to wonder why do we treat picky eaters like their 'naughty'?

[calpolatdawn]

Ive always disagreed with this,making particular eaters as children feel awful and 'the parents made them. that way' maybe because theres ASD in my family we don't have a choice of 'shoving anything infront of them' and making them eat it. Even non ASD people have sensory issues regarding food, its usually smell, texture, taste, is it 'soggy' food or 'lumpy'. As a child i was picky, my mum didn't cook 5 meals she just didn't make things she knew i wouldn't like. and put serving dishes on the table so i picked up what i would eat and left what i wouldn't, there was never ever power fights, when i got older if i was being arsy i was told to make something myself then. And i would. No battles. As an Adult i am still particular more so with fruit than veg, i only eat 2 types of fruit and will to this day not eat lumpy yoghurts. Im not being 'whiny' or difficult, its not easy going through life with aversion to foods and going to a buffet and sighing that you could only eat 3 things. I don't think anyone would choose to be like that. I have 1 child who is like me, and one who isnt and is much more flexible. Is it just me who feels making children feel naughty for being picky eaters is wrong?

@mrskoala they are in seperate bowls on the plate. At school they take her to the quiet room to ear as she can't manage anything in the school hall and for the first few months kept getting told off for trying to control what the other children are.

She seems more tolerant of other people and food at home, possibly because she is more relaxed at home in the first place but it's hard work.

Like they're naughty.

its not easy going through life with aversion to foods

Sorry not RTFT but I wanted to just agree with this comment. I, like you, cannot eat anything lumpy or anything that has gone soggy. I seperate everything on my plate so the food doesn't touch (when we go to a carvery I have to buy the huge plate and ask for the normal amount of meat so I have room on my plate to keep safe distances between wet and dry items)
I even have a hated of seeing other people eating food I can't stand, I feel physically sick if i see people eating sweetcorn mixed into tuna mayo.

It's not easy and shouldn't be punished. Fussiness is not always just being picky, I wish I wasn't like this, I have tried so hard to overcome it, but until I can afford some form of professional treatment I am stuck this way.

YANBU

In reality, I know few fussy eaters. I imagine they don’t do well socially. Obviously, if you’ve people coming for a kitchen supper you don’t cook something they don’t like; you want people to enjoy the meal.
If they are fussy and don’t eat much except beige food, they’re not likely to be invited again. Nobody wants to watch adults pushing things around a plate all evening or picking bits out of the meal.

It might be sensory issues but I’ve met a whole lot of children with SEN who had extensive food requirements at home but who ate most things in school lunches and suppers, when there was no pressure around meals except to sit and behave reasonably.
I’ve known young adults say they can’t drink anything but real Coca-cola when offered Pepsi. That’s nothing but spoilt fussiness.
I’ve had other mothers tell me their children only eat nuggets but then watched them finish a plate of homemade sweet and sour chicken and ask for seconds.
Undoubtedly, there are some children who feel enormous pressure to eat who control this by rejecting foods.
There are a lot who reject specific foods a couple of times and are assumed not to like something, so it isn’t served anymore.
Far too much emphasis on food, in general. Usually, if children have good role modelling, good food, prepared and offered as part of a family meal, without pressure to eat and an emphasis on behaviour not on finishing foods then most will settle into eating a good range of foods.

cherrypavola I totally agree with you.

I was a fussy child, my Mum fed us mainly waffles, dippers, nuggets etc. A roast on Sunday. If she made a spaghetti Bolognese my portion had no veg in as I "didn't like it" I also had white bread sandwiches, chocolate and crisps in my lunch box and breakfast cereal every morning. I was told I didn't like eggs and tomatoes just like her.

As an adult I saw what my uni friends ate and started expanding my diet. I didn't like some foods initially but I persisted knowing that fruit, veg, wholemeal was the way forward. I now eat pretty much everything except very spicy foods and a couple of things that bring me out in hives. My mum thinks I have a weird diet because i eat hummus, couscous, salmon, avocado etc. It's actually that she is a fussy eater and made me one but when I overhauled things it turns out I'm not fussy after all.

Some children have genuine sensitivities to food but lots have either psychological issues with food or have poor eating practices around them. Parents that say "he only wants Cheerios, nuggets, crisps, chips and white bread toast" well why the hell was he fed all that in the first place?

As an adult I saw what my uni friends ate and started expanding my diet. I didn't like some foods initially but I persisted knowing that fruit, veg, wholemeal was the way forward.

Thank goodness I managed to realise what a good diet was without watching my uni friends, otherwise I'd have thought having a Pot Noodle for breakfast and vodka for dinner was 'the way forward'.

Parents that say "he only wants Cheerios, nuggets, crisps, chips and white bread toast" well why the hell was he fed all that in the first place?

Yet another poster confusing their own lazy parents feeding junk to genuine fussy eaters, who may be particular to certain foods that is necessarily just sugary, carby crap. Sorry your mother was so awful to take the veg chunks out of your bolongese. Obviously by doing so, the meal instantly just became a load of crap with no health value what so ever.

Obviously by doing so, the meal instantly just became a load of crap with no health value what so ever.

Exactly my point. All the good stuff was taken out rather than encouraging me to eat it. Served with white pasta not wholemeal as well.

Oh and my house mates and i used to cook together each night and sat at the table to eat. No pot noodles, although there was the odd bit of vodka.

Sometimes it is lazy parenting, sometimes it's a genuine issue. How many children do you know that eat oven ready foods on the sofa in front of the TV rather than round a table? Do we not think that plays a part on developing eating skills?

We always had white bread and pasta. Breakfast was cereal or toast. Sandwiches, crisps, chocolate bar/biscuit and an apple was a usual lunchbox for everyone I knew.
We often ate in front of the tv (not that my mum will admit it now). As adults my brothers and I all eat almost anything. My older brother, who was the fussiest of us as a child is probably the most adventurous eater as an adult. Not sure what the link is between white rather than wholemeal and standard 80s/90s lunches is and fussy eaters

I weaned both my DC the same. One eats almost anything (there are literally 2 or 3 things he won't eat). The other is 'fussy' with no diagnosed SEN. He was assessed for ASD and SPD and is apparently 'borderline' for both . So again, no link between parenting and eating.

And yes I know some parents don't even try and get their DC to eat a variety of food. But the vast majority of us do. So its fucking annoying when perfect parents other people assume it's our fault!

All the good stuff was taken out rather than encouraging me to eat it. Served with white pasta not wholemeal as well

What exactly was in your mother's home cooking that made it so unhealthy when you removed some veg? As for white pasta, I mean if its good enough for the country that invented the stuff I'm sure it's not that evil.

Oh and my house mates and i used to cook together each night and sat at the table to eat.

Ah, well my housemates and I didnt live like an old married couple, so I guess thats the difference.

How many children do you know that eat oven ready foods on the sofa in front of the TV rather than round a table?

Well I'm not in their houses every night, but not many. The mum group I'm part of often talks about what home cooking they're doing. Shocking, many in my local group are properly 'low class' as well, many are on UC and still manage to make a 'kitchen supper' (as opposed to making it.... in the bath? Guess anything is better than cooking in an oven, the horror).

PorpentiaScamander, yes! mine will not entertain Chinese food. I once made my kids sweet and sour, (no veg bits in as my DS1 has ASD) and they looked at it and cried (many years ago) i didn't force feed them, i took out the chicken and made wraps they had that instead, but yeah ever since theyve had a real it makes me feel guilty.

One of the kids in our house can be fussy. It does annoy me though because it's not that he doesn't like these things. He just will not try anything.

I know certain things he genuinely doesn't like and I don't cook them, that's fine. But if there is anything new on his plate he will throw such a tantrum and unfortunately for him I refuse to just eat pasta and tomato sauce for the rest of my life so yes he's made to try things (and usually ends up liking it too).

I'd cry if you made me sweet and sour too . (I joke before get accused of being a brat). Its one of the only foods I don't really like, although I would eat it if someone made it for me. He ate Chinese at the time, we just couldn't call it Chinese

WTF is a 'kitchen supper'? And where can I cook if ovens aren't allowed? I mean my slow cooker is amazing but I couldn't cook everything in it for ever!

How many children do you know that eat oven ready foods on the sofa in front of the TV rather than round a table?

Not everyone has space for a table so it's the sofa or the floor.

All the good stuff was taken out rather than encouraging me to eat it. Served with white pasta not wholemeal as well

You'll have still had mince in it so protein, and the tomato sauce? Tomatoes have vitamins in them. It will have still had calories, carbohydrates, vitamin a, vitamin c, some iron, etc. Taking out some of the mor obvious pieces veg won't have totally negated any value in the food.

Also, wholemeal pasta is grainy and chewy. Plus children shouldn't have too much fibre in their diets so wholemeal products should be restricted, particularly for the under 5s.

If it's just mince, passata and white pasta that isn't great. Not awful but not great.we ate supposed to eat 7 lots of fruit and veg per day (5 a day was released so people didn't view it as unobtainable). How many people actually eat 7 lots of fruit and veg? Crap food has become the norm and is fed into children from a young age. Cereals are considered normal or even healthy lunches and dinners with no vegetables or a spoonful of peas or 2 brocolli florets shoved on the side as a token gesture, the we are surprised that children don't tolerate a range of tastes and textures.

I can assure you my university experience was Wonderful. I left over 16 years ago and still have pangs for those days even though we lived in a cramped cold house and I didn't eat pot noodles.

maybe i should try calling it oriental food , i do feel quite guilty ive probably started an aversion to chinese food, if we are ordering Chinese i will offer i think the youngest will try bits but not the oldest.

Served with white pasta not wholemeal as well.

Hope you logged it with 101.

Not everyone has space for a table so it's the sofa or the floor.

Then where is home work done as well?

If it's just mince, passata and white pasta that isn't great. Not awful but notgreat

The horror. I hope you've had therapy in the years that have passed.

lunches and dinners with no vegetables or a spoonful of peas or 2 brocolli florets shoved on the side as a token gesture, the we are surprised that children don't tolerate a range of tastes and textures.

Uh not true. I always give my kids a full seasonal salad with their dinner of a family bag of Haribo. Not my fault they're usually too full from a lunch of reheated Dominos pizza to eat it.

I left over 16 years ago and still have pangs for those days even though we lived in a cramped cold house and I didn't eat pot noodles.

Living in a cold, cramped house AND didn't have Pot Noodle. I hope things got better for you xx

Then where is home work done as well?

Homework? Don't be silly. Our children are to vitamin deprived to do that. They need their energy to eat a packet of Monster Munch, whilst simultaneously watching 10 hours of TV and playing on a separate screen!

Hahahaha sorry the idea that you absolutely need a dining room table to do homework...

This thread has been very enjoyable and I almost filled up my "MN discusses children's diets" bingo card.

My middle child is what some of you would term a 'picky eater' and I am very glad we went with the advice of professionals and not the lunacy encouraged by the "make them eat it or staaaaaaaaarve" brigade.

I think it must be really hard if you genuinely can’t eat lots of foods. I am not generally a fussy eater but I can’t stand barbecue sauce - even the smell makes me want to throw up. I once spent a plane journey with my scarf over my mouth and nose because they served barbecue chicken and I couldn’t stand the smell. A previous poster mentioned a rule about trying three mouthfuls - if someone made me try three mouthfuls of barbecue sauce it would be abusive and horrible.

I can’t imagine having to go through life having that reaction to multiple foods. It must be awful.

A lot of this thread is about manners, not whether other people should be allowed to dislike food you like.

What my parents got right was simply not making a fuss - and encouraging me to enjoy trying new foods because they did. My mum used to give me bits of raw veg while she was cooking which taught me to enjoy and snack on vegetables.

With kids I think some rules are far more important - don’t take too much food / leave enough for other people, don’t say rude things if someone has cooked for you. If they don’t like something, oh well, it doesn’t matter so long as they can behave politely.

Then where is home work done as well?

Floor, sofa, or bed.

We have a dining room as well as a dining table but I'm still aware that not everyone has this and that many people don't have a table due to space.

And even with a dining table only one of my DC chooses to sit there to do their work, the others sprawl out on either their beds or the floor.