to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

People have different tastes in clothes, cars, hobbies, interior design, attractiveness, tv shows, colours, music.

Of course, but there are still plenty of situations in which you have to wear clothes that aren't to your taste (work uniforms, for example), live in homes that aren't to your taste (because you're renting), listening to music that isn't your taste (in a waiting room or restaurant) etc. etc.

It's perfectly fine to have foods that you like and foods that you don't. But most of us can eat the foods we don't really like, and in many situations life will be better and easier if we do that. Not to mention healthier.

I don't get why people have a problem with fussy eaters? Why on earth would you be annoyed at someone for not wanting to eat something that tastes disgusting to them?

I'm not overly fussy but I don't eat cheese, the thought of a mouthful of cheese makes me gag, it just tastes horrible. Cheese is in so many things so because of this people think I'm a really fussy eater, have always taken the mick out of me for being "sooo fussy" and tbh it really fucking pisses me off. Maybe I'll put a plate of vomit in front of you and take the piss out of you if you don't want to eat it eh

I'm a picky eater as an adult. I can't deal with some textures. Undercooked peppers and onions, ugh. I also don't like them to be long and slimey. I can stomach the slimey stuff if somebody else has cooked for me but I don't like the taste of onions anyway, and MIL always chops up onion about an inch long and throws it in food just before serving. I can't pretend to like that. I pick it all out.

I wasn't punished for disliking things as a child because I ate most things in front of me, we ate lots of fresh food and veg, just cooked it in a way I liked it. As long as I tried things and didn't refuse, that was ok.

When we go to a fish restaurant I'm picky. When we go to a veggie restaurant I like, my sister is picky.

Honestly I think some people just like to feel superior to others. Some people taste things more than others. Anyone who drinks white wine or hershey's chocolate has very limited taste buds IMHO and if you have so few taste buds that you can't taste the vomit favour in these things I'm not sure that's something you should really feel entitled to take pride in!

cabingirl

I don't understand by children must like and eat everything when adults are allowed to have preferences and say they don't like something. I know someone in their 30s who cannot stand the taste of goats cheese - no one makes her eat it.

But also why is food the only thing people are not allowed to have preferences about without it being seen as fussy?

People have different tastes in clothes, cars, hobbies, interior design, attractiveness, tv shows, colours, music.

Agree with absolutely everything said here.

I have 2 DC. Both weaned the same and raised the same. DS1 (15 ) is pescetarian and fussy. DS2 (13) will eat almost anything. He doesn't really like pizza but actually ate that one day last week. (So its not a parenting thing as so many people think)

I get totally fed up with people who think DS1 should eat whatever hes cooked "because hes a child". His Dad and Step-Mum are very much "eat what you are given and be grateful" parents. The only effect that had on his diet is that he didn't see them for over a year. My exes favourite meal is spaghetti bolognese, ds1 hates it and always has. The amount of times his dad would phone me (before he went pesce) and tell me to "tell ds he had to eat what we've cooked". No I won't tell him he has to eat a meal you know he doesnt like. I pointed out to ex that for the 5 years we lived together I never cooked a spicy curry or chilli, only ever mild because that's the only way he would eat it. DS has actually told me since that part of the reason he decided to stop eating meat was because his dad would stop trying to force him to eat it. What they do now is refuse to cook an alternative so he gets the non meat part if a meal and that's all. So dry pasta, and even sometimes bread and butter for lunch with no filling. Apparently if they arent having cheese on their pasta he isn't allowed cheese on his. And if they are having ham sandwiches then there isnt an alternative

My more recent ex was always moaning about DS being pesce. Apparently him not eating fish was completely different! And his Mum actually told me that my DS was far less fussy than ex was at the same age.

Im so used to his food likes and dislikes that I don't even see it as an issue anymore. He did voluntarily try an olive the other day.

Actually I've processed what I've said. I don't think disliking under/overcooked peppers makes me fussy, or disliking onions....I just don't like them.
I've always been told I'm fussy, but those that have said that would eat dog food if it was on a plate in front of them.

I'm a picky eater. I'm in my 40s and have been all my life. I had a very traumatic childhood and food was my only weapon and control.

I also have massive issues with textures and I'm sick of people commenting on what I eat. I'm a grown up and I don't need any commentary on what's on my plate.

I go out for meals and eat what I can. You focus on your plate and I will focus on mine is who I see things.

As well as food textures I also have some clothing issues and get overwhelmed if my sock isn't right.

Unless there’s a SEN-related reason, it’s quite childish to be overly picky IMHO.

I should say my idea of a picky eater is not someone who has a few things they dislike - it’s turning your nose up at trying new foods or not being able to politely eat something someone has made you.

I think it’s interesting - and unlikely to be a coincidence - that I know a few people from larger families and none of them are fussy eaters. The people I know who are particularly fussy seem to also have fussy parents so frankly I think it can be a learned behaviour not to at least be open to trying new things.

onemorepringle is it childish if adults only eat certain foods because of religious reasons too?
For example "I don't eat pork because I am Jewish" = ok
"I don't eat pork because the smell makes me gag and I hate the texture" = childish?

I'm afraid I now use the line that 'eating vegetables is a life-skill' as my very whiny, whingy, fussy 6 and 8 year olds have reduced the list of what they see as acceptable to only beige foods such as nuggets and chips.

As babies they were fantastic eaters and ate and tried the whole variety and selection. Now they don't want to put in any effort whatsoever, couldn't care less about my trying to educate and entice them with helping or trying new things and want easy to stab at food so they can crack on with playing.

Pasta, pizza, chips are the only things they request because it's easy. Fine for a Friday night meal but they need, IMO, to be willing to eat a Sunday roast with - shock horror to them- brocolli and carrots. Vegetables take longer to chew and they get bored. To me that is about behaviour and not about aversions or fear.

I should say my idea of a picky eater is not someone who has a few things they dislike - it’s turning your nose up at trying new foods or not being able to politely eat something someone has made you.

If I made you a dish containing vomit could you politely eat it? Even if I'd spent a long time preparing it? Even if I'd be offended if you didn't eat it?

To my taste buds, that's how inedible some of the foods that most people enjoy are. I also don't try new foods when in the company of others in case I have this reaction to them, because that would be far more awkward than declining. I do try new foods on my own at home.

A lot of picky eating (unrelated to SEN) is learned. That is the truth of it.

I'm fortunate with DS that although he has ASD and is quite a sensory child, he is fairly normal range to feed (blessings of a hearty appetite!). Some things like mushrooms are very long standing revulsions against texture (he's fine with the taste blitzed down into a mushroom sauce or soup) More annoying is when he develops a temporary fad and goes off something he liked. Often he'll get bored, not want it, over time translate that into dislike it and then eventually be coaxed into trying it again and remember that he really likes it. I'm very relieved at the rediscovery of toast and potatoes because that was a very annoying phase. His list of dislikes is not that long, it's more about combinations that overwhelm him because there is too much to mentally sort through on his plate or clashing textures. Our bigger issue when eating out is background noise and anticipation- predictable chains have much less stress. He can find something he likes in most cuisines which helps, and Chinese/ Indian tend to be good "safe" venues when in unfamiliar places as menus are quite predictable.

I get it. I'm generally pretty easy to please, but soggy weetabix is beyond my gag reflex. I do have to be grown-up over vegetables and can now tolerate certain greens if I put potato on the fork too to help with texture. When I was pregnant, I became very adverse to many foods for a few months losing weight while gaining bump and could only eat highly processed things like KFC or pot noodles. If I didn't have a compulsion to eat it, the dry gagging took over. The meat aversion lasted until 6-7 months. Thank goodness it was temporary.

It is frustating when adults use their "fads"/ preferences to always take control of eating out and never allow others to have a preference of venue. I have had group holidays where the more relaxed half of the group never got a first choice and had to compromise around the person who didn't like Italian, and the vegetarian who didn't like goats cheese or mushrooms and the person who wouldn't eat spicy food.
The most restrictive, beige eater I know is happy if she can have chips, pasta or cheese and can get something sufficiently bland and carby in most places and doesn't veto around it. No stress. The people that always pull the veto and mean you're paying ££ for something uninspiring that you could have cooked better at home are very irritating. It creates an imbalance in the relationship, particularly as food tends to be a major feature of socialising.

I refuse to cook for a set of relatives because I will not waste my time and good food, ruining it to the stage where it's bland and overcooked enough for their preferences. I suspect one does have ASD given diagnoses emerging in the family, the other I think was just raised on food that was boiled to death and is very unadventurous.

I am on a course, there is a girl who is seventeen on the course and Everytime I open my lunch box , she screams "ew, yuck, that's disgusting!"
This can be a bout pasta, eggs , a wrap. Everything I eat. She only eats white bread with ham for lunch every day and refused to try anything else. I told her if she was my child she would be doing hungry. It annoys me that she won't ever even try something.

Obviously it’s not childish for religious reasons but you must realise that isn’t what anyone is talking about here!

Not all "picky eating" is sensory issues!

DS happily eats a wide range of foods, including vegetables, fruits, various meat & fish, starches. He especially prefers biscuits, peanut butter, fruit, yoghurt, and anything that could meaningfully be described as a snack or a pudding

He is 3, and he likes to test boundaries in many areas of life and see what he can get away with, like all toddlers. From time to time he will refuse to eat anything at lunch apart from peanut butter sandwiches (his favourite).

It's not a sensory issue. He likes ham.

This is where some "picky eating" can be a bit naughty... the toddler who just wants to see if they can wangle cake for every meal!

See, telling someone that the food they're eating is disgusting is a really rude thing to do, and probably very annoying. Eating a ham sandwich every day but not commenting on other people's food wouldn't be doing any harm. Why would you (general) be bothered that much by what someone else chooses to eat?

This is such a difficult discussion because I've only ever come out of these topics on mn feeling battered. I have one extremely fussy child (eldest) as a toddler he ate everything under the sun, all veg, all dinners, no problems at all. At the age of 5 everything changed and he'd only eat plain foods. I tried to go on as normal but he wouldn't go near anything. Tried but couldn't sneak in veg etc into sauces, he wasn't eating anything with sauces. He stopped eating salads which he used to adore. I started with positive reinforcement, tried bribes, learning by example everything. He'd get under the table and cry.

I was that kid when I was younger and in my 20s started eating everything and anything to make up for always being made feel like shit:(Do you think you'll like anything here? What can we cook for you?) when I wasn't half as fussy as him so I was trying to prevent him ever having to feel like I did.

Dinners took forever and end up in us refusing to let him leave until he'd eaten something. He wouldn't give in.

All of the people we knew would say 'I'd never/my mum would never allow that, just don't give him anything else.' We tried that and he'd just not eat for days. This continued- we have:
Battled
Done the just leave it on the plate he'll eat it
Bribed
Tried and make it interesting
Have him help cook
probably 5 days a week for 7 years and now he's 12 and he's still only eating the smallest amount of dinners.

At christmas etc a big deal is made by other family members as to what he'll eat and he's so embarrassed, but the funny thing is he's the best eater in terms of sandwiches, fruit and breakfasts, cheese, yoghurts etc and is never ever sick (he has three brothers, one won't eat breakfast, another we have to make eat fruit). I think you can't win because people always think there's something you've done wrong or that you've caused it somehow. People who say every case of fussy eater is because someone gave up on their child have never seen us at battle time (aka dinner time)

i strongly relate to the poster talking about undercooked onions and peppers! they need to be crispy!, I don't entirely pander, my ASDer is PDA so everything needs an element of control and every evening meal is met with "i dont like it" because he is hard wired a need to control, even if he does! I will say come here and pick out bits youll have, so he once had a naan bread drizzled with curry sauce. we all had the rest. he was quite happy, no extra meal made. although Chinese is a big no no, everytime me or my DM have attempted Chinese food with them they actually get quite upset, its wierd as neither me or DH have an aversion to it .

Picky eating is a first world problem tbh
This. It’s a luxury to be able to reject food. If you’re hungry enough you’ll eat anything. I see it as very wasteful and self indulgent to reject food (unless you have a genuine medical problem that prevents you eating it). We see it as “naughty” because it embodies those negative qualities. I don’t permit my child to be wasteful.

This. It’s a luxury to be able to reject food. If you’re hungry enough you’ll eat anything.

Tell that to someone with autism.

Picky kids are not naughty. And shouldn't be punished no. But... They should be introduced to different foods. Cooked in different ways. They might night like plain cheese but would enjoy grilled cheese. They might not like mashed patatoe but do eat roasted patatoe. This list is endless. So you shouldn't just accept a picky child. You should help them broaden their horizon. Otherwise they will end up a picky adult. And there is nothing more childish then a picky adult that claims they don't like anything...

Also op. Taste varies over time so you might not have enjoyed certain things at a certain age but might have outgrown it by now. There is not 1 way of eating yoghurt. And there is 27 ways to eating any kind of fruit. So give it a go. And try