelancing jobs, which albeit being really fun to work in aren’t well paid in that sector. She was saying that amongst her friends it’s really common to have a top up from parents because pay is now so low in comparison to the cost of living.

It’s causing her conflict with her parents who are fed up of subsidising her to work in an industry which is lovely to work in, so they’re asking if she could make changes to her career to perhaps earn more. The skills she has are pretty transferable to other industries. She feels it’s not easy to make the leap and earn much more money.

How much help do people get generally? And what happens with the next generation, who will be there to help them out if there’s the same issues of high property costs and low pay?

[Aswad]

Very very fortunate to have always had a job since 16 and have never asked for anything since, I think they once contributed to some car fines as it was £400ish
I’m much more likely to help my parents than other way round

[Rodehereonthebus]

I wonder if age has something to do with it? I find amongst my friends (late 20s/early 30s) quite a few people have had financial help, especially because the city we grew up in is so expensive. One of my friends who got on the property ladder early was only able to do so because her parents gave her a large chunk as a deposit - she's paying it back slowly but there's no interest so it's definitely been a big help to her. My parents didn't give me money but they allowed me to live at home rent-free for a few years which allowed me to kickstart my savings. It is undeniably much more difficult for young people to make a start in life so I think it will be more and more common to receive parental help, even if it's just subsidised rent at home.

[MintyMabel]

I've occasionally had to borrow money, (maybe twice in my life) and occasionally been chucked a lump of money here and there, but largely I don't have financial support from them. We've all been able to make some riskier choices knowing they could help if we needed it. Just knowing the cushion is there is enough. I fully intend to do the same for DD. Life will be hard enough for her without having to worry about money.

The biggest support is for childcare. They live far away and can't help in a regular basis, but mum comes to look after DD for some of the school holidays. We can afford to send her to an out of school club but she hates it as they aren't great for accessibility. Without that support we'd struggle.

[Valyria]

Both my Dp and I have no reliance on our parents. Both are working class and not very well off.

[ClementineTangerine]

Nope I dont get financial help from my parents, the only thing I get is the use of their logins for netflix and amazon prime!

[Genderwitched]

No financial help since I left home at 18 to go to Art college in the 70s.
I don't think it would occur to them. My Dad's salted it all away and it's now looking likely that it will go on a care home.

It may sound like I am bitter, but I'm really not, it's how life worked out and I don't feel entitled to it. It's a shame, I suppose , that they didn't think to help us out a little bit but it's just not how my Dad thinks, and he felt better having it put away for "a rainy day".

It's not how dh and I think though, we will try to make the kids lives a little easier if we can, money is to be enjoyed and used, in my opinion.

[ClementineTangerine]

Forgot to say I'm mid-life 20s.

I have friends who more than once since she moved out shes had to ask for her parents to pay her overdraft off for her.

It's not due to being unable to pay her bills either, it's down to her spending too much in stuff she doesnt need.

[raspberryk]

I have asked for loans from my Dad in the past, I ALWAYS pay him back. If it wasn't for him I could have been homeless, he advanced my deposit and six months rent while I waited from the proceeds of the sale of my house. He loaned me a few months childcare while I waited for payment to come through from student finance.
I had a gift from my grandad towards buying my house/fees etc when I became a single parent and had not quite enough to buy my house outright and I couldn't get a mortgage. I thought the agreement was to pay it back but he wouldn't accept the money.

[mag12]

None. My parents earn more than us but are terrible with money. Although we learn less we are certainly in a better position ie they have a lot of debt, we don’t. They spend above their means too - hence the debt. They haven’t always earned so much but I don’t rely on them at all.

So I’m not reliant on my parents at all. Haven’t been since I was a teenager. They didn’t earn much when I was a teenager compared to now so then if I wanted anything I had to work for it from a young age. Kinda jealous 😳 of my younger sister. At her age I was working for things whereas she’s never worked and gets designer shoes, brand new iPhones, holidays etc. I had none of that at her age. She doesn’t do a thing!

I hear of parents being able to buy their children cars, pay for uni etc etc. I barely had anything. I hope I can afford to do things like this for my children though.

My mum was very reliant on my grandparents when I was little. Not just financially but with lifts, borrowing their car, they ran around after her, had us all the time, they’d do shopping for her etc etc.

[Smurfy23]

I dont get any and nor has my husband. Everything we have done, got or bought we have paid for ourselves. However quite a few in my friendship group are either subsidised, employed or treated by parents. Even the ones who moan about the others getting financial help. We are all in our 30s.

[Ghostlyglow]

They're dead now, but never. I've been surprised sometimes by how reliant some people are on their parents-when they get them jobs for example. Mine never helped me. I don't think it ever occurred to them.

[tally79]

I received substantial financial help before I got married. Uni and all spending money paid for by them. Post graduation, they paid for my rent, car, parking (expensive in London!), BUPA and all "necessary" outgoings (their words not mine).

My salary started at 55,000 out of uni and was somewhere around 150,000 when I got married at 28. It was meant to cover clothing, travel, going out and general personal spending.

They paid for a generous wedding but their view was, once you are married, you are your own family.

I have continued to work and my salary covers mostly my clothing, travel and fun outgoings for us while DH's salary covers all our savings, school fees, and every other outgoing.

I completely realise how lucky I am and reading these threads makes me sad at the disparities that still exist.

I would say in my social circle in London I was middle of the range in terms of parental support while at uni and in my 20s.

[WobblingMyWigglyBits]

No financial help since early teens. Any school trips etc I had to pay back

[PickUpAPickUpAPenguin]

Unless you're referring to trust fund kids or people who is family for childcare, it's very unusual IMO. I'd be mortified to take money unless there was an emergency and I needed to ask for a loan (which I'd obviously pay back)

I've not had a penny from my parents since I was 19. I have a 19 year old who needs help like accomodation during the uni holidays but he pays for his other costs like car, clothes and food from his job. Uni fees and accommodation is obviously from his loan.

[Ninkanink]

Haven’t read the thread so answering OP only.

I’ve not been reliant on my parents at all, in any way, since I moved out aged 19.

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

Both dead now; I moved out when I was 16 and still at school, didn't receive any support, financial or otherwise, after that.
Care responsibilities shared with my sister for the last seven-ish years he was alive.
Received a small inheritance (c. £50k) when he died.
Brother received constant handouts from my mother, and stole from them both. Nowhere to be seen when my father needed assistance.

[Meggie2008]

Not on a monthly basis, but my dad would never see me worried or stuck for anything.
Earlier in the year, an uninsured driver crashed in to the back of my car. It was costing £200 to fix and I was worried as that was a tight month for me as id already paid my car insurance etc that month. Rather than lose my no claims, my dad paid it for me. I offered to pay him it back the next month but he refused.

My laptop packed in the other day and I need it for work. Our earnings are obviously reduced at the moment so today, my dad halved me the cost of a new one.

[Weekday28]

We have had help from in laws when we desperately needed money to buy a cheap car when our died, only £1000. But apart from that nothing huge maybe £100 here or there to see us through when times have been tough. We are now late 20's early 30's so don't need financial help.

I would however be willing to give cash presents to my children when they are older if we are still in a position to do so.

I find it more embarrassing that people still need help from parents for basic things like cutting hedges or changing a tire or something.

[FatRascalsAndJam]

We supported our DC financially through uni and then for around 6 months after. They ended up getting a job straight out of uni, but very low pay and in a city with high rents and an expensive commute. It paid off though, and six months of helping with rent later they’d managed to get a promotion. I appreciate that they are very fortunate to have had us help them out, as they may not have got their first foot in the door without that financial assistance. If in the future they needed our help again I’d be happy to support them, circumstances permitting. I definitely wouldn’t be subsidising a luxurious lifestyle though.

[DariaMorgendorffer]

They once signed as guarantors on a bank loan (which I paid myself in full), besides that nothing at all since I left home in my teens.

[Ninkanink]

I’ll certainly help my daughters more than my parents ever helped me. They will always know that they can come to me if they need a hand, whatever the circumstances may be. However I’ve taught them to be self-reliant, capable and responsible. At various points in each of their lives they may come upon situations where despite their best efforts they cannot solve a problem for themselves without a helping hand, and then I will do everything in power to help them solve it. That doesn’t mean I will clear up self-inflicted messes, nor that I will continuously bail them out.

[nibdedibble]

I was brought up to not rely on parents once I'd hit adulthood - for me that was as soon as I'd graduated (and I worked whilst studying as well).

It was explicitly told to me, you're expected to learn the skills you need to live independently and that means financially too. I never questioned it.

I'm nearly fifty and I have two teenagers and even getting close to having that conversation is not possible. It's not their fault, the rental market has fucked over a generation (thank you, if you own extra properties and rent them out for as much as you can possibly get, you're a leech). I'm not sure the memes about late millennials help their mindset any. We have agreed not to talk about our early twenties except in terms of working, because all the fun we were able to have (albeit on the cheap) would give them a skewed view of life now, I think.

[blue25]

None. I’d be embarrassed to take money from my parents. I'm an adult and look after myself.

[user1487194234]

We get 5k or so every year from my DHs parents
Very kind of them
We don't count on it or anything but it comes in handy

[NaviSprite]

None at all, not even as a child or teen, I was raised by Grandparents, Grandfather died when I was 15 and my Grandmother has had more financial help from me than the other way around (not that I mind).

My mum is in my life now and she offers some bits here and there but never money and to be honest I wouldn’t take it if she did, she’s not well off herself and has my teenage brother and sister (and herself!) to look after