Everyone forgot Mother's Day

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

I'm in Canada and today is Mother's Day. It's nearly 11:00 and neither my husband or my kids have even acknowledged it.

My husband just came upstairs and caught me crying and wanted to know what was wrong. When I said "it's Mother's Day and none of you have done anything." he got really defensive and said he reminded the kids earlier this week and it's not his fault they didn't do anything. He even said that I can't expect him to remember Mother's Day because it's the wrong date in Canada (he's English) and he blamed the kids. We've been here for 10 years so he should know by now. Also, the kids are 12 and 8 - hardly old enough to be expected to do everything themselves.

AIBU to be completely pissed off with my husband? He thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't care about presents or anything like that, but an acknowledgement and a hug from the kids would have been nice.

What do your husband and children usually do for mother's day?

Do your husband and children normally make a effort?

All 3 of my Dds wished me a happy mother's day this morning. Mother's day here isn't until the 8th June...

Thanks for your response @Yeahnahmum. You have hit the nail on the head about "D"H - he is childish and defensive and always has been. That's a whole other conversation for a different thread though. 🤷‍♀️

It’s Mother’s Day where I am too and I’m not feeling very appreciated. My 5yo (eldest of 3) took it upon herself to make me something yesterday after seeing on the TV it was Mother’s Day, bless her. My husband has done nothing, apart from go and buy fresh bread this morning which he generally does at the WE. I really don’t expect a present - I would just like him to insist I take a day off doing the cooking and housework. As it is I’m wondering if he will take the initiative to empty the dishwasher and remove the 22 toys residing in the bathtub since last night.

I sympathise. We are also abroad where Mother's Day is today. I sent my mum a message, DS' therapist even sent me a message that I mentioned to DH, but he didn't make any comment or prepare anything with DS who is three. I think he would argue that as we're in lockdown there's nothing he can get or do. But I think a home made card from him and DS who is 3 would have been nice.

I'm resigned to thinking that even though DH used to really spoil me pre-toddler, we are actually going to be a family who doesn't give a crap about cards and gifts. DH's family are like this. To some extent I am too, I'm not too bothered about cards or gifts in general. But I would love something from DS, even though it's not really from him, because he's a difficult kid and I would love some acknowledgement that I am trying my best as a mum.

I am resigned to thinking

When it comes to things like this I would start out by making an effort for family and friends with regard to birthdays, anniversaries, special days etc. If after a year or two your efforts compared with theirs are way out of kilter (not necessarily financially but in terms of thoughtfulness) simply mirror their behaviour back to them. Clearly no one is valuing what you do so why carry on then complain when they repeatedly don't make an effort for you?

I'd do FA for Father's Day.

@Homemadearmy thinking about it, I guess they never really make an effort. I always get cards and gifts but they come home from school so the teachers get the credit for that. I don't think my husband has ever acknowledged Mother's Day on his own. Why have I never realized that until now?

Did he get his mum something?

Sorry, hadn't seen past the first few posts. Theres obviously a background of feeling un-appreciated here.
Actually my background is similar, my dh never does mothers day - he blames his mum for saying it was all artificial and not to make a fuss (of course she didn't mean that secretly!)
To be fair he doesn't want fathers day or much for his birthday either so that works out ok

i cant believe he blamed his kids

what a charmer

That's all a bit rubbish. When I was 8 I went down to the Post Office and bought my Mum a box of Maltesers. Have to admit, I did eat a few but she was happy nonetheless. I would also go and buy her a carnation in the greengrocer occasionally.

The moral of this story is..... don't make an effort for Father's Day. Also no more buying presents and cards for his family. Ditch the wifework and don't tell him or apologise!

I am sorry OP that must be hurtful.
Stay away from social media today or you'll feel even more shit.

YANBU btw and I would 'forget' Father's Day. Go out and treat yourself, buy something nice or go for a lovely walk, Nice meal etc. Preferably with a friend that can cheer you up a bit.

for you

Thank you everyone! I can't bring myself to ignore Father's Day regardless of how shit he may be. To me, it's one day a year where the focus shifts from the child to the parent and I think it's important to acknowledge it.

@Lordfrontpaw yes, his mom in the UK got flowers and a card today for Canadian Mother's Day but only because I put the order in last week.

@WillAshton what are you going on about? 11pm? OP is talking about 11am (in Canada)

Not everyone does all the family thinking no, so it's perfectly OK just to buy for your side.

Sorry if I was a bit short ,
Obviously if you want to take on the job of presents for his family that s your shout,O just can't imagine doing that

No need to apologize @2old4thissite. I posted in AIBU because I genuinely wanted to know whether or not I was being unreasonable. If I wanted everyone to just blindly agree with me, I would have posted somewhere else.

His excuse is he's English.

So...did he get you something three weeks before Easter? If not, his argument is invalid and he's doubly missed Mother's Day.

Even if your kids are, certainly imo, old enough to acknowledge MD, to make a card and to wish you a lovely day, I still think it's your DH's responsibility to find out with them and check!
Does he have a DM @AnnieOnAMapleLeaf - could you ask her to check with your kids about MD going forward (and hope that she says something to your DH the process)

As for e.g. your niece missing out if you don't get her anything - no she's not. That's your own projection into the situation. She's obviously being raised in an environment where you (Annie and family) aren't seen or treated as being people in their circle of friends or family with whom they exchange presents. Niece is getting extra gifts whilst your own DC are missing out on the money that could otherwise have been spent on them.

(Should again point out this is not about money - niece could be making a birthday card or fairy cakes or whatever if finances are tight).

You know what to do (or not do) when Fathers’ Day rolls round!

The date thing is funny. We have Mother's Day today too where I am (Germany). But I don't want to celebrate it today. It just doesn't feel right. I'd much prefer to celebrate on the UK day, but I've given up trying to get dh to remember it. (It is also much, much less of a 'thing' here). So I never really have a Mother's Day and it's fine for me. If your dh knows it's important to you, though, he should be making the effort.

I can't bring myself to ignore Father's Day regardless of how shit he may be.

What message do you think this sends to your DC? It's certainly not "the focus shifts from the child to the parent" but that Dads/Men deserve acknowledgement and praise but Mothers/Women don't. No wonder wifework and misogyny continue to thrive.