Everyone forgot Mother's Day

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

I'm in Canada and today is Mother's Day. It's nearly 11:00 and neither my husband or my kids have even acknowledged it.

My husband just came upstairs and caught me crying and wanted to know what was wrong. When I said "it's Mother's Day and none of you have done anything." he got really defensive and said he reminded the kids earlier this week and it's not his fault they didn't do anything. He even said that I can't expect him to remember Mother's Day because it's the wrong date in Canada (he's English) and he blamed the kids. We've been here for 10 years so he should know by now. Also, the kids are 12 and 8 - hardly old enough to be expected to do everything themselves.

AIBU to be completely pissed off with my husband? He thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't care about presents or anything like that, but an acknowledgement and a hug from the kids would have been nice.

YANBU. Breakfast in bed would have been nice and not cost anything more and a home made card. I think it's just nice to be acknowledged.

It's unreasonable to wait until 11pm to cry to him about it. If you just wanted a hug, I reckon you could have achieved that.

Sorry, I think a 12 year old is old enough to remember and be able to sort something out. It's heavily advertised and is sometimes mentioned at school.

I'm sorry you are upset and hurt that your husband didn't remember, don't martyr yourself on Father's day.

Your kids are plenty old enough to a) give a shit and b) do something for you.

YANBU at all, he should still be in charge of sorting something with the kids.

I just wanted an acknowledgment. That's all. It's one day a year he has to remember. I sort out everything else - including cards and gifts for his family back in the UK.

And I didn't "go crying to him". He was in the garage and I was upstairs having a quiet cry. He walked in and saw.

I used to travel to Canada with work, and really panicked on one trip when there was mothers day stuff in the shops!

Sorry to hear that, OP

Don’t do a bloody thing for Father’s Day.

Of course your kids are old enough! 12 year old is old enough by a long shot.

YANBU, that sucks OP. It is horrible to feel forgotten and underappreciated. I hope they make it up to you.

Yanbu. I have had lots of similar mother's days. Today I was very clear that I expected something . (My birthday came and went with nothing so I wasn't leaving it to chance!) My daughter made me a lovely card and with DH's help, got me some flowers. My sons - nothing. So a sort of win, but feels like a failure on my part too. Happy Mother's day Next time, tell him you expect more, even though you shouldn't have to!

YANBU.

Also, I'd be telling him that I'm no longer doing sorting out the cards and gifts for his family back home in the UK, that it was on him now, and letting them know that too.

If he can't even be arsed sorting a card for you for Mother's Day - sod him.

YANBu to be upset if that's how you feel
My DH always gets me flowers and nice chocolates and perfume from the DC
But the lipstick my DD got me last year from her Saturday job money meant so much more

And I never ever sort out presents for his family
Why would anyone do that?

It’s still early enough.
Gather the kids and say ‘it’s Mother’s Day today! How about you make me some tea, draw me a nice card, we bake a cake together and you can do some chores while I put my feet up for once’
Then have a lovely day.

Thanks everyone. You're right though, my 12 year old is definitely old enough to have done something.

I'm going to go for a drive, get myself a giant Starbucks and go sit in a park somewhere with my book. Sod the lot of them.

No more carrying the wifework load re presents for his family.

He clearly needs much, much more practice at remembering dates.

Tell him that as you hand over the calendars.

YANBU, I’d be upset too - especially as your DH was so defensive about it.

Is it weird that I sort out presents for his family, @user1487194234? They're my family too - brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I sort out cards and gifts for their birthdays and organize Christmas gifts each year. Should I not be doing that?

Although thinking about it, maybe they weren't raised to be thoughtful - none of them ever remember my birthday or the kids' birthday. Hmm...maybe I've married into a families of jerks?

I can see why you're upset but to cry shows how much your emotions are at the mercy of others and that is very unhealthy.

I can be like this sometimes but I have got a lot better, it takes work but I think your key takeaway should be to be in control of your emotions and not get upset by things you can't control. I would say without any negative emotion at the breakfast table

"Kids did you forget it was Mother's Day? I was waiting for you to come to my room this morning"

wait for response

"When you didn't do anything for Mother's Day it made me feel really (unappreciated/sad), this is an important day for me and I want to understand why it wasn't important for you to celebrate with me"

@FizzyGreenWater I've threatened to hand it all over to him before. But when he missed our niece's birthday, I started taking care of it again. Why should they miss out because he's a wanker?

@suspiciouscowboy in most cases, I am perfectly capable of managing my emotions, but years of doing everything and receiving very little in return is upsetting.

I think it is nice to be acknowledged. I think you should give him some slack though. Sounds like he reminded them earlier in the week and at 12 and 8 kids are normally well into the making cards, picking flowers etc, esp if it has publicity in your country. I've never really understood why people think its their partners who should do something for mothers day.
YABU to cry unless you feel you are never lov
ed and appreciated, not just because it's some artificial celebratory day.

This is why I love MN - half the responses are comforting and make me feel better and the others give me the kick up the backside that I need to just move on with the day.

Your oldest should have done something to be honest. Your youngest should have been reminded more then once by your husband and your husband just sounds like he is a bit miserable.. Blaming all but himself. Childish really...

But do tell him. Maybe again. When you have settled a bit. As in: DH, it's mothersday today and would really love for some home made card or a nice big fat hug from the kids.' because he sounds like if you are slightly pointing your finger his way, he is just gonna bite at it.

So just tell him what you want. And next year tell him upfront what you would like.

Aaaaaand also :
He is an ass. Your kids are sloppy by not making an effort. BUT: You are their mum. And it is mother's day. And they are your kids. And you are loved. And you made them. All the good and the bad bits. Try to find that little spark of joy, good memories and just go to your kids. Talk to them. Tell them 'DC it is mother's day how about a big cuddle for mum??? I love you guys. '

If things didn't go as you want, then bend them your way. Make it happen. It might not be as you wanted it to be, but try to make the best of it.

Ps when Father's day comes around please repay the favor!! hahah no please don't but just do the bare minimum haha

It’s shitty OP. My parents live in a country with a different mothers & Father’s Day and I always make a point of noting the dates and acknowledging both.

I’m assuming your school stuff is as hectic as ours Op, in which case your DC wouldn’t have had the usual reminders in school & the shops, so your DH should have stepped up.