Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

192 replies

nuttymomma · 08/05/2020 20:57

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

OP posts:
TheCanterburyWhales · 08/05/2020 21:00

You sound like you need anger management if anything.

BlueBooby · 08/05/2020 21:03

I used to disassociate a lot and my counsellor taught me to focus on objects in the room I'm in to stay present. It did help me for that specific thing, and I think it is part of "mindfulness".

Is the bullying being dealt with?

Spied · 08/05/2020 21:06

Mindfulness really helps me and has helped me through dreadful periods of anxiety.
I agree with pp. I don't think you are in the right headspace. You sound very angry.

B0bbin · 08/05/2020 21:07

It might not be the right thing for you right now, but a bit of mindfulness actually works for some people. It's more about slowing down...

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2020 21:08

I am not sure mindfulness will help with anger management. it's more for anxiety.

MovingBriskyOn · 08/05/2020 21:10

I think it's bollocks too, but those who practice it love it, and there's lots of them on here, so you won't make many friends with your post.

It's like slagging off god.

Sparklesocks · 08/05/2020 21:11

I’ve found it really helpful. I guess it depends on the individual, but it doesn’t sound like the right thing for you.

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2020 21:11

Even if mindfulness is a load of bollocks some people find it works for them then that's great. Not really comparable to God.

WitsEnding · 08/05/2020 21:13

I don't find it helpful, I prefer CBT - but my weak spots are more around repressing emotions than losing control of them.

MovingBriskyOn · 08/05/2020 21:13

Not so easy in lockdown, but physical exercise helps me a lot. Particularly things like boxercise, body combat, Fight Klub, etc.

An outlet for my anger and being physically tired. Both helpful

iklboo · 08/05/2020 21:15

It doesn't really work for me either. It's just a way of distracting your thoughts. Which stops as soon as you've finished the bloody apple Grin.

I do appreciate a lot of people find it works. Meditation is more helpful for me.

Original poster
nuttymomma · 08/05/2020 21:15

I'm not an angry person, more an upset and anxious person, who cries more than shouts when things go wrong.

CBT was also rubbish.

The bullying is apparently being dealt with but I don't see signs that it has.

OP posts:
LetsBeSensible · 08/05/2020 21:15

I hate it.
Something like CBT for the specific situation might help. Or psychotherapy to look at underlying issues.
But no-one really likes being bullied. Trouble is, it happens all the time, it is useful to learn a way to get through a situation you can’t control or resolve without becoming overwrought.

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 21:17

YABU. Mindfulness clearly doesn't work for you but don't dismiss it as a great tool for others suffering from mental health issues. It really helped my husband through a lot of difficult times and has helped me too. Plenty of free resources available. You sound like you need anger management though.

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2020 21:19

I like ASMR which is the stupidest thing ever but it's a brilliant distraction and I find it relaxing.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/05/2020 21:21

I dont think anything will help with bullying other than the bullying stopping.

Mindfulness isn't supposed to stop the bullying, its supposed to help you focus on the moment so that when you're not in th bullying situation you can switch your mind off from it more easily and get better sleep etc

Richlyfruited · 08/05/2020 21:21

Mindfulness really just teaches you to live in the moment. There is nothing else, no past, no future. Just the moment you are living in now.

Once I realised and embraced that a lifetime of shite just disappeared!

It's not for everyone but I hope you will find something that works for you OP.

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 21:23

Cbt is also not "rubbish" just because it doesn't work for you. It seems to me that you may be very closed minded about these mental health tools. I'm curious what kind of headspace you are in before beginning them? It likely that you may have a dismissive attitude before even trying which would obviously not help them provide you with any benefit. Or are you expecting them to work instantly? Unfortunately tools like this take time. You can't do 5 minutes of mindfulness and then everything be fixed, it's about adding it into your daily routine and seeing the long term benefits. Similarly with CBT you can't just have one session and expect results immediately, it's a process that requires patience, understanding and an open mind.

TacosTuesday · 08/05/2020 21:27

It's not a load of shit but that doesn't mean it's right for you.

If you can't control your emotions in a lot of situations that's likely to cause you issues all over the place, not just work. Mindfulness can assist because of generating self-awareness - I'm feeling angry, I want to x y z. Mindfulness generates choices, maybe I won't send that angry text but wait til I've calmed down etc etc. Giving options rather than getting stuck in the unhelpful reactions that might not be appropriate or helpful.

BUT if you're being bullied you're feeling strong emotions as a result of the situation. And therefore mindfulness to manage your emotions might be less applicable but rather removing yourself or changing (if possible) the situation. There's not enough in your OP to determine which one is applicable.

user1635482648 · 08/05/2020 21:29

It depends. Helps some people, doesn't help others. We're all different, in different circumstances and have been shaped by different experiences.

I think part of the point with it helping you regulate your emotions is if you can learn to notice when you start to become agitated/whatever before you reach boiling point then it creates an opportunity for you to respond differently at an earlier stage.

Whereas if we're not very tuned into ourselves and don't notice gradual shifts in our emotions (they are there even if you don't normally realise until they've become massive) things are already unmanageable by the time we recognise them so it's much harder to change anything. (Like with pain management where the key is to stay ahead of the pain, because it's a lot harder to get it back down from excruciating pain than it is to keep it at a lower level).

There are other ways to learn and achieve that if mindfulness doesn't work for you.

It's not saying that being bullied is totally cool and you shouldn't care.

Doggybiccys · 08/05/2020 21:32

YANBU. I really really wanted it to work for me - lots of work and family stress, sickness, insomnia. Bought into the whole thing with books and apps etc. Then .......sucking a fucking raisin for god knows how long!! If anyone can teach me how to make it work Im all ears.

bellinisurge · 08/05/2020 21:40

I thought so too. I was prescribed a course for pain management. Done properly it helps. I saw something on TV where someone had a CAT scan while doing it. The bit of their brain that was activated by pain was quieter. Not silent but quieter. When you are in constant pain, slightly less is much better.

MattBerrysHair · 08/05/2020 21:45

Yabu for saying its a load of crap because it does a lot of good for some people. It may not work for you but you need to give it a chance before dismissing it altogether. How long have you been doing it for? Are you consistently noticing when you're becoming caught up in the negative thought loops that lead you to losing control and drawing your focus back to the present? It takes a lot of practice, it's not a quick fix.

Fimofriend · 08/05/2020 21:50

Mindfulness is essentially "force yourself to think about something else". You can also do that by binge watching your favourite TV series.

Oxfordnono12 · 08/05/2020 21:52

You seem to have deeper issues. When you've blocks in your way or closed off, nothing is going to work for you, such as mindfulness. It sounds like you're unable to control your emotions therefore mindfulness is useless for you.

CBT helps control your thoughts so that you can manage your emotions. This technique takes quite a bit of time to become beneficial.

I'm sorry to hear about the bullying. But for you to develop coping skills and management you need to work on yourself. Look deeper and find triggers.