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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how couples can never argue?

215 replies

Pikachupoops · 09/05/2020 20:43

I have seen a few times on mumsnet, people saying that they have never argued with their other half. Maybe I'm being unreasonable but how is that even possible? How is that neither party gets upset about anything, etc? I have never know anyone that doesn't have a disagreement every now and then

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday20 · 09/05/2020 22:07

We bicker now and again but rarely argue or raise our voices!

StormBaby · 09/05/2020 22:08

We have never shouted, called each other names, bickered... Of course we have disagreed but there's never any anger there.

CloudyVanilla · 09/05/2020 22:08

We have argued due to a specific occurring issue that is serious. We don't bicker and we NEVER call each other names. We talk lots and debate stuff but not acrimoniously.

If you've never had cross words with your partners then honestly I'd say you were pretty apathetic toward eachother as a PP indicated. It not being all rainbows and sunshine doesn't mean you don't love eachother fiercely.

peperethecat · 09/05/2020 22:10

It depends what you mean by argue. My husband and I get annoyed with each other quite a lot but we've never had a screaming row. I like to think it's because we respect each other enough to try and get our point of view across in a constructive way, and neither one of us is afraid of the other, so if we disagree, we just talk it through. If I know I'm in the wrong I apologise. If I think he's in the wrong I try and explain why I feel the way I do.

I come from a family of screaming rows and he comes from a family where no one ever raises their voices and everyone is usually happy but there are quiet injustices. So I think we're aiming for something in the middle but a bit closer to his family.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 09/05/2020 22:12

I honestly think people who claim they've never argued are liars

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/05/2020 22:15

I honestly think people who claim they've never argued are liars

Fair enough.

I honestly think a lot of people convince themselves to stay in crappy marriages by assuming/hoping everyone else is as unhappy.

Merryoldgoat · 09/05/2020 22:17

My husband and I have had a handful of serious disagreements over the 14 years we’ve been together but we don’t shout, don’t ‘argue’ and don’t go in for drama.

I grew up with it - it scarred me for life - I promised myself I’d never have a relationship like that.

We are honest, open, disagree frequently but don’t ‘argue’ and shout.

We are exceptionally well matched though and have very similar values which makes things easier.

Merryoldgoat · 09/05/2020 22:19

*I honestly think a lot of people convince themselves to stay in crappy marriages by assuming/hoping everyone else is as unhappy.

I think this is true too. The poor treatment so many put up with even early on in relationships utterly bewilders me.

goodwinter · 09/05/2020 22:20

@ticklemelmo almost daily arguments? What counts as an argument for you?

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 09/05/2020 22:21

There's a big difference between an argument and a disagreement.

Honestly DH and I have never argued, we disagree, we talk, we compromise. However my ex and I fought like cat and mouse.

Mnthrowaway20202 · 09/05/2020 22:23

Not that hard to comprehend. It’s just the same as any other relationship - are you saying that you’ve had an argument with everyone you’ve ever lived with/friends/family? There’s surely some personalities you clash with more, whereas with others it never escalated into an argument.

LockedInMadness · 09/05/2020 22:24

If couples don't argue someone's giving in

Agreed and with this resentment builds up. That can't be healthy bubbling under the surface.
A good old row clears the air.

ElizaCrouch · 09/05/2020 22:25

We disagree. We don't argue.

ElizaCrouch · 09/05/2020 22:26

A good old row clears the air

So does talking about it.

Merryoldgoat · 09/05/2020 22:26

If couples don't argue someone's giving in

This just isn’t true.

Witchend · 09/05/2020 22:27

Nah! We don't argue. He just knows I'm right.

Merryoldgoat · 09/05/2020 22:27

Daily arguments? That is NOT a healthy relationship no matter what you think @Ticklemelmo

peperethecat · 09/05/2020 22:28

A good old row clears the air

I guess that depends on what the outcome of the row is and how you leave things with the other person.

lazylinguist · 09/05/2020 22:30

If couples don't argue someone's giving in
But surely that would be just as true of couples who do argue? One person must win the argument and the other backs down? Otherwise how is the argument resolved? Why is it any better to give in after a yelling match than to avoid one?

Dh and I never argue. We disagree about things occasionally, but we never ever row. We have no need for a row 'to clear the air'. If we disagree we have a discussion like grown-ups (although we don't disagree much tbh).

loubieloo4 · 09/05/2020 22:30

25 years together and have never had an argument yet! We are still very passionate and very much in love. No one gives in automatically, we just talk it through.

We have been together since we were 16, so very much grew up together, he truly is my favourite human and I adore him and he me. We work together as a team and if that means spending the night talking things over then so be it.

We have had some very scary and sad moments in out marriage and sadly dh (39) has stage 4 terminal bowel cancer with 6-12 months life expectancy. Life really is to short to be arguing and I'm so glad we don't.

RiftGibbon · 09/05/2020 22:30

We disagree, and have occasionally raised voices/snapped but never had a long screaming row. We are both pretty easy going and tolerant, so tend not to disagree very often.
My neighbours seem to have a full on shouting (occasional screaming) row around every two weeks or so. Sometimes things are thrown by the sound of it, but they seem to make up quite quickly.

ElizaCrouch · 09/05/2020 22:35

I'm sorry about your DH loubieloo4

DramaAlpaca · 09/05/2020 22:37

We've been together 32 years. I can honestly count the number of times we've shouted at each other on the fingers of one hand, all caused by serious stress.

Yes, we do bicker occasionally, but if we disagree we talk things out. He is very non-confrontational, I am less so, but we can always manage to sort out any differences of opinion by talking to each other in a civil manner. Usually we are on more or less the same page anyway. We've never sworn at each other or called each other names.

And I know how cheesy this sounds, but we always make sure we clear the air before bedtime.

PinkDaffodil2 · 09/05/2020 22:39

Together 11 years. We disagree and occasionally get a bit grumbly but clear the air by talking / humour / cuddles- it’s pretty rare one of us is ‘wrong’ we just have different perspectives sometimes and tend to see eye to eye on important things. Or one/ both of us are hangry which we’re good at spotting and fixing now!
Does having an argument (and presumably one person winning it?) really clear the air?
I wouldn’t lose my temper / call names / raise my voice with anyone else and neither would he so I don’t see why it’s necessarily healthy to be like that with each other.

PinkDaffodil2 · 09/05/2020 22:40

What sort of things are people arguing about where having an argument helps and resolves things?

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