Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

Except people that do ?

The lack of morals among some women is astounding.
Imagine if it was your own husband!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤮🤮

And here it is, spin from Westminster.

Bit late now though eh.

I know someone who did that - the married man now leads a stressful double life. I feel sorry for his wife who knows but turns a blind eye. Personally I think it is all a bit immoral but I don't get involved.

Assuming she is single, he is the one that has broken his marriage vows, not her so I certainly would have little or no sympathy for him. Yes, of course we all know that marriages sadly don't always work out, there are lots of reasons for that and it isn't always one person's fault. But if your marriage has broken down to the point where you want to persue a relationship with someone else, surely the right thing to do is to leave your spouse as soon as you realise it, not try to have your cake and eat it? I have no respect for people who live double lives, whether they are male or female. So in this case I would say that it is the man who is primarily at fault. I don't buy the idea of poor little innocent men being unable to resist brazen hussies out to seduce them. Well if they are so weak they are pathetic, but mostly I think they know exactly what they are doing.
However, I wouldn't say the other woman was blameless either. She also had a choice about starting an affair with a married man and about having unprotected sex. Both of those things are, in my opinion, selfish things to do. Obviously there may be more to the story than the OP knows, but solely on the basis of what she has told us, I probably wouldn't be keen to maintain the friendship with the pregnant woman and I certainly wouldn't condone her actions.
However, life is seldom that black and white, so it is hard to say how I would react if I was friends with her in real life. I wouldn't want to see the baby suffer so if she needed my support in order for her baby to be properly cared for then I hope I would give it. But I wouldn't pretend that I thought her behaviour was ok.

I would judge him more. He took vows and she didn't. He could have said no. I do think ,he should have worn a condom anyway. The pill doesn't stop STI so he obviously didn't care about the risk of infecting his wife but that's not surprising as,he cheated.

I can't believe the posters who are talking about men 'giving in' when pestered for sex!

100% of ruining the marriage goes to the scumbag husband. The woman having the affair was stupid and I actually pity her for the fallout she will need to deal with as the child grows older and asks where their dad is.

Yep I'd totally judge her. And him.

She went into it with a hidden agenda. Since she wanted the baby, she could always have kept her trap shut and paid to raise the child herself.

I'd judge them both, but I'd judge the man more.

How can people not judge both of them equally? People can get extremely hurt in these situations. Apathy to destructive behaviour doesn't make you cool and "woke". He's foolish and selfish for cheating, she's narcissistic for needing to pursue someone already in a relationship.

I’d judge him more. I’d assume she was desperate for a child and believed whatever crock of shit he told her about their marriage.

Very few women have affairs with someone who tells them I’m happily married and love my wife.

I’d judge him, not her. I have a friend in this situation, she’s lovely and he’s an absolute arsehole but she fell in love with him.
I don’t consider her a ‘home wrecker’ but I do him.

I would and I do.

I’d not think much of her morals, but he’s the swine.

He’s not only cheating on his wife, he’s putting her health at risk by shagging about without a condom and destroying the happiness of his existing family because he won’t keep his dick in his pants.

Surely what she did should be illegal?

Calling a woman a "homewrecker" makes me cringe.

It's an outdated, sexist term that absolves the man of responsibility and feeds into the notion that men can't help themselves/women are temptresses. This also feeds into rape culture and the whole "she was asking for it" line of thought.

He cheated on his wife. He wrecked their family unit. The woman "setting out" to become pregnant made poor choices and will no doubt suffer the consequences but I would be laying the "homewrecking" plaque firmly at HIS feet.

Yes. This happened to two different men I know. In both cases the women involved
told the men they couldn't have children and then later announced she was pregnant. One of the men pays a lot of maintenance and support for the child. The other never sees his son.
Their wives cope with it but their relationships are strained.

Absolutely.

She deliberately chose to do what she did.

Kind of .... but in every case I've seen this happen , the woman ( ow) by far gets the roughest end of the deal, so judging seems overly cruel .
The husband for sure needs to be judged and the family needs sympathy .
Horrible situation for all involved I think.

I would probably judge my friend. I’d let it go though as it’s her who has to live with their decision. I agree some others it’s mainly the mans responsibility as he could of used contraception but choose not to.

@Pinkyyy it’s not illegal for somebody to get pregnant deliberately how could you prove this anyway.

I think your missing the key point had the man not been having sex with OW it would not of happened. Also I bet he didn’t discuss methods of contraception before having the best of both...

How awful for his existing children and his wife. Maybe he didnt envisage ending up with another offspring from his affair but still cheating on his family ... the "other" woman obv doesnt care too hoots about the children or wife/DP ... and I pity her poor baby as it has a mother like that.

Of her no I wouldn't.
It's all on him I'm afraid.

Anyway, he chose not to use a condom, knowingly endangering his wife as he could have infected her with any manner of STIs. I'd be more inclined to wish that was illegal!