Would you judge someone who had a baby with a married man?

[bluecar3]

Not a reverse.

I know someone who has had a baby after having an affair with a married man. She went out to get pregnant as she wanted a baby, and he had a wife and children so it's destroyed their lives. The father is not involved at all.

I think the man is a slimeball but I can't help but feel very disapproving of her too. My father had an affair and it would have been devastating if this had resulted in a half sibling too. I wish I wasn't such a judgey cow but we can't help some things can we?

[Gensola]

I wouldn’t judge and I certainly wouldn’t use the term “homewrecker” of another woman - if anyone wrecked his home, he did. Sometimes it is all too obvious why we still live in a deeply sexist society when women still talk like this about each other

[NoCauseRebel]

I know someone who was the OW her entire life and had a baby with the MM. I don’t know the exact circumstances other than that she kept the baby and brought her up on her own while he only saw her once a week.

His wife actually did threaten to kill herself and their children if he ever left her and the children confirmed this when they got older.

After his wife died they maintained their relationship and never actually moved in together or anything. He’s dead now and his children from his marriage are actually incredibly close to her.

I think that sometimes we can judge all too easily based purely on a snapshot. But in truth life is more complicated than that.

She’s in her 90’s now and had the baby back in an age where having an illegitimate child was severely frowned on. She had to change her name to an apparent married one when she checked into hospital so that she wasn’t judged.

I find it sad that she lived her whole life like this, but I wonder whether, once you’ve fallen into a habit it’s hard to break, and in truth she would never have found anyone to be with with an illegitimate child, things were so much different back then.

[worried3012]

I think many situations like this are unique so I wouldn't necessarily judge the woman as I wouldn't know the full circumstances.

[FireflyRainbow]

I'd judge him for cheating and having no involvement in his baby. I'd probably judge the wife for staying with someone who did that to her and could reject his child. I'd judge the other woman if she knew about the wife.

[Pyewackect]

@blueangel19

Yes, I would big time. Awful 😞

Me too.

[blueangel19]

Yes, I would big time. Awful 😞

[betterfantasia]

There's a difference between calling their behaviour dreadful and condemning them as human beings. What they've done is selfish and callous. I have no idea why they did it.

[unchienandalusia]

Yes I would. And have in fact. My friend did this. Her DC is now 10. We don't speak anymore.

[joysexreno]

Yes

[eatsleepread]

I'd judge her to hell and back. But in the interests of fairness, I would judge him equally badly.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

I don't know. I don't know all the circumstances.

The married man is the one who should be held to the higher standards here. OW wasn't the one who made vows to his wife. He was.

[PegasusReturns]

A close friend of mine has a child fathered by a married man. He used to tell her how much he wanted to have a baby with her.

Not long after the baby was born their relationship ended and he has nothing to do with her or their child.

I don’t judge her. The situation is less than ideal but she’s done a fantastic job raising her child. He on the other hand is a scumbag.

I’m sure one day it will come out - these things have a habit of doing so - and he will deserve everything he gets.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I would on the facts you’ve given - ie she knew he was married with kids and went out to get pregnant.

But I wouldn’t judge without all the facts, no.

I’d judge him much more either way as he was the one who made the commitment to his wife and kids.

[Hankunamatata]

A friends daughter did this. Friend was mortified as her dd admitted she wanted a baby and thought he would be a good dad as had 3 kids with his wife already . She deliberately chased after him and he was a total slime and gave in.

He ended up staying with the wife and has no contact with the child but does pay child maintenance. Luckily her parents are amazing and supported her.

Both people are utter slim imo.

[Bubblebu]

sadly the men who do this do not give any kind of monkeys what anyone else thinks of them they are all in it for themselves 24/7

[lboogy]

Do you all remember Andrew Marr did something similar. And of course Boris and his untold number of affair children. I have no respect for Marr and even less if it's possible for Boris.

[Bubblebu]

"he got what he deserved. He lost his wife and his kids will end up hating him"

I have heard of plenty of married men who ultimately are not too fussed about losing their wife and kids, especially as they are the type to find another woman to give them kids and (if she insists) become their "wife".

women who are absolutely and increasingly desperate to have children are literally everywhere......

[Bubblebu]

14all74


"If people choose to do reckless,and damaging things,and mess up their lives, they will have to go forth and deal with the aftermath themselves"

but the aftermath does not affect just "themselves" does it??

[Okbussitout]

I'd judge him way more. But I would judge her. Mainly because I don't respect women who are happy to be a bit on the side and allow men to behave like that.

[EL8888]

You feel the way you feel. I would judge them both. She clearly loves the drama and isn’t the sharpest tool in the box

[Viviennemary]

I would judge. Its a disgrace. Some folk have no morals.

[dworky]

I'd judge the married man more negatively.

[DontBeRidiculous]

I'd judge them both for different reasons. If she wanted to get pregnant, I'm sure she could've found another way, such as any of the many, many men who aren't married! I feel sorry for a baby conceived in this way. They'll probably never know their father, and if they learn the truth about their conception, they'll know that both their parents were rather scummy.

[May17th]

@h3av3n

He chose to ejaculate inside her and chose to cheat on his wife...

Absolutely. If there was more focus on this rather than the OW I think the man wouldn’t be so quick to risk his family at home!

[TheNinny]

Yes. Its a shitty thing to do. Makes her a shitty person. She could've used a sperm donor if getting a baby was all it was for.