to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

[nuttymomma]

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

I found CBT and meditations very useful. It gives me direction, helps me focus and regulates my emotions, it has been invaluable to me.
I don't agree with your employer asking you to use this strategy for bullies. Do they feel it is a conflict of interest rather than bullying? They are handling it badly.

I don’t practise mindfulness, but have sat through a company teaching it to my class of 8 year olds. I’m a pretty chilled out and resilient person, even when shit is hitting the fan and I have never felt the need for mindfulness.

He talked very simply to the children about how different parts of the brain created fear, anger or anxiety and how it reacted as a result, and how the brain built pathways to learn how to react to situations. My take on the lessons was that mindfulness helped to train people to take stock and react more calmly to situations, to be less fearful or anxious about things that hadn’t happened yet, and to be more accepting of situations that cannot be changed.

I don’t feel the need to use it, but I can see why it could help some people.

And yours are? You refuse to accept that she thinks its rubbish. That's hardly helpful and respectful of her opinion, is it?

You clearly haven't read my posts then. I actually have given my reasons, and I have replied to the OP with a detailed response as to why she may be struggling and a different way of approaching it. I also never refused to accept the OP's opinion, I stated it may not be working for her and gave some advice. Maybe check my posts because making assumptions.

I found cbt useful for anxiety because it made me feel in control.

Yeah, it’s mostly wibble. It’s this season’s resilience. Next it’ll be neurolinguistic programming (CBT + woo).

@GreytExpectations I assume there wasn't a course on learning how not to overreact?

I try all the time to break my instinctive behaviour (which is quite paranoid and combative). I have various techniques of evaluating my emotional state and trying to gain perspective. Unfortunately, I'm not so good at this when in the moment.
Is this mindfulness?

I assume there wasn't a course on learning how not to overreact? grin

I'm not overreacting at all, would quite like to see how you have jumped to that conclusion when I am just answering your questions. I'm actually trying to have a levelled discussion about this. You clearly don't seem to be able to and are adament at "calling me out" not sure what your issue is but if you don't wish to discuss this then I won't respond anymore to you.

@WinWinnieTheWay Kind of. You are practicing self awareness, I do this too. Try some deep breathing meditation too, you feel silly at first, it becomes so relaxing.

Oh stop FFS! It was a throwaway comment because you're like a dog with a bone and I find it ridiculous.

You can't move on SM for posts from yummy mummies about their mindfulness. And I think it's a trend at the moment. I think in a couple of months it'll be something else. That's as deep as it goes. Really.

It's not damaging for ONE stranger on an internet forum to call it a trend, or a buzzword. If someone is put off real therapy because of that throwaway comment then they need more help that strangers on mumsnet can provide.

@@WinWinnieTheWay you seem on the right path. Practicing self awareness is good. Try to take time each day, maybe just 5 minutes, and let your mind focus on something mundane, just a day to day task. Put all your attention to that and it can form as a type of meditation, doing this daily even just for 5 minutes can help with anxiety. Of course, it may not work for you but it does for some.

Wow @OhCaptain you really need to calm down. You are getting quite upset, maybe coming away from this thread would be good for you? You don't seem to agree with the use of mental health tools so doesn't seem like a thread you'd get much out of.

Not read other replies or any possible updates so sorry if you’ve already answers my question - tell me a bit more about the bullying please so I can try to help. I get what you’re saying and I have also had bullying in the workplace and at home. Funnily enough I also tried mindfulness and thought what a pile of rubbish. My husbands reaction to my “issues” was not to take things seriously! Like WTF! How can we not take it seriously. Expand on your bullying issues so I can give you advice.

There is a lot of solid peer reviewed research around about the benefits of mindfulness. But it won't make a bully go away, nor will it fix a toxic workplace.

OP in your situation I think I would leave the room if I felt people were bullying me. I'd then make a log of what was being said by who in case it came to taking my employer to a tribunal. Noone should have to put up with workplace bullies, I hope you manage to find a better workplace soon.

Saying "mindfulness is a load of crap" is making a judgement off your own experience. It would be more reasonable to say "mindfulness is not helping me". I have found it a very useful way of calming emotions but it has needed long term practice. Coupled with CBT it can help some people shift their perceptions. There is something associated with mindfulness called " radical acceptance" which is often misunderstood. This may have fed into the perception that you are being encouraged to accept the bullying. What mindfulness and CBT can do is help you to feel less distressed/ angry in response to the bullying and in a better position to state clearly what you want done about it. It sounds to me like mindfulness could be being missapplied here as the job of the Union is to deal with the bullying. It does sound as if you have closed your mind to the potential of mindfulness or CBT to help with handling difficult emotions. It isn't a quick fix though. What mindfulness can do for some people is help calm emotions so that problems can be addressed and spoken about without feelings becoming overwhelming.

It depends on the individual. I didn't get on with CBT but found the Headspace mindfulness sessions very helpful to calm my busy brain. My husband doesn't have the patience for mindfulness and gives it bollocks. He also walked out of CBT. He exercises off his anxiety. One size doesn't fit all.

Mindfulness can help you observe your own emotions without getting involved with them. It can create a moment between you feeling anger and you acting on it. It doesn’t get rid of difficult emotions altogether, it helps you create a bit of distance from them.
I also dislike CBT though- I felt rather patronised.

“ CBT is all about challenging what you believe to be true and seeing situations from another angle.”

That just sounds like regular thinking, looking at stuff from different perspectives.

I’m not a person who holds a lot of solid beliefs anyway though, if you know what I mean.

I definitely find physical exercise key and that’s really been battered in lockdown with the police patrolling the parks etc and the gym closed. I also find it very helpful to get out of my local area which is rough, and I can’t do that either (no car before anyone mentions it).

If NLP is coming back round, I’m older than I realised! 🤦🏽‍♀️

I was the same as you - what improved my professional life and my mariage is Transcendental Meditation! I have tried everything and that’s the only thing that’s working. I’m cool as cucumber 🥒 now !

I think with CBT a lot depends on the therapist. It can be reduced down to just a bit of positive thinking and targets for activities which is patronising. DBT combines mindfulness with CBT and assertiveness/ relationship skills. I think many people who don't have diagnosable mental health conditions could find it useful. Everyone is different though and what helps one person may not help another. Sometimes though it is the way something is presented and delivered that's the problem.

Haven't done mindfulness etc but I think it's important to remember that you can't control others you can only control your reactions.

Learning techniques to help with this will only benefit you. Your initial post suggests you overreact and give into emotion. That is something you can control and if you learn techniques to do that, you will feel somewhat better.

Angry = running/exercise helps
Mindfulness? = pretty popular, (but vague) term. Everyone seems to have a different definition or way to achieve it. More for anxiety...

You know what I found to be utterly useless? Breathing techniques to help with the pain of labor. Oy vey! Never so happy to see a needle (epi) in all my life...and I hate needles!

Everyone's wired a little differently. You'll figure it out.