Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

So without knowing the whole story you dont know.

The OP told us the whole story. She knew he was married but was determined to get pregnant.

She went out to get pregnant
And he was obviously ok with that because HE controls that situation.
For all the bitching about women who set out to get pregnant, and I'm sure there are many, why do we not acknowledge that the men have the final say there. Women still get the blame because the men were incapable or simply didn't want to ensure they were protected.
Especially in new, or casual, or deceitful relationships as this one was.
So, for me, he is way way worse and yes, sometimes we CAN help how we view things. Not that this is something I wouldn't judge but I'd judge the man a lot more for being so fucking stupid and selfish for not wearing a condom

Rape means penetrating someone without their consent, a man can do that by removing the condom as the woman consented to sex with a condom, women can't rape men. Of course it's wrong to lie about being on the pill (if she did) but it isn't the same as a man literally raping a woman.

Yes, 100% If they knew what they were getting into.

You don't explain how you know her intentions, she may have had an accidental pregnancy and then wanted to keep it. She's also single.
I'm not saying she has the highest morals or self regard, or control but the real scumbag here is the married man. Would it be better if she'd terminated the pregnancy? I think not - the issue is the affair - and HE was being unfaithful to his spouse, not her. Blame the Man more!

They are both equally at fault.

I have a friend who did that a few years ago . The man was promising f to leave his wife for her and of course it never happened. His wife took him back and told my friend they want nothing to do with the child but will be providing . She too was set on having a child and she knew he was married . She is a lovely girl but I never looked at her the same way

if a single man targeted a married woman with children and she cheated, would the married woman be more at fault or the single man for targeting a married woman?

@MinesAPintOfTea honestly I'm guessing your husband/partner cheated on you and you hate the other woman?? Or you're a man? If my dh came in and said he'd cheated on me and the ow had sworn she was on the pill but was pregnant. I wouldnt be mad with her. Rape?? Are you stupid?

She knew he was married but was determined to get pregnant
So, you just need to be determined? 🤣

You know, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant if he cared enough about that, right? He's he one providing what is actually needed (no, it isn't determination 🤣) so he is the one who could make sure it doesn't happen.
He chose not to.

I’m not sure ‘judge’ is the right word, but its not great. The bloke is vile, he’s married and therefore just scum to do this. And I never understand why a woman settles for a married man. I’d feel sorry for the all the children involved and the wife, they’re innocent victims of other people’s choices.

Horrible both of them!! Poor baby though.

They're both idiots.

I know someone who has been with his wife since aged 15 and now nearly 40. They have 4 kids together. He has 1 kid born when he was a teenager who is now 18 as well as at least 3 other known kids and recently just had another baby with his eldest daughters friend. That's 9 kids that are known about. His dad and brothers are the same. One of his younger brother has 2 kids born in the same month - one to his wife and the other to his girlfriend.

I judge all of those involved. Him. His wife for ignoring it all and putting their kids though it all and all of the other women. It's a small town and everyone knows who he is and that he is married but it's like a game now. They all want to be the one to take him away from her and live happily every after.

It's a mess and setting these kids up for a lifetime of pain and ridicule. I dread it coming out that he has more kids people don't publicly know about and they are actually dating each other.

@NameChange84 this is basically what my partner did to me! Was chased by a very selfish, brazen female and stupidly gave in. Then when they didn't end up playing happy families ( because he didn't want her) she made my life a misery until I actually had to get the police to stop her from contacting me! In my opinion both are scum but karma is a bitch to women like this!

He's the scumbag

if a single man targeted a married woman with children and she cheated, would the married woman be more at fault or the single man for targeting a married woman?

The married woman obviously.

notacooldad whilst I see your point, when you have friends that you invite in to your life it is worth taking note of their character and moral values, whilst this specific action does not impact my life it does reflect aspects of this person's character which indicates where their moral compass lies, I would judge that she is the kind of person who will take what she wants and fuck the consequences, she is manipulative and reckless with other people's lives, I would deem her unpleasant and untrustworthy.

I would, but on the other hand I'd think that what she's doing is likely to be its own punishment in the end. If he can treat his wife like that, he'll very likely treat her the same way when she isn't such a novelty!

A neighbour did exactly that. Biological clock was against her. She assumed he'd leave his wife - he didn't. And a few years later, he had another child with another woman, who assumed he'd leave his wife - he didn't.

Sorry that didn't answer your question OP - yes, I'd judge her badly.

Nope, no one made him cheat on his family.
My dad had affairs constantly, why would I blame the women he fucked when it was him who was the lying, cheating arsehole?

if a single man targeted a married woman with children and she cheated, would the married woman be more at fault or the single man for targeting a married woman?

Yes @SerenDippitty in my opinion the married woman would be more at fault.

The single man would in my view be behaving horribly too.

But if blame and judgement was to be apportioned the married party is more to blame, regardless of gender.

Did you think the answer would be different?

Sorry this bit was meant to be in bold as I was quoting @SerenDippitty

if a single man targeted a married woman with children and she cheated, would the married woman be more at fault or the single man for targeting a married woman?

No not really, it’s just that in the single woman married man scenario the woman seems to be seen as totally passive.