To wonder how couples can never argue?

[Pikachupoops]

I have seen a few times on mumsnet, people saying that they have never argued with their other half. Maybe I'm being unreasonable but how is that even possible? How is that neither party gets upset about anything, etc? I have never know anyone that doesn't have a disagreement every now and then

yeah, I think a lot of posters are using "argue" to describe a thing I would call a "row" or a "fight".

.... in which case, "we never argue" could well mean that the couple is emotionally mature enough to deal with issues without screeching at each other.

Discussing the disagreement and resolving the situation is what I see as the aim in an argument - in which case, "we never argue" means either "we think the same on every issue" (theoretically possible, but unlikely) or "one of us is not having our viewpoint valued"

We don't argue because Mr Doubtfire point blank refuses to. It can be annoying but I'm used to it now. There's no point getting annoyed if I don't have an outlet for the frustration.

DH and I have been together 28 years and never once have we raised our voices to each other or thrown a single insult.

We don’t argue, married over 32 years, it doesn’t mean we are blissfully happy all the time , I don’t honestly think either of us can be bothered to argue.

What sort of thing do people argue about? I know the way I load the dishwasher annoys my DH, but I’m not going to argue that I am ‘right’, he can do it if he feels strongly enough about it.

We live quite independent lives so there’s no bickering about doing things together ... we each do our own thing.

We never argue either. Even if we disagree, we talk about it in a non-combative way and genuinely hear each other's pov.

Much more harmonious that way.

Me and DH been together since teens, we are both quite hot headed so did argue. As we've got older we (me in particular) have learnt to have disagreements in a more mature manner without shouting. I don't take criticism very well so can get quite defensive which accounts for a large proportion of our disagreements I.e DH - I don't like 'x' me - so offended what do you mean you don't like x. Can't actually remember the last time we disagreed over something meaningful.

I once had a boyfriend (for a couple of years) and we never argued because he always let me win. It drove me utterly bonkers because I had no idea whether he cared about me disagreeing with him or not. It was the main reason I split up with him.

DH and I met after being divorced from very argumentative, fiery partners in our previous marriages. We are much happier with each other than being exhausted by lots of drama caused by tiny disagreements that don’t matter. Arguments don’t happen between us because we are both so laid back!

Me & DP argue very rarely. I can't recall the last time. I'm more argumentative than he is - he's more a 'count to 10 before you speak' person, and he's very laid back. & If he thinks having an argument over something isn't worth possible bad feeling and fallout then he simply won't argue. He does explain why tho. Aside from that yes we disagree on stuff sometimes I think that's normal, but we're able to agree to disagree when necessary as we're not types that think we have to 'win' at all costs. Works for us. I was with an ignorant Mr Shouty for years some time ago. The arguments were exhausting. I'd never want or accept that life again.

I once lived with a couple who never argued and I found the dynamic very strange. They tiptoed around each other and tried to appease too much, it wasn't natural and felt very awkward and strange to me. The main thing I noticed is that there was absolutely no passion in their relationship. They are no longer together which I am not surprised about.
Personally I think you can't have passion without the odd argument, they come hand in hand unfortunately.

I think whether you have rows or not is less to do with your relationship and more to do with your individual personalities. I'm not a shouty person and I don't really have a temper. That doesn't mean I don't speak my mind, but I do it in a non-aggressive way. Dh and I don't remotely tiptoe around each other. I wouldn't say I'm a very passionate person either. Passionate often seems like another word for hot-headed, impulsive and lacking in self-control to me! When people describe their passionate but volatile-sounding relationships, I think god how exhausting and stressful to live like that!

I would say Dp and I argue often-ish about random stuff, never anything important. However, after reading this thread, I think my idea of arguing and what other people are talking about is completely different.

For example, from a pp - Sometimes you need time to be upset and process what has been said. I have never had to do this in the 10 years we have been together, nothing has ever been said that would cause either of us to need this time. Never leave on an argument has always been my rule and has served us well.

DP and I been together 7 years, living together 4 of those years, never had a single argument. We've disagreed on something maybe twice but we shrug and agree to disagree.

We've had a couple of tetchy moments but both acknowledge that we are frustrated with a situation or a thing, not each other (I think both tetchy moments were during a stressful house move)

We are just respectful and don't piss each other off, and both do our share of everything without prompting or complaint

I honestly think people who claim they've never argued are liars

I feel sad for you. You’ve obviously never been in a good relationship

I'm starting to think that my idea is totally different to other people's

Personally I think you can't have passion without the odd argument, they come hand in hand unfortunately.

DH and I have a very passionate relationship, but we don't argue, yes we disagree, yes we have gotten irritated with eachother, but we talk and come to a compromise or we agree to disagree, I can honestly say by the Oxford English Dictionary definition, we've never argued in 12 years.

[countable, uncountable] a conversation or discussion in which two or more people disagree, often angrily
to win/lose an argument
After some heated argument, they finally made a decision.
argument (with somebody) (about/over something) We had an argument with the waiter about the check.
argument with somebody She got into an argument with the teacher.

Me and DH have little bickers but probably a bigger shouting argument a few times a month.
I knew this thread would mainly be full of people saying they’ve never argued and some saying if you argue you’re in an imperfect relationship and should just divorce. Rubbish.

We are both very strong willed, opinionated but sensitive and stubborn characters. We are emotional. We care. We will flare up - but flare down quickly, apologise and learn from what each other raised. It’s communication. Life isn’t just about sucking things up, stewing over something, keeping irritations or hurt in. That festers. You need to release it and discuss it every now and then. We are passionate, we care about each other but our own feelings and opinions too, so yes sometimes it turns into an argument.

in my experience those who don't argue comprise of at least one very very laid back (or subservient) person who is happy to not get their way/doesn't care enough to have or advocate their opinion.

then there is me and my DH who are both right, always and spend most of our lives in dispute about one thing or another 🤯

No arguments here and we've been together 12 years. We've had disagreements, and I have had my fair share of strops over the years, but DH isn't confrontational and won't say a word. We both had tough childhoods where our parents did argue, with his more violent than mine. He simply won't argue or raise his voice based on what happened to him as a child if he did.
People can get through life with a spouse without rowing, doesn't make us liars like people assume.

I’ve been with DH for 20 years, and can remember the only two proper shouting arguments we’ve had (one in the first couple of months, one about ten years ago).

We actually don’t disagree that often - partly because we have very similar outlooks, and partly because after twenty years we have already resolved most points of disagreement and worked out how to rub along without upsetting each other.

When we do disagree, we bring it up and discuss it calmly. It is usually something pretty low-stakes. We don’t shout, and definitely don’t call each other names - I don’t do that to anyone.

in my experience those who don't argue comprise of at least one very very laid back (or subservient) person who is happy to not get their way/doesn't care enough to have or advocate their opinion.

THIS!! I bet all the people claiming to never had an argument throughout their whole marriage actually have a very subservient spouse who leads an incredibly unsatisfying life and just does what they are told all the time (or are this person themselves). It's also a shame as you non- argument couples would have never experienced post argument sex either!

Merry genuine question, what sort of things do you argue about?

My DH and I have very different views on many things, we are miles apart politically for example, but we don’t ‘argue’ about our views, we both accept that we have different opinions and by arguing about them neither of us are going to change each other’s mind, so what would be the value of arguing about them? I am sure each of us thinks that we are in the ‘right’ but we wouldn’t argue.

Things like housework, spending money, where to go on holiday, friends / family etc to see are discussed and agreed, neither of us would ‘insist’ on the other going to visit a relative on their side if one of us didn’t want to, for example, so what is the value of arguing?

As I said earlier, I am absolutely not a smug married person or blissfully happy all the time, but we just don’t argue (maybe we should ?)

*in my experience those who don't argue comprise of at least one very very laid back (or subservient) person who is happy to not get their way/doesn't care enough to have or advocate their opinion.

THIS!! I bet all the people claiming to never had an argument throughout their whole marriage actually have a very subservient spouse who leads an incredibly unsatisfying life and just does what they are told all the time (or are this person themselves). It's also a shame as you non- argument couples would have never experienced post argument sex either!*

I pity people like you both if having arguments with your spouses brings satisfaction to your life.
Some of us manage to live our married lives as a partnership where neither of us are told what to do, with a sex life good enough we don't need to have an argument to make it better. Some of us are happy to be in decent relationships, with decent people, talking through things, away from the horrors we grew up with and enough respect for one another that we can get through life without screaming and shouting at one another.

Depends what you mean by ‘argue’. If you mean raised voices/shouting ect then no, we never have. If you mean just bickering or disagreeing, of course we have.

The amount of people who think you need to scream at your partner to have a normal relationship, and there’s something wrong with you if you don’t, is rather concerning....

I never argued with DH before we had kids.

Then we had a few arguments, but recognised the only reason was tiredness and stress. So we both made an effort to stop being ridiculous and unreasonable, and help each other out instead. Then we had 2 more, and we don't even argue anymore.

People who love arguing with your partner, what do you actually argue about? DH and I have the same view on life and the same goals, we have the odd bickering session, but even the kids raise their eyes and don't them tell seriously.