to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

[nuttymomma]

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

I think mindfulness can be a good short term way to relax - it’s definitely not a fix for life’s practical problems. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable with the idea that the onus is being put on you to change your behaviour and way of thinking, when the bullies are at fault here.

How can something that's been around for thousands of years be trendy or a buzzword? Seems weird that so many people are so annoyed by something that clearly works for a lot of people. Fair enough if it doesn't work for you but what's the point in moaning about it when it can be usful?

I do Headspace and a load of it is about watching your feelings rather than getting overwhelmed by them.
Their Anger series is particularly good.

it’s definitely not a fix for life’s practical problems.

Millions of people, over thousands of years, have found it to be the necessary response for life's problems, practical or otherwise.

buzzword

Because it's been incorporated into so many different settings and services, often by people who don't actually know what it is.

Things go in trends and right now it's Mindfulness, ten / fifteen years ago it was CBT. Ten fifteen years before that it will have been something else. It's great that people are seeing the benefits and being exposed to it, but it's not the answer for everything.

And I say this as someone who practises mindfulness daily and loves it.

Of course I agree. It's not the answer to everything but I don't think anyone on here is suggesting that?

Mindfulness seems to be one of the things corporates (like mine) can point to and virtue signal as being available to help their over-stressed and exhausted workforces. It's cheap and doesn't actually address the real issue.

I liked this view of the mindfulness industry
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/14/the-mindfulness-conspiracy-capitalist-spirituality

Eating decent home cooked food is also shit because it's hard to get started if you've never done it before. As is driving. Or knitting. Or skiing. Or painting. Or anything out of your comfort zone.

It’s been oversold. It can help people where the underlying issue has been dealt with and they’re still stuck in a pattern of negative behaviour from it, ie a specific trauma for which you’ve received appropriate counselling, but still struggle with panic attacks. But it doesn’t help you if the cause of your distress hasn’t been handled. Personally I’m not a fan though.

@GreytExpectations

I'm not particularly referring to posts on here, but the general prevalence of mindfulness at the moment, particularly when people don't really know what it is and so aren't actually supporting it's use appropriately.

As shown by the number of people on here talking about distraction.

Sorry you're having such a hard time just now @nuttymomma

I agree with you, I found mindfulness and CBT hopeless and annoying. I'm wondering if my CBT sessions just weren't that good as so many people on mn speak highly of it.
I don't know what to suggest for you as I know jobs are all up in the air just now, but I hope you can hang on in there till things improve

The only things I've found that help with thoughts and bad times are keeping busy, which is the one thing we can't do just now...

I think the mindset of people going into either CBT or mindfulness may be part of why it seems "rubbish". OP, you didn't respond to my post earlier where I suggested that perhaps you were expecting a quick fix? I think that may be the issue with a lot of people or they go in with an eye roll attitude because they'd already heard about it. My point is, being dismissive before trying something will likly not allow you to gain benefits because you aren't allowing yourself to be in the right headspace for it.

I'm exactly the same kind of person OP, I found mindfullness bollox as well.
However a couple of years ago I discovered the charm offensive and that works for me. However much I hate them it got me through rough patches, admire something about them, be their best friend.
It really works. It also stops me feeling angry all the time which is actually quite exhausting.
I was ok before the menopause but during menopause I really did hate people and this got me through.
Has made me some unexpected friends too.

OP, I think we need some more information. I agree with others that you do seem very angry.

I do an online support group (NA) and some members have caused a proper hullabaloo. One member feels that another member is bullying newcomers. Rather than take it through the correct channels, she has properly involved herself. She has posted messages all over group chats. She has shared in meetings about this person. It is very much 'I'm the victim, she is awful!' Which may or may not be true, I dont know - but acting like that does no one any favours. There comes a point where s line needs to be drawn. Where people need to take things through proper channels. A point when keeping on for weeks after the fact, just reflects badly on them.

I would say in the workplace professionalism and anger management is even more important. OP I dont know what's happening with the bullying. But your response to it all seems very close minded and angry. If your union is involved I suggest you need to listen to them. Anger has consequences

Mindfulness works amazingly well for me. I think
You need to approach it knowing it will work if you try hard enough! For me I use it as a tool to separate myself from my actual emotions and just remembering that my emotions are something I experience and not something that I am. If you have anxiety mindfulness is excellent as it brings you in to the present moment as opposed to going over past or future conversations, worrying to excess etc. I think it’s worth trying again, I couldn’t get it right for a while because it felt unnatural to begin with. I hope you find something that works for you

It's been turned into a money-spinner and a way of virtue-signalling for corporate bosses, but that doesn't mean there is no worth to it in its original form. I sort of came to the idea of it on my own, without having actually heard of it, when it occurred to me during a long period of post-natal anxiety that being more aware of the present moment and my physical surroundings stopped me from living in my head and following my spiral of anxious thoughts. I then read about it in a book and learnt to notice and accept my thoughts and let them go. It cured my anxiety and panic attacks (along with taking up running, which also helped massively).

A lot of people's negative comments about mindfulness seem to indicate that they've either misunderstood it or been 'missold' it as a solution for things it couldn't possibly solve.

Can anyone recommend any apps other than headspace? I used YouTube to practice deep breathing Buddhist meditation. My thoughts use to run wild at night, now I relax myself deep breath until I feel it in my stomach it sends me off like a baby. My days are definitely calmer.

Basically if your problem is in the outside world, mindfulness can't solve it (though it might help you deal with it a bit better). If the problem is in your head, mindfulness might help. Anxiety is the disproportionate reaction of an overactive threat response in your mind. If you are being bullied, then your reaction probably isn't disproportionate, and it's the bullies who need sorting out, not you! Mindfulness is still potentially good for anyone though, whether they have problems or not!

My managers are the bullies, and HR have supported them.

Yes I am on medication.

What is head space and what is the charm offensive?

I don't know how to recover the situation and would appreciate some tips to help me through it. I can't accept the ongoing bullying and discrimination but I don't want to give them the satisfaction of getting angry all the time either.

My union aren't being helpful anymore. They are concentrating on covid 19 health and safety issues and have more or less told me there's nothing further they can help me with. They are ignoring my emails and messages now.

I've tried it and the meditation and it really didn't help me at all. But it seems to be the new fad in mental health so it's difficult to find MH professionals that won't recommend it at the moment

Nonsense all the people telling you you need anger management. It sounds like you have every reason to be angry at the moment. Mindfulness might work as part of a package of therapeutic methods but you need to work through what is going on for you right now. Could you see a therapist who's integrative (lots of therapists are working online via Zoom) which means they use several different techniques, including e.g. psychodynamic, person centred, CBT etc.

You could get some validation and emotional support for how you feel, explore what got you to this point where you find it difficult to express your feelings assertively without feeling overwhelmed, and find strategies to deal with difficult situations, maybe get confidence and support to plan moving out of this situation when the economy improves. Think about contacting the BACP or Counselling Directory. And make sure you speak to a few people before you choose the one to work with if you decide to go down this route.

Good luck .

It seems the only way you can resolve this is by finding another job.
If HR is backing up management IME your time is up. Look for something else before they find something to use against you.
By suggesting mindfulness they're insinuating you need it. I'd get my coat.

I don't know how to recover the situation and would appreciate some tips to help me through it

Would you consider therapy?

My managers are the bullies, and HR have supported them.

Can you give an example of their bullying?

Headspace is just another meditation app.

What are you options for physical exercise? What steps are you taking against the bullies?

Would you be able to get a financial settlement for keeping quiet about them? What do you want done that can be done, realistically?

Would you feel better making voodoo rolls of them?

Seriously, think what will help you. Don’t rush to what’s a buzzword etc.