Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

[PegasusReturns]

A close friend of mine has a child fathered by a married man. He used to tell her how much he wanted to have a baby with her.

Not long after the baby was born their relationship ended and he has nothing to do with her or their child.

I don’t judge her. The situation is less than ideal but she’s done a fantastic job raising her child. He on the other hand is a scumbag.

I’m sure one day it will come out - these things have a habit of doing so - and he will deserve everything he gets.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances.

The married man is the one who should be held to the higher standards here. OW wasn't the one who made vows to his wife. He was.

[eatsleepread]

I'd judge her to hell and back. But in the interests of fairness, I would judge him equally badly.

[joysexreno]

Yes

[unchienandalusia]

Yes I would. And have in fact. My friend did this. Her DC is now 10. We don't speak anymore.

[betterfantasia]

There's a difference between calling their behaviour dreadful and condemning them as human beings. What they've done is selfish and callous. I have no idea why they did it.

[blueangel19]

Yes, I would big time. Awful 😞

[Pyewackect]

@blueangel19

Yes, I would big time. Awful 😞

Me too.

[FireflyRainbow]

I'd judge him for cheating and having no involvement in his baby. I'd probably judge the wife for staying with someone who did that to her and could reject his child. I'd judge the other woman if she knew about the wife.

[worried3012]

I think many situations like this are unique so I wouldn't necessarily judge the woman as I wouldn't know the full circumstances.

[NoCauseRebel]

I know someone who was the OW her entire life and had a baby with the MM. I don’t know the exact circumstances other than that she kept the baby and brought her up on her own while he only saw her once a week.

His wife actually did threaten to kill herself and their children if he ever left her and the children confirmed this when they got older.

After his wife died they maintained their relationship and never actually moved in together or anything. He’s dead now and his children from his marriage are actually incredibly close to her.

I think that sometimes we can judge all too easily based purely on a snapshot. But in truth life is more complicated than that.

She’s in her 90’s now and had the baby back in an age where having an illegitimate child was severely frowned on. She had to change her name to an apparent married one when she checked into hospital so that she wasn’t judged.

I find it sad that she lived her whole life like this, but I wonder whether, once you’ve fallen into a habit it’s hard to break, and in truth she would never have found anyone to be with with an illegitimate child, things were so much different back then.

[Gensola]

I wouldn’t judge and I certainly wouldn’t use the term “homewrecker” of another woman - if anyone wrecked his home, he did. Sometimes it is all too obvious why we still live in a deeply sexist society when women still talk like this about each other