To be absolutely fucking done now?

[BasinHaircut]

I’m done. Started getting weary of all this lockdown shit about a week ago but today has broken me.

Feel so guilty about DS, he is an only child and wants me to play in the paddling pool with him. I just can’t. I do not want to. I am not a child. I’m sorry I did not provide you with a sibling, but I just can’t replicate that for you. He would have loved a brother to wrestle with all day long and I do what I can but I’m his mum and an adult with adult things to do. It’s constantly demanding attention. He doesn’t know how to be bored or amuse himself without the TV (which I also feel guilt about)

So he wants to play on the Xbox all day and TBH I want to let him but again I feel so guilty about it. He is in there now playing via FaceTime with his friends. It’s the only interaction he is getting with other kids. It’s such a nice day he should be outside.

DH and I haven’t had sex since the first week of lockdown. I just can’t face it after being in each other’s pockets all day every day.

I am now laying in my bed, totally overwhelmed by the pressure of just existing today. FFS I feel like I could explode.

It must be very hard with young kids, I can't imagine how hard. Does your dh do his share of dealing with ds?

Yup, I feel the same. We're lucky in that me and DP work in the nhs so obviously are getting out of the house on alternate days for work) However the days at home are long and lonely with just ds (3) to entertain. As enthralling as I find my child I just cant hack hours on end of playing with trains or hungry hippos over and over again. I'm guilty of letting him spend all his time on the kindle playing a train building game I found. I hate to say it but I miss soft play, it's been 6 weeks since he played with another child and I hate it.

This is all about survival op - a day of Xbox is fine, let him crack on. I have 3dds and dd1 burst into tears last night because “I do love my sisters, I do but I just need them to leave me alone sometimes!” I hear her and totally get it. Her sisters are 8yo twins and she’s 12. She’s been amazing playing babies with them despite never wanting to play babies when she was younger but she’s done with their demands now, but feels guilty for feeling that way. I’m like - welcome to my world! It’s a really hard balance. I’m crap at the playing part. Can you set him some kind of set of mini challenges like a scavenger hunt?

Totally agree Op! There's only so many times I can play hide & seek, Uno, Kerplunk. It's fucking exhausting.

It's extraordinary circumstances at the moment, a day of Xbox is fine imo, it gives him interaction with others, and hopefully gives you some peace and time to yourself. DS is an only child, I don't feel guilty though as I didn't get along with my siblings growing up, and we didn't play angelically together either, so it's not guaranteed and being in lockdown with them would have been hell on earth. Be kind to yourself, as long as he is safe which he is then you're doing a great job.

6 dc here. Can't go to work. Head at explosion level

Yes DH is great at doing his share and plays with him loads more than me but it’s the old classic - he will be sitting on the couch literally next to his dad but still call for me. It’s me who wakes in the morning when DS wakes - not DH’s fault as such as I’m a light sleeper and once I’m awake I’m awake, that’s it, but it’s literally from the moment I open my eyes I’m on duty as either a mum, teacher, employee, playmate etc at the moment.

I’ve been getting out for a solo walk in the mornings which is helping get me off on the right foot each day but by the time I do that, get dressed/breakfast etc, do a bit of work, I realise DS has been awake for say 4 hours and has been watching YouTube or Netflix for the entire time. Makes me feel sick.

I was seriously thinking of starting this very same thread.
My only difference is I co-parent 50/50, one week with me, one with his father.
Father has 2 kids, so DS effectively had 2 siblings.
My week i am feeling like such a failure. My DS would sit and watch YouTube all day, every day if I let him. Sometimes I do, for a couple of hours at a time, until the guilt gets so bad I have to find activities for us to do.
Today I have set up his paddling pool and he's brought out 100 toys, yet still its "mummy, mummy, mummy" every two seconds.
Then after struggling to sort a paddling pool (including a visit to our dark and dusty celler to find the pump to blow the pool up), the sun goes in and now he's complaining of it being cold and trying to get my attention any way possible.
I'm not a person made for home schooling either, which makes me feel incredibly guilty. We do what we can but eventually we both get frustrated.
Even writing this post he has demanded my attention several (hundred) times.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that next week he will be with his dad and have a different set up completely.
I can completely understand you and the feelings of being inadequate, I am happy at this point i don't do social media because from what I've heard the "happy perfect lock down home schoolers" would put me over the edge.

If this makes anyone feel any better, my DS proudly reported he was in the school news letter when they asked for photos of kids reading because

"Mummy I had to pretend to read to younger half siblings name and they put it in the newsletter"

Made me chuckle. It was totally staged but nobody would know that except for the honesty of my DS.

Op, you are not alone. This is hard.

Why don't you do what the house three down from me has done three times this week, have the kids friends over in full view and just don't give a fuck about anybody else

Op this is what Netflix is for! When dtds were born dd1 was a toddler and essentially brought up by CBeebies - not the parent I planned to be but prem twins on 3 hourly feeds changed that. She’s now at secondary and really doing very well. TV plus Xbox is fine. Maybe try to ask him about his game (although I struggle with dd explaining minecraft to me and just switch off and make the right noises!)

Thank you for saying this. I'm currently crashed on the sofa, exhausted after our piddly walk (well, and the rest of the day, which began at 5.45am). I adore our three year old DD but I don't want to do any more stuff with her, and my heart hurts to admit that. My husband is great but it's all just hard at the moment.

It's so tough, I'm having an overwhelmed day today too if that helps you not feel alone.

I keep blaming the new pill I'm on, but I'm just bloody miserable and tired and want to leave my family and go far far away!

Sending big hugs, this will pass x

Thank you all so much! You are honestly talking me down from a ledge here.

I had plans for today to be fun and productive but it’s gone to shit. I’ve just eaten a sharing bag of crisps I bought for me and DH to eat tomorrow night when we do our friends zoom quiz. DH came in and sat next to me and asked if I was ok and I just pretty much told him to go away.

Oh the guilt! I’m a person who needs solitude in adequate measure to function. I’m just not getting any right now.

Nope, not cut out for teaching either. I’ve settled on Joe Wicks PE and some maths and spellings each day. That’s my limit. I’ve stopped reading the school newsletter with all of the staged photos that were sent in. Actually I’ve stopped reading the school stuff full stop. It’s overwhelming. DS’s teacher calls regularly and I’ve told her the same. She is fab though and totally understands.

We are pretty fed up too - no kids to distract us even. The mood definitely changed about 10 days ago from novelty of being together here to wanting to go anywhere but here (together I might add). You are far from alone!

I can understand statistics, know about risk and I think they need to stop blanket lockdown in favour of just those at increased risk

I had the same last week - felt so overwhelmed, in the truest sense of the word.
Thing is, kids need to be round other kids, for mental, social, etc. etc. reasons. When the child is the only one in the house, it's difficult as an adult to be a playmate. We can't, much as we'd want to be. Children need other children to develop, have fun, interact.

The sooner social unity replaces social distancing, the better.

It’s really hard but I suggest a better outlook?

Most siblings just fight all day if similar ages anyway/ it doesn’t really offload any of the attention they need from you either.

I guess we’ve got 2 choices atm. Stay in our homes, or risk having to stay in a hospital whilst fighting for our lives?

Stop feeling guilty, your son won’t be feeling negative about the things you feel guilty about.

You’re doing well!

OP try and give yr child 10 minutes of yr full attention to play whatever he wants, he chooses the play but you set a timer.....that 10 minutes he will love & then you can guilt free crack on with what you need to do. You can achieve this, possible building up to twice a day or more-he’ll be happy & you won’t feel guilty. Good luck

OP I could have written your post. Soooo much screen time and I hate playing with them. Feels like my head will melt and wilt. I feel so guilty about it too. Constantly.

You may not feel like it, but you sound like you could do with a shag tbh. Swingball is a good toy for only kids playing outside.

You aren't alone in feeling the guilt. DD hasn't seen another child since lockedown other than a few video calls with cousins/friends.

The houses 2 and 3 doors down have kids about her age and no fence between their gardens so she can hear them all playing together too.

It's horrible for only children because they really are lacking in interaction with people their own age.

She can't wait to go back to school to see other people and does tell us now and then.

Me and DH work from home, both superglued to our computers for far too long because our workloads have increased a great deal. So she gets a lot of screen time. But we've started taking her screens away during what would normally be school hours so she's had to start finding things to do. She does some school work and complains the whole way through it and sometimes takes herself off to play with toys.

I remember being bored when I was a kid, (I have two siblings but still got bored) and our parents never played with us, so we would jointly and individually go and find things to do. I'm hoping she develops the skill of self entertainment because of this.

Don't feel bad OP I think we are all feeling this in some form right now. I've shoved mine in front of screens for fucking ages a little bit so I can have some peace and quiet. I honestly recommend having at least a day a week where you just let him do what he wants. If he wants to facetime his mates and game inside all day just let him and do something for you whilst he's busy. It won't kill him.

He would have loved a brother to wrestle with all day long

Just to say, don't feel guilty about this. It's not guaranteed he would have loved a brother to wrestle with. Our two cannot stand each other half the time much more than half the time actually and we spend at least 3 quarters of every day refereeing arguments or potential arguments. A lot of the time they would much rather be on their own than with their brother.

This is actually so refreshing to hear, DS is the same! And it's not just the playing, it's the constant noise, DS will have an audiobook in the background even if I've managed to wrestle him away from various screens and he talks constantly.

Plus, his choice of activities are always very interactive- setup complicated worlds out of his toys, experiments (bloody experiments), crafting out of clay...

Honestly, the main reason I'm coping quite well is that I've separated from his dad and he goes there!

Lockdown is exhausting with children. I feel for you. Just let him play the games and watch the TV today and you relax and get some time for you.

Can you organise the day around your needs, instead? Say, with DS for an hour first thing, dressing, eating breakfast etc, then an hour on your own doing whatever it is you need to do (headphones, whatever it takes). Another hour doing school stuff, then time out.

DH and DS can work around you, instead.

Maybe plan a fun family thing for an hour in the afternoon.

I feel the same. I feel like crap that I can’t provide siblings for him. We go for a walk and see families and it’s like a ready made gang. We have no gang or tribe, just us.

We went out to watch a procession of vehicles near our house yesterday (motorbikes, tractors and trucks all decorated) and we saw 2 lots of school friends with their siblings. He was so desperate to join in with the play fighting.

I realise some of this is my fault, but I don’t want to have a water fight, play in a paddling pool or jump on the trampoline (well I don’t mind the last one, but not in front of the neighbours). I’d love to have a BBQ or camp out but it seems too hard and pointless just the two of us.