to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

@SonjaMorgan . I make my family a meal and they either eat it or go without. and if you had a child like mine then they'd often end up going without and becoming very malnourished. As others above me have said there is a total lack of understanding from some people about this and often an unwillingness to even bother to try to understand.

I don't understand by children must like and eat everything when adults are allowed to have preferences and say they don't like something. I know someone in their 30s who cannot stand the taste of goats cheese - no one makes her eat it.

I believe in encouraging flexibility and encouraging small children to keep trying different things as their palates change as they grow because you never know when you suddenly might like something.

I hated olives and avocados until I was in my mid-twenties - kept trying them on and off and then suddenly at about 26 I found I not only could eat them without gagging I really love them and now they are one of my favourite foods.

As a child I hated the texture of cooked vegetables but was happy to eat all the same veg raw - as an adult I can make myself eat the veg cooked for politeness or to simplify a family meal but I don't enjoy them anywhere close to eating them raw.

If I lived on my own and was only cooking for myself I would rarely ever eat cooked veg - but would have plates of raw all the time.

It’s also not really sustainable in adult life for people to exclude whole classes of food because they don’t like the texture, for example. Tastes change and if you don’t try you’ll never know.

I’ve managed to sustain a dislike of all fruit except for apples for 41 years! It’s definitely a texture issue, but it hasn’t done me any harm as I like most vegetables.

To those commenting that all picky eaters like chocolate; I remember reading that amniotic fluid apparently tastes sweet, so we’re basically born with a “sweet tooth”, as is breast milk (never tasted formula, but I’m guessing it’s sweeter than cow’s milk). It makes sense we’re conditioned to like sweet things from our earliest experiences of taste. Most vegetables are bitter in comparison so we have to learn to love them.

I do agree for the most part. Thinking of two women I know who were notoriously picky as teenagers, if was undoubtedly a cover for an eating disorder. We'd frequently go out for family meals and nobody would expect them to eat as they were 'picky'. Both eat a varied and healthy diet now.

I believe if a child tries something and doesn’t like it then that’s fine. I do think they should try everything though

@Sewingbea to be honest I am surprised lots of these fussy eaters aren't malnourished. Unless there is a medical reason for your child not eating a wide variety of foods then it's not great is it?

The thing is none of us know how anyone's taste buds and brains work.

If I say something is revolting, they don't really know how is tastes/ feels to me.

It's like clothes, I can't stand being uncomfortable. Like itchy or whatever. Other people don't seem to mind.

We can't know how other people experience things and how bad they are.

There is a balance between indulgence and empathy.

I'm not saying children should have a free pass to eat or refuse anything. What I am saying is that there are a lot of people who are very quick to judge a child's eating without taking the time to think that there might be a more serious concern. We've lived with DD's eating difficulties since she was six months old and spat every item of food out. Every holiday and day out and visit to friends has to include a consideration of what she is ABLE (not wants) to eat. Because if there isn't one of her safe foods there then she'll just go hungry to the point that she begins to shake. I am very very thankful for our fabulous NHS dietician who has supported us over the years and written emails to teachers and guide leaders taking DD on trips and residential so that they understand too and don't write DD off as naughty or picky. Because she is a clever and sociable girl it's not obvious that she has a diagnosis so people make assumptions. And some of them should know better.

I think a lot of people are fussier than they realise and even more have fussy children but dont know because they dont realise how they have slowly adapted their cooking around their tastes. I know very few people that just eat anything by choice. Some will be polite if served it but would never cook it.

@SonjaMorgan my DD isn't malnourished because her fabulous dietician prescribed Fortini for her from when she was two and she now has a powdered supplement that mixes with milk. She's fit (swims and runs) and healthy and energetic because of the care the professionals have provided. And because I wouldn't be fobbed off and insisted on a dietician consultation because I knew there was a problem that wasn't behavioural.

Grasspigeons literally the only thing I don’t like is marzipan!
I see your point though. I will sometimes say ‘ah DD1 eats everything’, but actually she eats everything we cook. And we cook things we know they like.
DD2 just drives me insane with bloody vegetables!

SonjaMorgan I am glad you aren't my family. Do you force family members to do other things they are scared of. If you have a family member terrified of snakes would you make them go to a reptile place and make them handle snakes ?

For people saying my children have to eat what I make or go without. Do you try to make meals you know everyone likes? Or make it possible for certain family members to eat the majority but avoid a side dish?

My daughter doesn't like grilled peppers for example so if we are having a BBQ and my husband wants grilled peppers as one of the vegetables I either keep some raw peppers aside for her, or she just doesn't have that vegetable - she adores grilled corgettes so will go for a double portion of those instead.

My MIL thinks that makes her a picky eater. But why should DD force herself to eat grilled peppers when she's happy with the pork chop, grilled corgettes, baked sweet potato, roasted cauliflour and green beans on her plate. I don't think it's pandering to her to also occasionally offer her the peppers raw as an alternative.

Having food preferences doesn't make you a picky eater in my opinion.

All my life I apologised for being 'picky' or 'fussy', but only lately have I realised that it's just that there are things I don't like or want to eat. And what's wrong with that?

@chickedeee In all honesty DS is not at all picky. He has foods he does not like which is ok by me. Maybe I’m lucky but we’ve always eaten well and I’ve never cooked a separate meal for DS. Even as a warning baby we just held off on the salt and crazy levels of spice. He ate or he didn’t. There is no power play with food.

I completely disagree with OP. Very picky eaters need to go dealt with, the issue assessed as young as possible. Being a fussy eater is not ok.

I still am a picky eater but was much worse as a child. If it was food I didn't like or nothing I chose nothing and then my parents worried about how skinny I was and how little I would eat so just forcing me to eat didn't really work. I did (and still do but perhaps not quite as much) adore chocolate though! It wasn't only healthy things, it took me years to actually like chips.

@cabingirl I have the same approach as you. I ask DS to try them again but that’s it. He has learnt to like Halloumi that way, it was on my plate and I asked him if he’d like to try a bit. About a year later I did the same and lost my Halloumi. That’s fine. I don’t put it on his plate if I know he doesn’t like it.

@SonjaMorgan

I don't see it as naughty but it is annoying. Adults who are picky come across as childish and spoilt to me.

I'm sorry my autism makes me childish and spoilt.

As I've got older, I've realised that I have sensory issues around eating. As a kid, I was made to feel stupid or awkward for not being able to eat many things. I've been laughed at and questioned about it all my life, even though I do my best to keep it concealed, and it has left me with many issues. How bloody dare people criticise or belittle others' eating. Kids & adults should not be singled out or made to feel bad.

@bookmum08 if your children are scared of certain foods then maybe you should consider therapy. My DC are not scared of any food. Neither like mushrooms. That's fine, they don't have to eat them. I don't make separate meals though.

But also why is food the only thing people are not allowed to have preferences about without it being seen as fussy?

People have different tastes in clothes, cars, hobbies, interior design, attractiveness, tv shows, colours, music.

We quite often like something other people find horrible or weird. We quite often hate something our bestfriends love.

Why is food any different?

@sonjamorgan but do you make family meals where mushrooms are the main course, or a mushroom sauce that covers everything. Or do you make sure they have enough to eat without having to starve or force the mushrooms down?

My DD isn't scared of the foods she doesn't like - she simply doesn't like the taste.

Sometimes it isn't that the child is fussy but that the parent is a crap cook.

No one ever thinks about it like that, do they?!

There are some foods I can't eat. The smell and texture make it feel poisonous. As a child I was forced to eat them, and it made me feel out of control and tearful.
Now I have 3 kids. The first is fussy. The other 2 eat everything. It amazes me and I wish I could enjoy food like that.
I can't eat sweet and sour, celery or other peppery foods, marshmallows, smoked salmon or mushrooms.