Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

@h3av3n we don't know the full story. Maybe she pursued him after deciding that HE was the one and only person she would want to father her child. Some people are like that . It still doesn't make it right that the man cheated but it definitely adds a lot more responsibility to the woman who set out to sleep with him than it otherwise would.

[h3av3n]

But how is she the home wrecker instead of the husband? The husband decided to cheat, if she said no then he would have tried another woman

[bluecar3]

She went out to get pregnant as she was obsessed with having a baby for a while before. She said he was furious because he thought she was on the pill but she wasn't. Yes she knew he was married

[Mammatino]

I’d like to think I wouldn’t judge but I probably would. Why on earth would she want a child with a married man that didn’t actively want a child with her? It would make me think she had some really big issues In her life. Or maybe she didn’t want active participation from the father and thought this was a great way to have a child but not have a dad involved? I would judge them both for putting their own wants before the wife and child of the existing family that’s been destroyed.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

And in the situation I described below if he said no she would have kept pushing to sleep with him regardless.

[h3av3n]

Even if she pursued him (that's extremely rare) he is still the one who cheated and chose to betray his wife and family.

[CoronaIsComing]

Yes I’d judge them both.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

@h3av3n yes that remains true. It also makes her a 'homewrecker'.

[h3av3n]

If someone can't handle being sexually pursued by someone else then they shouldn't be in a relationship, some women are pursued sexually on a daily basis and still don't cheat. He chose to cheat.

[funinthesun19]

I wouldn’t give it much thought to be honest. No more thought than I would if she had a baby with an unmarried man.
I’d just hope the mum and baby are happy and healthy, the same way as I would any other new mum and her baby.

[Whatsername177]

I also judge a person who lies about using a birth control method. A man telling a woman hes using a condom (or continuing despite knowing it had ripped) is disgusting and deceitful. A woman telling a man she is on the pill when she is not is disgusting and deceitful.

[StoneofDestiny]

The married man and your friend have the morals of alleycats.

[feliciabirthgiver]

My SIL did this (on purpose), I love my nephew with all my heart so I don't judge

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Pretty shit think to do imho. I used to be friends with this girl having an affair with a married man. At first I tried not to over think it but after a while all she did was go on about why didn't he leave her (and their children) and I started to realise how utterly narcissistic she was. She just did not give a shit about them. She even thought about getting pregnsng but I talked her out of it. We are g friends now of course.
There's getting caught up in a guys lies and there's knowingly doing this to another woman and they are two different things.
Which does not make the men in either scenario ok. They are the ones lying to someone that loves and trusts them, every day, so I have no sympathy for the husband who thought he could shag without consequences.
If this was my friend I would pull away from them - it says a lot about a person that they can do this, to their own child as well.

[Magicpaintbrush]

She deliberately went after a married man in order to get pregnant, not giving a shit about ruining the lives of the wife and children? Then she's a callous, heartless bitch. And the unfaithful husband is a cunt. Hopefully karma will bit them both on the arse. I hope the betrayed wife is able to move on and find happiness without being shackled to such a lying piece of shit. Though sometimes people never get over a betrayal of this magnitude. It is the worst thing you can do to somebody who loves you.

[FOJN]

I'm afraid I don't hold women to a higher standard than men and in this situation I judge him way more. Having an affair is bad enough but he was obviously having unprotected sex and putting his wife at risk. I don't believe in men being "tricked" by women who get pregnant; it's pretty fucking simple, abstain or take responsibility for contraception its too late to play the victim when a baby is on the way.
The woman's behaviour is reprehensible but he is a total cunt. I feel for his wife and all the children in the situation.

[Silenceisnotgolden]

Yes. I would absolutely judge them both for the partS they both played in their horrible game. The poor wife and children; one of which certainly didn’t ask to be born into such a challenging family situation.

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

Even if a woman "sets out to sleep with someone " he can say no. It's highly unlikely he could be forced to have sex with her

He's the bigger home wrecker.

[CuppaZa]

Yeah I’d judge

[timetest]

I would hold him many times more responsible than her.

[Truthpact]

I judge them both. Her for forcing a man to become a father when he wasn't aware of the situation, and him for cheating. Both deserve each other. Not like anyone else deserves to be with people like that.

[Sometimeswinning]

I seriously doubt anyone on here can judge. She was desperate for a baby. She thinks she can get him by being pregnant? Shes an idiot but she'll learn. Hes betrayed his family and is the twat in this. He will never learn or care.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Even if a woman "sets out to sleep with someone " he can say no. It's highly unlikely he could be forced to have sex with her confused"

Yes, there's quite a lot of sexism in that, the idea that a woman can 'bewitch' a man or that men are just incapable of resisting seduction.

[Namechangex10000]

Yes I would. No time for that. Wouldn’t spit on them if they were on fire.

[Sometimeswinning]

I've just seen forcing him to be a father