to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

[nuttymomma]

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

It doesn't really work for me either. It's just a way of distracting your thoughts.

I think you’ve really misunderstood mindfulness.

It helps you control your reaction to situations but it won't take the situation away.

Being told to do mindfulness in the context of workplace bullying implies the person that told you to do that doesn't think the bullying is real.

Friend was racially abused at work by a senior member of staff. HR put her and the attacker through a mediation process. The attacker never apologised. Friend told her manager mediation was an inappropriate technique for a racist verbal attack. Friend was forced to go on a communication skills course. Meanwhile the attacker had no formal warning, was sent on no course, lost no privileges etc.

What I'm getting at is that your anger is misplaced. But you probably already knew that.

You're better off asking in Employment about the bullying situation, and making a plan to deal with the people who are doing you wrong, than starting bunfights over a buzzword.

I do a 40 minute meditation. Sit comfortably in a chair, straight with your back supported and listen to the meditation. I was told that was too long and to do 2-5 min ones?! That achieved 0 for me. So 10 mins is sitting wishing you were elsewhere, 10 mins getting impatient, 10 mins calming and slowing down a bit, 10 mins relaxed meditation.
The result for me is that what was running round my brain at the start has gone and I feel calmer and my brain feels clear.
You could look online for a long meditiation and try that.

There's quite a bit of misunderstanding on this thread. Here's some straighforward information on mindfulness

I agree, it's a load of made up bollocks to enable the mean to take money from the gullible whilst claiming it will help.

I agree, it's a load of made up bollocks to enable the mean to take money from the gullible whilst claiming it will help.

It doesn't have to cost anything. It has been around for thousands of years. There is a lot of evidence that it works.

I had CBT last summer, and whilst it doesn’t work for me it doesn’t mean it rubbish, it’s helped a few people I know greatly.
My problem with it was that you’re consciously changing your thought process, and my thing with it was that you’re sort of ‘tricking’ (poor choice of word but can’t think if anything better) yourself but you’re aware of the fact that you are.
I’m glad I explored that Avenue and it did give me a bit more perspective, but ultimately wasn’t for me

Nothing is working for you OP because you’re not willing to work and put in the time and effort to make it so.

There is no quick fix. You don’t just “do” mindfulness for a bit and you’re fine, you don’t just go to CBT sessions and expect to feel better.

You have to put the work in. You’re not, so you’re declaring everything is “shit”, but it’s just your attitude.

@OhCaptain you're coming across as a right eejit here 😂

Mindfulness shouldn't be a tool employers encourage their employees to use to deal with situations arising from their work.

However, mindfulness isn't simply relaxing. Practicing mindfulness forges neural pathways that make it easier to deal with your feelings.

Focusing on, for example, eating an apple, is like training your brain on the same way we train the rest of our body to manage in a crisis (exercise, eating well, practicing self defence!). You can call on the skills when you need them in times of stress.

Not everyone needs to practice mindfulness. Some already have the skills and some don't need them as they are resilient in other ways.

I find it very helpful. I use the Headspace app every day. It's not about concentrating on eating an apple, that's too simplistic.

It's about calming your breathing, concentrating on your body and blocking out the "noise" of thoughts which come and go - you notice the thought appearing and bring your concentration back to your breathing or other sensations.

I get that it's not for everyone. But it does work for a lot of people so it's not a "load of shit".

I don't know what your workplace is doing to deal with the bullying but they do need do take some action to make it stop.
I'm not particularly enamoured with fashionable mental health fixes but can absolutely appreciate the benefits of mindfulness. For me it's simply about focusing all my attention on the task in front of me, it slows the mind down and gives mental space to think about responding to changing situations rather than reacting.
If you allow your behaviour to be dictated by emotion then you never give yourself the chance to assess the reality of a situation and take a course of action that best suits your interests. So in your situation you are worried about bullying but also about your behaviour being unprofessional, you only have the power change one of those things. Imagine if you behaved more as an observer in the bullying situation rather than an unwilling but emotional participant; would you be better placed to walk away or perhaps consider a calm but assertive response? You might feel better if you could do either of those things rather than worrying about how unprofessional an emotional reaction looks. Mindfulness is a practice that could help you develop this skill but it is a "practice" which means that it doesn't deliver results the first time you try it. It takes time and lots of practice. Persevere with it if you can.

On a thread about mental illness OhCaptain has just used the term crazy as an insult... That is incredibly offensive. You clearly are angry if you feel the need to go quite so offensive. Why don't you and your old fashioned views just leave this thread as you clearly are not interested in the discussion?

There's a lot of sense and a lot of nonsense being spoken on here.

First off, mindfulness isn't distraction, in fact it's the total opposite. It's experiencing feelings (physical and emotional), without engaging with them. By doing so, they become less overwhelming.

It is a bit of a buzzword at the moment, just like CBT was about ten years ago.

It's not a panacea and neither is CBT.

It's not going to sort out external issues, but it may help people feel more in control of their responses to those issues.

Therefore if someone has a very external locus of control and sees everything as beyond their control, it's unlikely to work because they will just feel irritated by the fact that they're being asked to adjust their own behaviour rather than someone else or something else being changed in order to ease the discomfort.

We can't control what other people do, we can control how we respond to it. We can seek out practical responses (like complaints / taking action), but ultimately we can't make things change most of the time. So if we want to feel better, an option is to look at ourselves and our behaviour.

This is what mindfulness and CBT are based on (although they have very different goals and approaches).

I personally find mindful was helpful. But my issue is that I have anxiety about what could happen. It doesnt replace therapy or other mental health related treatment. Also if you don't have an open mind to it , it won't help. There are several different mindfulness approaches and all of them don't work with everyone. In op's situation mindfulness is not the right course of action, do you have an occupational psychologist?

I agree, it's a load of made up bollocks to enable the mean to take money from the gullible whilst claiming it will help.

Just to be clear for people, this isn't true on any level.

It's a practice which has been around for thousands of years but more recently has been adapted and has got a growing evidence base.

It's doesn't cost anything.

Using mindfulness does not make a person gullible.

It may be that this poster is thinking of psychics?

Both mindfulness and CBT have an excellent
research base and are both evidence based treatments. They work for many, but no therapeutic intervention works for everyone.

Also, it very much depends on who delivers it. You mentioned a Mindfulness Coach which sets off alarm bells to me; how regulated are they? Because if they’re like the counselling profession, which I expect they are, they probably vary wildly from good to shit but it’s hard to tell until you’re in front of them.

Go see a psychologist who are very tightly regulated and usually do NHS work as well which guarantees a certain level of training and ability. If you can’t afford a psychologist then try and see a counsellor who has NHS experience. It helps to weed out the quacks, of which there are many.

TBH, regarding the mental health industry, avoid anyone who labels themselves as a ‘coach’. Dodgy as fuck.

@LellyMcKelly, Neurologist-Linguistic Programming is not CBT + woo.
It’s just straight forward woo. Utter bollocks.

Neuro not neurologist ffs. No neurologist would get involved in that shit show.

Marines, Navy Seals, police forces and football teams around the world are learning mindfulness. These are not audiences that take kindly to anything half baked.

I do meditation/mindfulness and I find it a great way to clear my head when I need to. I didn't pay anyone to learn how to do it, I used a free app on my phone.

So.. I think it's great but I searched it out independently as a way to deal with stress and relax more. If my place of work was shoving "mindfulness" down my throat to get me to shut up or to subtly suggest I'm to blame for some issue I'm having instead of sorting their own shit out, I would hate it too!

All mind discipline activities are useful to some degree whether thats yoga/mindfullness/meditation...useful in the sense of navigating difficult situations with a degree of calm which op seems to need, and lowering anxiety.

As for the bullying in my experience the only thing that works with bullies, is being mentally strong enough to come across as being not someone to mess with.
Bullies seek weakness.Fighting back cleverly is the only solution.

I read this recently on a poster,

Be the type of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says OH CRAP she's up.

Apt when dealing with bullies but not sure it correlates well with the peace of mindfullness...........!

I used to not get on with mindfulness, but then I tried Headspace, and that helps me to do it.

The bullying is a separate matter and I'm not sure mindfulness is appropriate for it.

There's a certain amount of guff on this thread, including from seemingly knowledgeable people. The idea that coaches are dodgy is one, for a start. I've seen some excellent ones, and many standard professional qualifications now include coaches as an add on post qualifying.

When I was prescribed a mindfulness course for pain management, I thought "ok, more shit, I'll play ball to show willing". It was an 8 week course. Which started to work about week 5.
It's like yoga. You have to do it properly and persevere.