Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Everyone forgot Mother's Day

196 replies

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/05/2020 15:56

I'm in Canada and today is Mother's Day. It's nearly 11:00 and neither my husband or my kids have even acknowledged it.

My husband just came upstairs and caught me crying and wanted to know what was wrong. When I said "it's Mother's Day and none of you have done anything." he got really defensive and said he reminded the kids earlier this week and it's not his fault they didn't do anything. He even said that I can't expect him to remember Mother's Day because it's the wrong date in Canada (he's English) and he blamed the kids. We've been here for 10 years so he should know by now. Also, the kids are 12 and 8 - hardly old enough to be expected to do everything themselves.

AIBU to be completely pissed off with my husband? He thinks I'm being ridiculous. I don't care about presents or anything like that, but an acknowledgement and a hug from the kids would have been nice.

OP posts:
Annamaria14 · 10/05/2020 17:11

Mother's day means absolutely nothing to me. Other than causing me stress at the last minute because I know that my mother will be angry at the last minute.

It is a bullshit made up holiday, that just adds stress to people

Annamaria14 · 10/05/2020 17:12

Mother's day just makes people panic.

It shouldn't be like that

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/05/2020 17:13

Well you've shown your kids what's normal in your house when it comes to presents. Mum does it all. You've raised them this way.

unlikelytobe · 10/05/2020 17:16

Can you just ask your DCs directly (kindly or not) why they did nothing for Mother's Day? Forgot, CBA, didn't have the imagination to do something...not everything has to be a card, could be a gesture. Call them out on it! Then move on...less wifework from now on.

And the day's not over!!

Lordfrontpaw · 10/05/2020 17:18

Give yourself the day off. No cooking, laundry, clearing up, fixing booboos, finding lost sports shoes, retrieving items stuck on the roof...

PickUpAPickUpAPenguin · 10/05/2020 17:18

You should stop doing the cards and gifts for his family. He should be managing that. You need to also make FD more low-key as he clearly doesn't care that much about events like that.

I have a 13yo who woke me up on MD with coffee and made me breakfast. He did the same last year. I bought the ingredients (like nice OJ) and enjoyed having breakfast made for me for a change.

Does the 12yo have a phone? Are they on SM? My teens would have clocked MD because their friends post a pic of their mum and some words about how great she is. In the UK there's lots of ads online about not forgetting MD

The 8yo obviously needed reminding

Original poster
AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/05/2020 17:18

For those asking, this behaviour from my husband is par for the course. I can't think of the last thing he said or did that made me feel appreciated. I guess that's the real issue, not Mother's Day.

OP posts:
tribpot · 10/05/2020 17:20

he decided when we moved here that we would acknowledge the Canadian Mother's Day for his mum
Can't believe you actually typed that, OP. Did you detect the irony as you did it? 'We' are acknowledging fuck all, Canadian or not. Also why, even if he was actually doing it himself, would he acknowledge the Canadian Mother's Day for a mother in the UK? Fair enough if her grandkids were making her a card to send or similar, but why the fuck not send the woman flowers on the UK's Mother's Day?

Incidentally if you did want to carry on sending her flowers, I would pointedly do it in March.

myangelalex · 10/05/2020 17:20

It's schools that encourage kids to make Mother's Day cards and presents. Husbands are pretty useless (except mine). Presumably no school in Canada too?

Yanbu ☹️

Lordfrontpaw · 10/05/2020 17:20

Aww that’s rubbish.

CrapAndInfirm · 10/05/2020 17:21

Is it weird that I sort out presents for his family, @user1487194234? They're my family too - brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I sort out cards and gifts for their birthdays and organize Christmas gifts each year. Should I not be doing that?

It's not weird when it works both ways. It often doesn't though, my brother for example would not know when his wife's family birthdays are it what they are interested in. He expects her to know mine and organise a card for me though. Xmas eve s never knows what his children have been bought by anyone because he opts out of all the planning and gift buying and sits and complains in xmas day about his sprouts not being cooked how he likes them (another area he left for the women to plan)

Plenty of men don't need prompting and are capable of planning and buying gifts for people they care about. Reading MN though there seems a lot men out there who can't be arsed.

Original poster
AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/05/2020 17:22

This is all down to schools being closed. If they had been open, his reminder would have been Friday night when the kids unpacked their backpacks.

OP posts:
Tjsmumma · 10/05/2020 17:23

I don't think its necessarily unreasonable but its just another day, we call it hallmark days in our family, days set up by a big chain to get money out of you to celebrate things that aren't really that necessary. They should love and care about your every day not just one special day ☺️

Maybe on fathers day go ober board and show him that you care and want kida to?

12 is pretty old enough to do take ownership of it though, especially if was reminded

Original poster
AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/05/2020 17:23

@tribpot yeah I know how insane it is. I feel like a total doormat. And I think that's what is genuinely upsetting me today - just feeling unappreciated and overlooked.

OP posts:
Annamaria14 · 10/05/2020 17:27

@AnnieOnAMapleLeaf I send you a hug. I am sorry that you are feeling over looked.

Remember - how your husband treats you is nothing to do with you, he will have picked up his own habits in his life. Some men find it difficult to be romantic.

Happy mother's day from me. ❤️❤️❤️

Iminthewrongstory · 10/05/2020 17:28

Just in terms of moving on, would there me an argument for saying, 'Look it's a mad time for everyone and for various reasons everyone - except me - forgot that it was Mother's Day. So can we instead declare XXX day as our new Mother's Day this year and celebrate that instead because it would mean a lot to me. ' That might give them a bit of chance to make it up to you, but also teach them the importance of remembering important days in the future,

AtTheFootOfTheHill · 10/05/2020 17:28

I'd be upset in your shoes.

You can do too much for a man, stop buying for his family!

If your H doesn't appreciate what you do it's because he has no recollection of it not being done for him. So from his pov, it doesn't occur to him to be grateful.

Honestly stop doing it all. Not to be petty or to make a point, but just stop doing it because he it isn't being valued. Step back.

NeneValley · 10/05/2020 17:28

Kids that young don’t remember Mothers Day off their own back.

Don’t be upset, it’s different this year because of Covid remember.

It’s usually school that prompts them to make cards, especially at junior school.

They’d also have missed all the promotions in the shops for Mother’s Day this year because they haven’t been in any shops, because of one person per household and no children restrictions (which we have in U.K. don’t know if Canada have the same).

Plus some men are rubbish at remembering stuff like this anyway. Mine usually gets the kids to buy a card, but even he forgot this year. What with Covid and money worries, I can’t blame him at all!

Nancydrawn · 10/05/2020 17:29

For those asking, this behaviour from my husband is par for the course. I can't think of the last thing he said or did that made me feel appreciated. I guess that's the real issue, not Mother's Day.

I'm glad you got to the core of it. I'm sorry he's shit and/or is being a shit.

Original poster
AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 10/05/2020 17:34

Thank you everyone for your posts and your support. They are exactly what I needed today and I truly do appreciate each and every one of you that took the time to respond.

OP posts:
kateemo · 10/05/2020 17:38

I stopped sorting out presents and cards for the in laws a few years ago. This year, for younger DD's 8th birthday, one of SILs finally called her on her birthday. Definitely not raised to be thoughtful, and DH can be like that too. I'm sorry you had a bad start to Mother's Day. Enjoy your Starbucks and your book. You deserve it ;)

Purpleartichoke · 10/05/2020 17:39

I had my cry yesterday when I realized my DH had forgotten Mother’s Day. He managed to pull something together, but only because I told him where I wanted breakfast ordered from and that reminded him.

From year 1, I’ve made it clear that for me, it isn’t about the present, it’s about knowing he made the effort to think about it.

Graphista · 10/05/2020 17:45

@Rubyroost Your posts are disgusting there's no need for that level of nastiness ever

What would his likely reaction be if you did exactly the same for Father's Day? I'm willing to bet he'd take the right hump! Or his birthday?

Definitely STOP doing for his family and all the nonsense of booking all his appointments!

He clearly doesn't appreciate it or you so stop putting yourself out this way.

Frankly I'd be sitting him down for a serious talk about his lack of appreciation and effort, it's unacceptable.

MockersxxxxxxxSocialDistancing · 10/05/2020 17:47

American Mothers Day was the product of one woman's bullying campaign against her local paper.

British "Mother's Day" s Mothering Sunday, all about going to your "Mother Church" where you were Baptised and/or confirmed. Nothing to do with your mum.

TheABC · 10/05/2020 17:47

Big hugs, OP.

Let today be the turning point.

I would bet, a penny to a pound that you manage the kids and do most of the chores in addition to wife work?

If so, that needs to stop, now.

There's nothing like being under-appreciated (or being treated like a home appliance!) to kill love.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.