Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

[Krazynights34]

What is there to judge? Whether she should have decided to get pregnant by someone she wasn’t with “permanently”?
Whether she should have (allegedly) decided to get pregnant without being married?
Whether she should have chosen to tell you any of this (presuming she did - you didn’t actually say how you know any of this)?
Whether she should have chosen another sexual partner?
Obviously, for fuck’s sake, in a society where people apparently value marriage, no-one should have affairs.
But there is this horrible thing called people.. and LOTS of them are not very nice.
Given that, what is there to judge?
The question could be, who could and should you empathise with, and who will you support

[FiveFootTwoEyesOfBlue]

If she did it deliberately, as you say, then yes, that's incredibly selfish. If she'd got pregnant accidentally then I would just judge her for sleeping with a married man, which is immoral in itself.

[NameChange84]

Absolutely. A woman who was my babysitter set out to get my Dad when I was 8 and, well he was a dick and gave in. She intentionally set out to destroy our family unit and lied about being on the pill.
She was very brazen about telling everyone she wanted my Dad for herself. She did become pregnant and had a child, expecting Dad to ditch us. Instead, Mum threw him out and he spent years begging to come back with us. She was incandescent when she saw that he didn’t want a life with her despite my Mum chucking him out. My Dad absolutely was there for the child but didn’t want the bitch other woman. After many years my parents did get back together and my Mum even offered to adopt the child as the other woman was a dreadful mother and the child was unhappy and neglected.

So she didn’t get what she wanted. I’ve never really forgiven either of them and I have absolutely zero respect for anyone who has an affair or targets someone who is married and/or has children. They are the vilest vilest scum of the earth and there is never an excuse.

The damage it does, especially to children, is irreparable.

[Babyroobs]

Yes I would. Very selfish.

[Electrical]

God yeah, what trash. Poor kid having scum for parents. Has the mistress and community-cock had STD tests? Why did she choose the rancid male to ejaculate inside her? There’s so much cock available, why did she have standards in the gutter and choose to blow up a womans life just to get the sperm of a failure of man. Pathetic.

[mummuddlingthrough81]

If she definitely knew he was married and still had an affair and got herself in the position to get pregnant then i would certainly think very little of her. And him.

[begladtoseethebackoff2020]

I'd consider them both to be very selfish, and just not very nice people.

[BackseatCookers]

I also judge a person who lies about using a birth control method. A man telling a woman hes using a condom (or continuing despite knowing it had ripped) is disgusting and deceitful. A woman telling a man she is on the pill when she is not is disgusting and deceitful.

This.

[squirrelsbizaar]

I’d judge them both for different reasons. Married man is a duplicitous scum bag for breaking vows/ trust of partner. Anyone who consciously targets a married person, is pretty scummy too - I’d say they have low self worth if they want a cheat as a partner, father to their children.

[AdoraBell]

If she knew he was married then yes.

[Daisy12Maisie]

I know a supervisor at work who targeted a woman who had lost her baby to sids and pretended he was managing her welfare. She was single as the father of the baby who died was violent to her and dumped her whilst she was pregnant so she was very vulnerable. The supervisor told her him and his partner had separated and they were selling the house. He was all over the lady at work despite his partner also working there so she had no reason to think he was lying about being separated. He got her pregnant.
I really, really dont think someone grieving for a lost baby is to blame for an affair in those circumstances. I think he is a disgusting sleaze. He is still with her partner and she knows he got a vulnerable woman pregnant and then had nothing to do with her. Work did investigate it but he managed to keep his job. The woman's life was made so difficult she had to leave which in my opinion is constructive dismissal.
So without knowing the whole story you dont know.

[Sometimeswinning]

Why is it always down to women to worry about birth control? If I cheated I'd be very sure to cover myself! Are men just forgiven for being stupid because they cant get pregnant?

[lilmishap]

Yeah Id judge a woman for bringing a baby into the world knowing that baby would always be a source of shame for dad and grandparent/ sibling relationships would be fucked.
Not as harshly as I'd judge him though.

[Icantbelieveitsnotnutter]

Yes, absolutely callous narcissistic behaviour. It really makes me mad.

[Viviennemary]

Yes I would judge. But I can see why people do it.

[lilmishap]

If she knew he was married then yes
Do married men not know about how babies are made?

[NameChange84]

@Sometimeswinning

Upon discovering my Dad had impregnated the other woman, 8 year old me said, sobbing, “But why didn’t you wear a condom daddy?” Why are men such total and utter swine? If a child could understand why not a man in his 40s!

[MinesAPintOfTea]

He consented to protected sex, she lied about protection. Neither of them look good, but if a man lied about protection to a woman there would be more outrage

[taraRoo]

I know someone who did this. She targeted this guy because he had a Bentley. She actually picked him up at a funeral beleive it or not. She got pregnant within a few months. He had two teenagers and a wife. The wife was devastated as they were childhood sweethearts. After they had the baby the girl claimed to have post natal depression and said she couldn't work any more. She's been a kept woman since. They live in Florida now. I very much doubt she 'can't'' work. She's manipulative and he's stupid.

However , I believe in karma. He looks totally miserable in any social media posts as his other kids have disowned him . They never seem to be together. She is always on holiday with friends. Personally, I think he still loves his wife. They moved to Florida because the ex was still around and still owned half the business. The girl hated that. They haven't married and she would be in big trouble if they split as she's not worked for years.

[SerenDippitty]

Yes but they are also stupid enough to trust women who tell them they are on the pill. I'd judge both of them.

[Sometimeswinning]

Shocked at the amount of women who would judge. We see men leaving pregnant women. Men leaving families and never paying. Men cheating and leaving women pregnant because they said they were on the pill. Men starting new families because the last one didnt work out. Yet when this happens they are both equal!!

[CayrolBaaaskin]

He’s the homewrecker. Whether or not she “set out to sleep” with him, he was a willing participant and was not raped.

I don’t think she has made good choices but I wouldn’t hate on her for that. Can’t believe so many awful people calling her a homewrecker. It’s 2020 people!

[eaglejulesk]

I would judge them both. Idiots.

[h3av3n]

If a man doesn't want to get a woman pregnant he has responsibility for that, he could have not ejaculated inside her and worn a condom, there's no way to know if the woman accidentally missed a couple of pills even if she's on the pill and he also risked infecting his wife with STIs

[MinesAPintOfTea]

Many posters would agree that a man who said they would use a condom and didn't is a rapist. Why not this woman?