Everyone forgot Mother's Day

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

I'm in Canada and today is Mother's Day. It's nearly 11:00 and neither my husband or my kids have even acknowledged it.

My husband just came upstairs and caught me crying and wanted to know what was wrong. When I said "it's Mother's Day and none of you have done anything." he got really defensive and said he reminded the kids earlier this week and it's not his fault they didn't do anything. He even said that I can't expect him to remember Mother's Day because it's the wrong date in Canada (he's English) and he blamed the kids. We've been here for 10 years so he should know by now. Also, the kids are 12 and 8 - hardly old enough to be expected to do everything themselves.

AIBU to be completely pissed off with my husband? He thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't care about presents or anything like that, but an acknowledgement and a hug from the kids would have been nice.

I don’t think YABU at all to feel upset, not only about the day but about his attitude towards you generally. The kids could and should have done something, as should he. Maybe next time remind them yourself too and tell them what you would like.
I was about to say that you should take some steps back about how much you do in the house - why are you doing the dinners when you have been incredibly busy all day? Can you not say that you will do x and x day but he needs to do y and y day, so you share it, and so he knows. Then leave him to do those days (maybe have some secret snacks to tide yourself over in case he doesn’t). The kids could do dinner on the last day. I think a lot of women (myself included sometimes) martyr themselves by doing everything because no-one else does, then it becomes the norm and then you resent the others for not stepping up. My husband is really lovely and does a lot but is inclined to let me do a lot of the ‘wifework’ and I’m learning to be more assertive and not just do it all. Take time out for yourself, tell him what you will do and what he needs to do, don’t just automatically do it all.
But you have also said that this is indicative of your general relationship with your husband, and that you are feeling hopeful about a possible new life without him. That is a huge and positive thing and something to think about and plan, if you are truly unhappy in the relationship and would be better off on your own then now is a good time to look into the practicalities of how you might be able to do it. Good luck!

Crying doesn't achieve anything.

Crying can ease both physical and emotional pain, release toxins and relieve stress. Being a Twat on the other hand...

I hear you OP, mother's day in England I hot nothing, I bought flowers and chocolates for both my Mum and MIL whilst DH was with me, but I got nothing. He even took the card from the cupboard I'd bought for his mum and gave it to the kids to sign for me!! I cried too and my DD felt bad and ran me a bath while DS lit candles. I didn't want the earth. I do everything for everyone. Sending hugs xxx

I think your children at 8 and 12 are old enough to remember Mothers Day esp considering your OH reminded them. So YANBU to have a cry.

💗💗xx hope you will be happy soon, i went through a divorce and am remarried and i am so happy now xx

I went to Waitrose today - and the store was awash with discounted bunches of flowers. So were they expecting a rush of expat Mother’s Day shoppers at the weekend?

How odd. I was reading on the BBC website that the woman who started the whole (1905?) thing quickly decided to was getting commercialised and her family just didn’t celebrate it (as their own family tradition).

I hope your day got better and that the kids understood that although it’s one day (and their mum should never be taken for granted) it’s nice to mark the occasion - just as you do for their birthdays, Christmas, Easter, sports day, school play, assemblies... and numerous other ‘days’ that they expect you to pull out all the stops and make special for them.

As for your DH - well if he doesn’t ‘get’ it but still expects the house elf to send his mum a card, then he can expect nada to be done for him next birthday/Christmas etc.

I'm so sorry OP

My husband would be defensive. If he'd only apologised and tried to make amends. I'd be the same. All us mums do we are right to expect some appreciation.

Putting it bluntly: you're a martyr.

You make all the effort in the relationship, you enforce zero boundaries and then wonder why no one appreciates you?

A wise person once said: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You want the luxury of complaining without actually doing anything about it and so long as you get to maintain your imaginary high ground you will continue to sacrifice your dignity.

Only you can decide if being the perpetual good guy is more important to you than having a healthier and more balanced relationship with your family.

As for your kids: yes they're old enough but they still need guidance and reminders. I assume you're still on lockdown so it is entirely up to your DH to ensure something appropriate is put together. He didn't remember because it's not important to him. Just let that sink in.... and you really aren't going to repay the favour? That man needs a life lesson.

We all set our own standards in terms of what we accept from people. You need to raise the bar.

YANBU. My mother died many years ago and I still find myself tearing up on Mother’s Day. I would give anything to be able to celebrate with her,

@AnnieOnAMapleLeaf next year a month before start leaving post it notes all over the house daily as reminders & maybe regular wa messages?
As for sorting out DH family presents cards etc, isn't that the norm in most households?

Ach. Happy belated Mother's Day sweetie. 😚
You're doing a fantastic job xXx

Grab his phone put the date in on his calendar with a reminder.... the problem is when you do all the gifting and cards...others switch off ...I think you should tell your kids you were upset they forgot .... that way the learn young how much their actions or inactions can affect others they care about ... good luck

If he said he can’t remember the canadian date, then he would have got your something in march. Im assuming he didnt.

I sort out everything else - including cards and gifts for his family back in the UK.
Why the fuck are you doing all that?! Fuck no. Stop immediately.

Grow up . Every day you are alive is Mother’s Day .

Grow up . Every day you are alive is Mother’s Day

Wow what a wanky comment.

Mine was non eventful too, a quick note on a piece of paper. No effort is the problem. Not wanting money spent. They don't get it.
And kids old enough to know.

And I refuse to buy or do anything for his family, not appreciated so I don't do it. We have shown up to Christmas days with nothing, absolutely nothing. Nearly killed me but DH didn't give two hoots. Normally grandparents would get a nice photo calendar, photo book or pic of kids. Nothing.
I was brought up to take food to any invitation so that's what I do normally I would do everything for his family but he doesn't do anything for me. So I stopped and I ain't start again. New baby Neice and nephews but still nothing from me.
Haha glad I got that off my chest

Your children are old enough to remember MD, do not make excuses for them if it upsets you that much!

"Crying doesn't achieve anything" Impressive his in four words you've proven to be a heartless bitch

@WillAshton I think that the OP meant 11am looking at the time the post was written or am I incorrect?

Know how this feels - mirror image story here if you bear with me...ds#1 was 25 and was reminded it was Mother's Day - especially seeing as were all going on an expensive ski trip to the USA paid for by my dh/their df…. Mother's Day morning (UK date) arrives and he has realised that it is not Mother's Day in the US and so...no card WTF!!!! As if this is not bad enough he then decides to buy a very religious card for me (one you might send to someone who was going through a rough patch and needed some uplifting spiritual/ prayers....passes this off as a "funny" Mother's Day card...really pissed me off as he is an atheist and I was brought up RC (as was he until he rebelled aged 14)…...one of a long line of things that piss you off as a mum but you just got to suck them up and take the higher ground....I am sure I am not alone in only really appreciating my own mother once I had kids of my own...