to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

Depends why they’re picky really. DD1 eats most things so when she doesn’t like something I know she genuinely doesn’t like it.
DD2 just prefers junk food to anything healthy. She is absolutely fine eating vegetables, she’d just rather not. So yeah, I do get annoyed!

I think you’re certainly right that making kids feel naughty and punishing them for this is not the right approach. Bound to set up problems around food.

But I can’t agree that it’s right to just say “crack on with being picky”. ASD maybe a different point but it is not great for all sorts of reasons: nutritional, mental and social, for people to exclude large numbers of foods.

I do think that without being pushy or bullying it is quite important to encourage children to eat as wide a variety of food as possible and particularly to encourage them not to be scared of foods because they haven’t had them before.

It’s also not really sustainable in adult life for people to exclude whole classes of food because they don’t like the texture, for example. Tastes change and if you don’t try you’ll never know.

I think it’s really a case of leading by example. Putting a variety of foods on the table and showing the importance of trying stuff out. Without shame or pushing.

Sorry but people who are picky eaters (especially adult ones) are a total pain in the ass.

I think it depends on the situation. I don't think anyone should force a child to eat something they don’t like or shame them for not eating it. We all have our own tastes. But I think the issue is when kids refuse to try foods, because that can become a habit and they become like someone I know who hates most foods and covers everything in tomato sauce so they can't taste the food underneath.

That said, I do also know people with ASD who have the food phobias and sensory issues, and it's totally unfair to criticise them for something they have little control over.

Of course, I still get called a fussy eater because I'm gluten intolerant 🙄 if I could, I would eat almost anything - but I can't!

I don’t know.

My kids are terribly fussy eaters and it drives me insane for all sorts of reasons.

But as adults we generally encourage not eating everything don’t we..?

I mean I wish I didn’t eat everything to be honest 😭😂😂

Picky eating is a first world problem tbh, my mother grew up in a poor/low income household and will eat anything.

She went hungry as a child and did not have the 'luxury' of choosing not to eat certain things.

My husband is like this too.

That is not to say that people do not have allergies or sensory issues, this is a different matter entirely.

'Picky kids always eat chocolate' this was said to me by a health visitor and it has stuck with me!

Nt adults who are fussy eaters drive me insane. It totally ruins social occasions and entertaining

Didn't put up with picky eaters. When money is tight you eat what there is or go hungry.
Obviously if there's the odd thing somebody doesn't like. My dh can't bring himself to eat offal. I don't like pineapple.
There was the odd thing the kids didn't like as children, so I didn't cook them.
Otherwise you eat what's there, I've been known to serve the same meal up twice after being in the fridge.
They soon learned. As adults they eat anything really, and are raising their kids the same.

I think it’s really a case of leading by example. Putting a variety of foods on the table and showing the importance of trying stuff out. Without shame or pushing. And Picky eating is a first world problem tbh, my mother grew up in a poor/low income household and will eat anything
Not true of children with a diagnosis of ARFID which is Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.
There are going to be a whole heap of ill informed and judgemental people on this thread

I agree, I was a picky eater as a child and got so much grief for it. My favourite thing to eat was plain bread and cheese, so it’s not like I was hard to provide for!

I used to hide food in my pockets and flush it down the loo or put it in an outside bin later

I completely agree with you. I was a picky eater as a child. I wasn't deliberately being difficult. Things taste very strongly to men, I have very sensitive taste buds.

But people forced me to sit at the table for hours and it didn't do a bit of good.

I think you need to determine if your child is refusing for control or it's to do with their taste.

Picky kids always eat chocolate Ha that’s great!

@Sewingbea But we aren’t talking about those with medical diagnoses or allergies. We are talking about picky eaters who only eat oven chips and nuggets and not fruit and vegetables.

I grew up in a house with little money. No snacks (in my view this did me no harm),and you ate what you were given. My parents couldn't afford to waste money or food.

Picky fussy kids who get pandered to generally grow into picky fussy adults (additional needs not included).

Having been a school chef I have seen this so often.

But those with a medical diagnosis don't always want to shout it from the rooftops, especially as teenagers, and instead get judged by the ill informed who often seem to have plenty to say about the issue.

Unless there's allergies there is no reason for picky eating - and I say this as a parent of an incredibly fussy dd with asd. We allowed her to get fussy because we didn't want to deal with the tantrums. Eventually she learned to eat most things.

Having been a school chef I have seen this so often As I was saying...

I was treated as a 'naughty' child when I was younger because I didn't eat everything that was put in front of me. As a result I went days without food and ended up in hospital very underweight. The doctors assumed I had an eating disorder which I didn't. I just had a mother that was very strict. You either ate what she cooked or you staved........ I remember a lovely nurse asking me to write a list of foods I would eat - which she typed up and gave to my mother. It's definitely affected my eating habits as an adult. Thankfully my children are very good eaters and eat most things but if they say they don't like something I would never gorse them to eat it.

I’m pretty sure DD2 doesn’t have ARFID. She’d just rather eat chips and chocolate than vegetables.

I think it’s because the preparing of food for someone is seen as such a big ‘favour’ . We also see constant scenes of people without food in the media and see any sort of rejection of readily available food as a selfish act. I think there should be more understanding of it as a mental health thing to be honest. Maybe kids taken out for half an hour in small groups in schools to work on food related things, or NHS funded therapies for kids that are fussy. I know in very extreme cases where there’s nutritional issues it’s offered.
I would have benefitted as a child some exposure type therapy maybe with a couple of other kids like me. I wasn’t very fussy but I had issues with hygiene and cross contamination of food (touching!) and it’s taken me into my 20s to really get into my stride with food. I love cooking but I’ll even cook food I won’t eat ! I am much better though.

Some of these replies are so annoying. I'm fussy and it's not because there is anything wrong with me and absolutely no one spoilt me but you will not make me eat fish or seafood. It tastes horrific to me.

I got around the problem by becoming a vegetarian but I've never understood why people have no tolerance for this issue but they seem to understand every other thing.

Eat what you like but don't feel the need to tell people.

@zoemum2006 exactly the same. I was involved in a study at university and it showed I was a “super taster”. As you say people think you are being “difficult” when in fact you can’t help disliking certain foods as to you they taste bad.

I was quite picky as a kid but there was a lot of us to cook for and you couldn't really have catered for everybody. There are certain things, such as cheese, which I really couldn't stomach and mum would make sure I didn't have to eat that. There were a lot of foods, like mushrooms, spinach (funny how it's never chocolate) which I disliked but just had to put up with.

A lot of stuff I've come to like over time, possibly I've just got used to it.

I was forced to eat lunch that made me gag at primary, you weren't allowed to leave anything and there were no choices.

It was only one thing but you had to get what you were given and finish it.

It put me off that food for life.

I always think how would I feel being dished up food I hated.

Anyway we tend to be a, stuff in the middle have what you fancy (with an eye to the kids having some veg, salad or whatever) rather than being given a plate of food. That's fine.

When they were little I encouraged them to try stuff but ok if they didn't like it. They are both pretty ok now they are secondary school. One went veggie 2 years ago again fine.

I don't cook food I know they both don't like. I don't cook lots of separate meals either.

It's not got to be a fuss.

My dad always had to clear his plate and still Hoover's up all everyone's leftovers even if he's full. That's not great either.

I suppose I think children are people. And lots of people just don't like certain foods. And it's not hard to work around it and make everyone happy.