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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

192 replies

nuttymomma · 08/05/2020 20:57

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 21:53

Hmm.

I get a bit eye-rolly with it. It's a bit of a buzzword at the moment.

But you sound very angry. And this didn't work, CBT didn't work...

If you get upset and rant and let your emotions take over, tbh I can imagine that's very hard to work with and be around!

thepeopleversuswork · 08/05/2020 21:54

I don't think mindfulness is shite: I think its a useful way to help ground yourself and keep perspective in certain situations and also helps you learn more about yourself and what your needs are.

That said, I do think quite a lot of the time people are fobbed off with it by employers/doctors etc when what they actually need is specific action to be taken. In your case if the unions are recommending mindfulness it suggest that they're kind of saying they can't manage your situation and throwing the gauntlet over to you. So you may be right to feel that its a cop out.

It has to be said, though, that your post does sound quite bitter and angry. Without knowing the ins and outs of your situation its hard to know if this is justified or not but you might benefit from it to the extent that it helps you keep perspective.

GCITC · 08/05/2020 21:56

Mindfulness isn't a fix, it's a tool that helps you understand your own emotions and thought processes. In getting to know this you can then find a fix for whatever your problem is.

I was like you, I didn't see the point in it at all because I thought it was supposed to cure me. Unfortunately it's not that easy.

GladAllOver · 08/05/2020 21:57

Mindfulness is essentially "force yourself to think about something else". You can also do that by binge watching your favourite TV series.

Gin helps too.

bellinisurge · 08/05/2020 21:57

"Mindfulness is essentially "force yourself to think about something else"."
Sorry but , done properly, it's absolutely NOT that.

StealthPolarBear · 08/05/2020 21:59

Yep definitely the buzzword of the moment. Is it essentially just meditation for the 2020s?

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:01

It's a bit of a buzzword at the moment.

I don't think this is really fair. Mindfulness is a tool that has helped a lot of people cope with various mental health issues. It's not a trend nor a buzzword. It's fair enough that it doesn't work for everyone but please don't dismiss it like this. It's popular for a good reason.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 08/05/2020 22:03

It's not for everyone, but I dont begrudge people who do find it useful. It makes me feel awfully depressed.

66redballons · 08/05/2020 22:03

Boxing gloves and a punch bag ??

BilboBercow · 08/05/2020 22:05

I find mindfulness really helpful for low mood and anxiety. It may not be helpful for you but you sound like maybe you have an expectation that things just won't work and are therefore "rubbish".

Fairyliz · 08/05/2020 22:07

Umm don’t think you need mindfulness, I think the bullies being sacked would sort out your problems straight away.

Eachpeachpearbum · 08/05/2020 22:07

I don't think mindfulness is bullshit but I think employees being allowed to suffer in toxic situations and then being told to 'improve their resilience' is

TheoneandObi · 08/05/2020 22:07

It's bollocks if you play at it. If you practice it's not. It's not something yiu can casually dip in and out of. Fine well it's more like meditation imo.

AliceAbsolum · 08/05/2020 22:09

If cbt and mindfulness have not helped, what will?
Do what you can then accept the rest. No point being angry about it.

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:14

Just like any other therapeutic technique- it works for some, not others. Just because it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it’s instantly “rubbish”. It’s helped lots of people, so has CBT. I’m sure if you found something that did work for you, you wouldn’t appreciate someone telling you it was a load of rubbish would you?!

There are lots of different therapies you can try. Everyone is different and you have to find what works for you. Much like medication- it can take time and a lot of tweaking to find the right fit. That doesn’t mean you should give up. Read and research different techniques- see which approach feels the most comfortable for you.

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:14

It's fair enough that it doesn't work for everyone but please don't dismiss it like this

Why does it bother you if other people don't rate it? Confused

saltedtortillachips · 08/05/2020 22:16

I use mindfulness every day and it does help me a lot so I don't think it's bullshit at all. Therapy is not a one size fit all. I've had success with mindfulness and CBT but other people haven't, that's just the way these things work unfortunately.

However I don't see how mindfulness would be much help with bullying. It does seem like they're trying to get you to learn how to manage the bullying rather than dealing with the bullies which is a bit crap.

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:18

Why does it bother you if other people don't rate it?

You didnt direct this at me but it bothers me because I work in mental health and I don’t want people being put off trying it when it could work brilliantly for them. CBT and mindfulness together have been studied and have high success rates with reducing anxiety etc

Someone saying oh it’s a load of rubbish is really minimising how useful it can be for some people.

EasyPleasey · 08/05/2020 22:18

I tried mindfulness and found it awful. I tried CBT and just said what the counsellor wanted to hear so I could get signed off the course....I think both were crap for me.

Namechange30000000 · 08/05/2020 22:20

I was offered a course of mindfulness but couldn’t get therapy. It did just feel like I was being told to think about something different, it didn’t help me deal with 10 years of abuse.

Oxfordnono12 · 08/05/2020 22:23

@EasyPleasey Why didnt you say it wasnt working for you?

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:24

@Namechange30000000

I’m sorry you had that experience. Mindfulness is not appropriate for that kind of trauma so I’m not surprised it didn’t work

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:26

But @Russellbrandshair this is just a chat forum. I'm not responsible for anyone's decision about their mental health care. Nor is anyone else.

LilacTree1 · 08/05/2020 22:27

OP I found it rubbish too

Particularly when it’s saying “live in the moment” a d the moment you have is crap

I was first encouraged to try it when I was having trouble at work

And told to really pay attention to the now

When “now” is having a bad time, it’s terrible advice

CBT was useless as well

The main things that helped me were finding absorbing activities and having stuff to look forward to

Which works up to a point but then...lockdown. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Now I just operate on “whatever gets me through the day alive”.

I was certainly never taught that mindfulness was “think about something you like” e.g. a box set.

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:28

Of course not. It’s fine if it doesn’t work for you. But it’s simply not correct to dismiss it as “rubbish”. I’ve seen it be transformative for many people.