to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

[nuttymomma]

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

Yoga

Reflexology - love it

Mindfulness is fantastic, but you gave to get it to realise it. It's not the easy quick fix that many people are just looking for.

The apple thing just shows how far remote you are from the concept of it. It doesn't mean it is rubbish. The first step required for Mindfulness to make an impact is to accept to relinquish control and listen, something that sadly many people are uninterested in trying.

There are several different mindfulness approaches and all of them don't work with everyone. @Rezie would you mind sharing what they are? I'd like to find out more.

Can anyone recommend any apps other than headspace?

some more information to those who have asked. It might be a bit outing although I do try to NC regularly.

Bullied by managers, had my performance questioned, had reasonable adjustments refused, experienced discrimination, witnessed racism, had a breakdown, signed off sick, went on anti depressants, submitted a grievance which was partly upheld but only the little things and no disciplinary action taken, I appealed and appeal not upheld, I put in a tribunal claim as union said I had a strong case, now union are saying its not that strong after all and I should try mediation and/or mindfulness because I keep getting angry and upset with people. Apparently I am at risk of losing any goodwill that remains?

Cannot afford to just quit. Cannot find another job. I'm disabled, my qualifications and experience are very niche (although I'm trying to get more qualifications online), and Covid 19 means next to no jobs.

I'm stuck. I do want to feel better so did look into mindfulness but it is all about holding apples and sucking raisins!

@onlinelinda, go on then, which standard professional qualifications in mental health that are recognised and accredited with recognised regulatory bodies add coach?

In terms of mental health, being a ‘coach’ usually implies a one day workshop, if that. Not recognised by anyone legit in this industry at all.

In mental health, coaches are dodgy; utter quacks.

@SwimmingSwan, Sanvello is a great app.
Also actcompanion which uses ACT. Free up until June

@Dragongirl10’s post struck a cord with me after reading your post @nuttymomma. I wonder whether you would benefit from an assertiveness course or book? Something not particularly aimed at MH but more general life.

Bullying is insidious and not only undermines what confidence you have but leaves behind a little voice that questions your decisions and actions in other parts of your life.

Assertiveness teachings might not tell you anything you don’t already know but it might reaffirm what your questioning. On occasion it really is everyone else and not you. Especially in work cultures where no one wants to put their head above the crowd and be different.

There will be a certain amount of acceptance but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong more that your dealing with a crowd of fuck ups.

Just because your reaction to being angry is to worry and cry does not mean you are not angry! Most of us learn early on that public displays of anger usually end badly and are not socially acceptable, so we don't stamp our feet and shout, we boil away silently inside until it destroys us

It's not about apples and raisins and as someone said below, the fact that you see it as that demonstrates how far off you are with your understanding.

It also shows that you're very fixed in your thinking which reading your last post sounds like it might be part of your problem.

Don't worry about it being outing, you're not alone. I can think of loads of people who've been in your position over the years.

I posted earlier about locus of control (sorry I can't remember what time, but it was this morning), I wonder what your thoughts are about that?

I have never really got my head around mindfulness. The concept of lying still and not thinking about anything used to stress me out because my mind would wander and then I'd feel like I wasn't doing it right.

I've tried it many times and never fully 'got it' but I think it probably does work for other people. Have you thought about yoga? That combines some elements of breathing and mindfulness with actual exercise and stretches which might work better for you?

Mindfulness works on helping our small issues not become bigger. When we have big issues we are meant to get a nice big surge of adrenaline to fuel our fight or flight. When you are being bullied you are meant to defend yourself. Until the actual issue is resolved you won't have any peace. Accepting an abusive situation will destroy you through suppressing yourself. You are meant to fight or flight. So leave the job, or find a way to end the bullying, those are your choices. Mindfulness has its place, but this is not it. Anger also has a place. I see anger as an opportunity to fuel a change. The emotion says "this is an issue" the body responds "let's do something about it, here's some energy" and the next stage is to plan and pursue a course of action towards a solution that no longer triggers anger.

I also find mindfulness to be utter rubbish. Actually the only thing that helped me, in a similar situation, was analyzing the problem from its very bleakest angles and deciding to get revenge on those people by doing obviously better work than them.

But then I have had anger management

I do want to feel better so did look into mindfulness but it is all about holding apples and sucking raisins!

Right

I initially didn't get mindfulness - if you're doing audio or guided sessions. for me it was a case of finding the right person. - or it could just have been me getting to a different place.
Once I'd managed that, it does work to calm and focus me. whether i'm listening to a recording, another person, or simply having a mindful five minutes to myself.

I recently bought a pulse oximeter - primarily to regularly check my oxygen levels, which thankfully are fine. Pulse has been really interesting though; normal resting heart rate is from 60 to 100; mine is typically mid 90's, but reduces by around 20 bpm if i do mindfulness for a few minutes.

OP are you the one who posted about your role with the Council? If you are who I think, many people told you you didn't have a case but you refused to listen to anything that didn't go your way.

Maybe that's why mindfulness is not working for you. It's all about letting go and focus on your senses rather than your mind. The raisin thing is practice for doing just that, concentrate on what you are doing at this point of time and let go of the negative stressful thoughts. Listening to your inner self rather than focusing on getting others to validate your thoughts.

I don't work for a council, but it is public sector.

I think a lot of good points have been made. Essentially mindfulness is a form of meditation and it helps to be able to focus on something small or mundane as that then allows you not to worry about things too much when you apply the same mindset to it. It's hard to explain but if anyone is unsure on whether to try it or not, I think it's worth trying. Also, there are a lot of free resources out there. OP, what are your thoughts after reading through the replies?

The basis of most methods of emotional regulation involve a bit of mindfulness, because you have to separate out thoughts, emotions, physical reactions and sensations, and behaviours. It's like that with most anger management techniques, CBT, DBT, ACT, NLP even. If you aren't able to regulate your emotions enough to process them then first you need to calm down using grounding techniques.

I do want to feel better so did look into mindfulness but it is all about holding apples and sucking raisins!

Sorry missed your latest update when I posted mine but this isn't what mindfulness is about and if that's your understanding of it, sadly you have been misinformed. Maybe consider looking up some other resources on it or taking some of the advice offered on here?

Sorry about your bullying, sadly that's got to be something your manager addresses, no amount of CBT or mindfulness will stop that

Have you tried any medication?

Buzzword

Thousands upon thousands of years of Buddhist and Hindu practice... the root of some of the greatest Western philosophical thought in history, and mumsnetters call it a 'buzzword'.

This place sometimes...

There is a large and growing evidence that mindfulness is very good for our wellbeing. You do ideally need to find a good teacher though and it takes a lot of practice. There are some quick exercises like mindful eating that you can practice yourself and you can use apps but that’s not really the whole picture. Doing that is a bit like trying to learn to swim from a book. You’ll get there with perseverance but there will coughing and spluttering and a small risk of drowning along the way! Some practitioners will be offering remote input.

YANBU OP

As with any good idea, the few useful grains of it are soon overwhelmed by a load of buzzword-bingo bullshit.