To wonder how couples can never argue?

[Pikachupoops]

I have seen a few times on mumsnet, people saying that they have never argued with their other half. Maybe I'm being unreasonable but how is that even possible? How is that neither party gets upset about anything, etc? I have never know anyone that doesn't have a disagreement every now and then

We disagree on things sometimes of course but it’s never erupted in an argument.

We don't argue. We don't always agree with each other but we don't argue.

We don't have the same idea or agree with each other all the time, but we don't shout or raise our voices. It doesn't help put your point across and make you look like you've lost control.
We do tell each other what we want/like/think, and have enough respect to know when something is very important to the other.
If I'm determined to do something and he doesn't agree, I listen and then decide if I'll do it. I make my own mind up.
Niether of us thinks they are the one who gets the last word, he thinks I do and I think he does, so I believe we must be pretty equal.

Some couples never even so much as raise their voices at each other? Really? I just find it SO hard to believe!

I'm in a great relationship - we love and respect each other, committed and caring, agree on almost everything - but we're also human. Everyone snaps sometimes, it seems almost unhealthy to be completely calm and rational etc literally 100% of the time. I just can't understand it.

@Graphista, definitely.

I'd experienced the same as a child, so it felt 'normal' to me at the time, enough though I hated every moment of it.

To eventually find that if I'm not happy about something, I can simply go and sit down near DP when he's in the spare room/studio and he knows without my saying a word that I'm bothered about something, so stops what he's doing and turns round to talk about it - it's like coming out of a warzone.

Everyone snaps sometimes, it seems almost unhealthy to be completely calm and rational etc literally 100% of the time. I just can't understand it.

Correct, people do snap buy you don't need to be calm and rational 100% of the time and not argue by different people's interpretation

But then from some comments the fact the DH and I get irritated and frustrated at eachother means we do argue, but I wouldn't call it an argument.

It's very very clear from the comments on here everyone has a different idea of what an argument is.

I would say to me, what dh do is debate and converse, discuss whatever it is and sort it out, from what I've read, that to other posters would be an argument.

So in reality, this thread is fantastic because it shows how different people are and how they interpret things.

Together 30 years here. We disagree and grumble and argue occasionally, but shouting between us is extremely rare. I recall maybe 2 or 3 screaming and shouting fights ever, and not for maybe the last 10 years.

I am just not a very shouty person. I do a good sulk though so am by no means perfect. Dh is much more fiery but also less sulky and quicker to apologise.

My husband and I have fairly well paid professional jobs. Part of managing those jobs is learning to discuss problems and work out a mutually agreeable solution. I have never shouted or swore at anyone at work. I have 5 business partners and we get on well together and don't shout at each other. If there's a problem we just sit down and discuss it.
I couldn't live with someone who thought shouting at me was a normal part of a relationship.

There are still no examples about what couples are abusing about ... I’d genuinely love to know.

Do people really have full blown arguments over the washing up, whose turn it is to put the bins out etc?

The last thing we ‘disagreed’ about was attending our (lockdown) VE Street party - I went and DH didn’t, there was nothing to ‘argue’ about, I am perfectly capable of doing something on my own and he is perfectly capable of sitting on his own in the back garden .... there would be no point in me arguing that he ‘ought to be sociable and attend’ and equally no point in him arguing that I ‘should stay in with him’ .

*arguing not abusing ....

DH and I have been together for 23 years. We used to bicker when the DC were small and we were both sleep deprived and irrational. Since then (and before then), we honestly don't argue. DH really hates arguments and we're generally good at communicating calmly. If we disagree about something, we either find a compromise or agree to disagree. I realise that sounds smug, sorry.

Everyone seems to be defining an argument differently. I always thought it meant raised voices, aggression and saying hurtful things. My DF and DSM are always going on about how arguing 'clears the air' but they just constantly shout and swear at each other and throw things. No thanks, that's not for me.

We disagree and discuss, but have never shouted at each other or called each other names.

Same here. There'd be no going back for me after name calling.

You don't hurt the one you love.

Oh my word, we have had some humdingers in our 37 yrs. Mostly when we were younger but not all.

Who knows what they were about now? Probably something completely trivial and definitely not worth arguing about. I sort of vaguely remember having a row about an orange once We are obviously older and wiser these days and arguments, disagreements and bickering are so not worth the effort.

Everyone snaps sometimes, it seems almost unhealthy to be completely calm and rational etc literally 100% of the time. I just can't understand it.

I can think of plenty of times when I have snapped and ranted about god knows what. However, I was talking (or ranting) TO DH about it, not snapping AT him.

It's other people that irritate me, not DH. If we were getting on each other's nerves, not sure there would be much point of staying together. Life is too short.