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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mindfulness is a load of shit?

192 replies

nuttymomma · 08/05/2020 20:57

I have a tendency to get upset about things and rant and let my emotions overtake me.

I would like to obtain better control of my emotions and respond more professionally but it is hard when I am faced with horrible bullies at work.

My union suggested mindfulness but I am finding it a load of crap. Take your time enjoying the apple, notice its texture etc.

What utter shite. Plus it doesn't make the bullying go away. It almost seems to be encouraging me to accept what's happening to me?

So whilst I want to be in control of my emotions and obtain more respect as a result, I'm not sure mindfulness is the right approach.

AIBU to think mindfulness is a load of crap and that people are making easy money from being mindfulness coaches?

Does anyone know a better approach to being more in control?

OP posts:
Original poster
nuttymomma · 08/05/2020 22:30

@Fairyliz

I wish they would :(

I'm trying to find alternative work, but disabilities / niche sector / covid 19 all make this near on impossible.

OP posts:
GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:30

Why does it bother you if other people don't rate it?

There is a difference between saying "I don't think it works for me" and saying things like it's "rubbish, shite, and just a buzzword". It's a great tool that could help a lot of people and maybe someone on this thread could benefit from it and by suggesting its any of the negative terms I mentioned above, it may put them off of it and I think that's not a good thing. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean its not good for others. Just consider the way things are said in regards to mental health tools.

tobee · 08/05/2020 22:31

It's not that mindfulness is a load of crap (in my imo) but if someone has advised you to to just do mindfulness to stop bullying it sounds like they're a bit crap tbh.

"Oh yeah, mindfulness, that's what I was told to suggest to people on my last training course to tell people who come to me with a problem". As if it's a one size fits all solution. Hmm

Can you go back and ask for more help op? Or are they likely to fob you off again?

EasyPleasey · 08/05/2020 22:31

@Oxfordnono12 the counsellor really wasnt interested in why I was struggling, I had suffered some horrific experiences and she kept telling me things like 'have a warm bath, that will help you sleep'. So I gave up and just thanked her for her help and 'passed' the course.

SonjaMorgan · 08/05/2020 22:32

Well you can't control what happens to you but you can control how you react. I have have done any "mindfulness" but I have used CBT. Lots of people are arseholes but I am happy with the way this affects me in general now. I still have a lot to improve on but I am no longer the angry little twat I once was.

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:32

But there are posts here saying it's shite, and posts saying it's not.

Balance.

If a randomer on the internet makes his or her decision based on the decisions of total strangers then they have a variety to choose from here. It's a bit ridiculous to get all bent out of shape because someone's opinion is different to yours.

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:33

@EasyPleasey it sounds like the counsellor was your problem, not the CBT

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:34

I don’t see anyone getting “bent out of shape”. If anyone seems angry it’s the OP. Who admits she’s struggling at the moment. Disagreeing that it’s “rubbish” is just that- a disagreement. It’s not getting “bent out of shape” lol

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:36

@Russellbrandshair I wasn't addressing you. Lol.

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:36

@EasyPleasey it sounds like the counsellor was your problem, not the CBT

Agree. There are some very poor therapists out there. I wish it was more regulated than it is

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:38

It's a bit ridiculous to get all bent out of shape because someone's opinion is different to yours

Nobody is getting bent out of shape over an opinion. I've said that it makes sense that some people won't find mindfulness helpful to them. But to make a generalisation based on your own experience isnt really helpful to the topic nor to people looking into it. Saying things like it's "shite" isn't constructive at all, it's just dismissive. All I was doing was pointing out that it's helped a lot of people so maybe not to be dismissive of it, considering mental health issues can be a very sensitive thing. People mentally struggling often use these forums for advice in that area.
Not sure why you think that's me getting "bent out of shape" over it. Perhaps you are projecting a bit.

Sarahlou63 · 08/05/2020 22:39

OP - if you found CBT 'rubbish' you had the wrong counsellor. Suggest you look at Kain Ramsay's online course CBT Practitioners on Udemy for some good self analysis.

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:40

I'm not projecting. Odd that you would think. What would I even be projecting about?! Grin

I think you're a bit invested. It's really not that big a deal if someone thinks "mindfulness" is the current buzzword. I'm sure it doesn't negate your wonderful experience with it.

Oxfordnono12 · 08/05/2020 22:40

@EasyPleasey I'm really sorry to hear that was your experience! Its examples like this that give counselling a really bad vibe. It does sound like your counsellor was clueless with helping.
Out of 4 counsellors I've been to, I only connected with 1 and ended the sessions with others.

LilacTree1 · 08/05/2020 22:41

Genuine question

What have people found useful about CBT? I can imagine if you never identified thought patterns before it might help, but otherwise, I don’t get it.

LittleCandle · 08/05/2020 22:42

Mindfulness doesn't work for a lot of people, but it is trendy right now to make everyone try it. It does work for some people, and that is great. If it doesn't work for you, then I'm afraid you have to keep looking until you find the thing that does work.

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:45

I think you're a bit invested. It's really not that big a deal if someone thinks "mindfulness" is the current buzzword. I'm sure it doesn't negate your wonderful experience with it.

A bit of sarcasm there which is unnecessary. You state how we are all allowed opinions and disagreements. I have respectively disagreed to some others opinions on here. So why does that bother you so much? I gave my reasoning and opinion. I'm not over invested at all, I am simply explaining why I think it's good to not dismiss something. Yet, you haven't explained at all why you don't agree with it, instead you have critised me for disagreeing which is a bit hypocritical of you. Not too sure why you care so much that I dislike the use of buzzword as a description of it. Hopefully you can find a mental health tool that works for you

Russellbrandshair · 08/05/2020 22:45

What have people found useful about CBT

Thoughts. Our brains have neuroplasticity. Which means that thoughts can actually change your brain chemistry. Negative thinking creates more neural networks with more negative thoughts do they increase. The fact you can train your brain to think differently and therefore feel differently is mind boggling to me. I’ve seen it help so many people but it’s not an easy fix. It takes time and really hard work.

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:47

Where have I been sarcastic? Confused

Someone else called it trendy. Do you have a problem with that? I don't have a problem at all! I've said it's a current buzzword, which I honestly believe it is.

Lots of people have posted saying it's crap. Why are you taking such an issue with my posts?

I don't need mental health tools. Hmm

GoddessOfGettingThereInTheEnd · 08/05/2020 22:48

Im not sure i really get it either OP

For 20 years after leaving school i just drifted, no plans, no preocupation with the future, no analysis of the past. I woke up one day and realised my life was such a mess. I started to plan. I acknowledged finally that there will be future moments. Maybe i misunderstand it though. Open to anything helpful.

Sarahlou63 · 08/05/2020 22:49

@LilacTree1. People are 'meaning making machines'. So, if someone tells you are a failure once, it won't mean much. If, however, circumstances mean you are told, or feel, you are a failure two or three times in a row you will (may) believe it and it will colour the way you see yourself and hence deal with rejection in the future. What if the first and third person who labelled you a failure misunderstood you or were just plain wrong? CBT is all about challenging what you believe to be true and seeing situations from another angle.

lazylinguist · 08/05/2020 22:51

Mindfulness is essentially "force yourself to think about something else"."

No it isn't. If this is what you think, then you've misunderstood.

OP - of course mindfulness can't solve bullying! Only getting rid of the bullies can do that. Mindfulness can (over time) help with the way you react to things. But if there is a problem caused by external factors, changing your reactions can help a bit, but it can't remove the problem.

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:52

Someone else called it trendy. Do you have a problem with that?

No, they gave a valid opinion in which they explained how it works for others but why they don't like it. I'm not just addressing your posts, I also referenced ones calling it crap and shite as dismissive, including the OP saying its rubbish. The reason I'm responding to you is because you are the only one who called my post out and had an issue with me disagreeing. Nobody else seems to have had a problem with that.

I don't need mental health tools. hmm

Not sure what the emoji is about. Is there something wrong with people benefitting from mental health tools?

GreytExpectations · 08/05/2020 22:54

How can describing something as a buzzword be a proper opinion of it? If you have tried it and it didn't work then fair enough, but your choice of word isn't exactly helpful to the OP.

OhCaptain · 08/05/2020 22:56

And yours are? You refuse to accept that she thinks its rubbish. That's hardly helpful and respectful of her opinion, is it?