Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fucking done now?

193 replies

BasinHaircut · 08/05/2020 16:07

I’m done. Started getting weary of all this lockdown shit about a week ago but today has broken me.

Feel so guilty about DS, he is an only child and wants me to play in the paddling pool with him. I just can’t. I do not want to. I am not a child. I’m sorry I did not provide you with a sibling, but I just can’t replicate that for you. He would have loved a brother to wrestle with all day long and I do what I can but I’m his mum and an adult with adult things to do. It’s constantly demanding attention. He doesn’t know how to be bored or amuse himself without the TV (which I also feel guilt about)

So he wants to play on the Xbox all day and TBH I want to let him but again I feel so guilty about it. He is in there now playing via FaceTime with his friends. It’s the only interaction he is getting with other kids. It’s such a nice day he should be outside.

DH and I haven’t had sex since the first week of lockdown. I just can’t face it after being in each other’s pockets all day every day.

I am now laying in my bed, totally overwhelmed by the pressure of just existing today. FFS I feel like I could explode.

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichplease · 08/05/2020 23:34

OP totally understand - l could have written your post. Got an only child who l feel desperately sorry for as she has to amuse herself which in general she does but 6 weeks of not seeing her friends is so depressing for her. I don't want to play crap games - l have still got things l need to be doing and also feel guilty for letting her watch tv etc. Just holding onto the fact when she goes back to school and clubs she will be kept too busy bit who knows when that will be. I could stay in lockdown forever, quite enjoying no pressure of having to see people but feel so sorry for her.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 08/05/2020 23:48

Just rtft and what Bertiebotts said is so true - wasn't my choice to only have one and have always over thought the fact she is an only. Have to keep telling myself she doesn't know any different but the guilt l feel at having an early menopause, even though it wasn't my fault, will never really go away l think. Always feel envious of people who are able to choose how many kids they have. Only wanted one more but just never happened sadly.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/05/2020 23:56

I feel like we've hit the wall this week as well. I went from actually liking lockdown (extreme introvert) to thinking my eldest is a spoiled little shit in the past week I think.

I dont know if it's easier with siblings though, you say it would be nice for him to have a brother to wrestle with but the chances of having a same sex sibling with the same interests is slim! You could equally have had another to provide a playmate and had a child who was content with their imaginary friends or dressing up as barbie all day. I spend a lot of time refereeing about who's turn it is and yelling things like if they can't share I will take it (it being a toy neither are usually bothered about) off them and burn it.

It's been a rubbish week. I cant get mine interested in anything at all.

waaahhh · 09/05/2020 00:02

I have found my people! OP I could have written your post. Everyone has made me feel soooo much better. Particularly Bertiebotts - you're posts made me breathe huge sighs of relief and I literally felt the weight come off my shoulders! Thanks all

Mumof1andacat · 09/05/2020 00:04

I have found the last few days hard. I have an only. Hes 7. I will admit I just didn't want anymore after having him. I struggle with the whole parenting thing anyway so lock has been hard. I was working for some of it but I'm in between jobs and new job doesn't start until 18th. DH is working and does his fair share when home.

puppymouse · 09/05/2020 00:06

I hear you. DD is an only and asked me to play a game with her today. I didn't have enough imagination or nice to say yes. She then badgered me to paint her face. I eventually agreed, did a rainbow and cloud on her cheek and she said it wasn't anything like what she expected and was really disappointed. I stropped then. Very immature of me but ffs. I have nothing to complain about but god I'm losing patience.

Crickets · 09/05/2020 00:38

Don't know how old your DC is, but give yourself a massive break. I truly haven't felt any guilt about my CBA during lockdown. Pass done of your over your worries and guilt and I'll put it in my fuck it bucket

My bar is usually pretty low; it's on the floor at the moment. We are living in strange and usual times. I'm usually fairly strict about routine and very tidy. Currently I give zero fucks about screen time, bed time, meal times. So what if it was chocolate digestives for breakfast one day? Something on toast is featuring for dinner. Not anyone's favourite but requires little prep or thought. I really don't care.

Ds didn't stop talking when he was small. He was still when he was asleep and not even then cos he fell out of bed a lot. We used to play army. I timed him running laps around the garden, mostly to wear him out and drink a cuppa. He is 13 now so I can tell you, this too shall pass.

The best thing he has learnt during lockdown is self discipline and diligence. He completes his school work and that's all we ask. School Twitter and Facebook is full of university level science projects and he is doing the absolute bare minimum. (Shrug).

This is the Wednesday of your lockdown. Take it easy on yourself. Be like Crickets.

xtinak · 09/05/2020 00:49

Glad it's not just me. This is brutal.

31weeksgone · 09/05/2020 00:56

Yup. I’m done. Only child who’s 4 who is a whirlwind of energy, stuck inside a flat with no garden so can’t even give her a paddling pool or play outside in this heat. I’m broken to be honest. Exhausted, rowing with ex-dp who I have to live with, and all the parenting guilt

PierceHawthornesSexDungeon · 09/05/2020 01:20

I've arrived at the wall and I think I'll be staying here. Too much screen time and all the mum guilt have finally done me in. So reassuring to read that it's not just me

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 09/05/2020 07:50

Today is a new day. I got up early and had a peaceful coffee in solitude.

DS has just woke up and we are currently snuggling on the sofa watching a movie and he is having salty popcorn and milk for breakfast.

Plan for today is to stay happy and positive.

I’m going to instigate a water fight with both DH and DS later. I think we all need a bit of tension release. Whoever said I sound like I need a shag is probably also right Grin.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 09/05/2020 08:09

Plan your kids day around what you need to do. So for example on my days off I make breakfast, kids get some tablet time. Whilst they have some tablet time, I will load the washing machine. They are then fed. I then get them ready to play in the garden, I send them out and do the dishes. I take my breakfast out to the garden and eat there. After that I will join in playing in the garden for 15-20 minutes with them both. By then the clothes will be washed so I hang them out or bung them in the drier and have a general tidy up of the house, put toys away. Kids will come back in by then and we will do some colouring, painting or water play followed by snack time. After that we watch some Disney plus and then have lunch. After lunch it is nap time. I then read, watch tv basically anything I want to do for an hour. When the kids are back up I settle ds with some toys whilst dd and I do 20 minutes of letters and the same for numbers. We do one learning task a week eg. learning days of the week. After that a snack and back out in the garden whilst I prep dinner and tidy up again. By that time their dad is done with work for the day so takes over feeding them dinner so I can exercise and run a Hoover around.

It helps me to have a clear plan for the day with two or three fun activities to do with them, that way I don't feel guilty for not playing with them enough and still get to have a clean and tidy(ish) house which is important for my sanity.

Zoeyclash · 09/05/2020 08:14

I don't have time to read through all the replies but I just want to say OP that I completely understand where you're coming from. I can only tolerate a certain amount of "playing" as well. I just find it so boring and I feel it eats in to my time when I have so so many other things to be doing. I hope all the other posters have given you good advice. I just wanted to let you known that you shouldn't feel guilty because there are thousands of other parents who feel exactly like you do.

Zoeyclash · 09/05/2020 08:16

Oh and also, RE sex with your DH, I would just grab the bull by the horns (so to speak!) and get jiggy tonight. It will make you both feel better and will release some happy hormones. Enjoy!

Ilikeviognier · 09/05/2020 08:20

I’ve just screamed at my 5 and almost 4 year old for arguing downstairs at stupid o clock in the morning. It’s not that - it’s because I’m shattered, really want some alone time and am not sure how much longer I can keep this up for!

I’m not sure what Boris will change tomorrow TBH- aren’t the numbers still too high? I think he’s trying to placate us through the bank holiday with the promise of change.

Maybelatte · 09/05/2020 08:20

I’ve been trying to remember that it’s not going to last forever. One day everything will return to normal and eventually we’ll mostly forget about this, it’ll just be a story we occasionally tell like anything else.

Maybelatte · 09/05/2020 08:21

Boris won’t change much tomorrow, he’ll do similar to the Welsh assembly and relax exercise rules but that’s about it.

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2020 08:25

I’m sorry you’re finding it hard op, my daughter is older but I can only imagine it must be relentless.

I just don’t understand how so many people are agreeing with you, whilst on other threads so many are begging for schools and paid child care to stay closed. Not they want them to open and a choice for kids to go, but they want them closed to everyone. It is so unbelievably selfish.

ellanwood · 09/05/2020 08:27

No child will come to long term harm from being stuck in front of a screen for hours every day during lockdown. As long as you take him out for a good hour of fresh air, read a story with him at night and do one activity a day with him for about an hour - a game, building something, messy play, make believe etc, then let yourself off the hook. Just decide to do those two hours - one of exercise, one of play, with usual chat a meal times, bath and bedtime story. Let him use screen to watch classic kids films, do gaming and some educational stuff. Screens aren't evil and whatever anyone says - they are meant to be babysitters. That's exactly what they are when we are exhausted, run down and need a breather.

Oblomov20 · 09/05/2020 08:43

Totally fed up here. Dh goes out to work, I'm left here with older ds's, but working many many more hours than I'm paid to do, just to cope.

All over FB I see posts of people not adhering to the 2 metre rule.

It's in the news. Why am I bothering? I think to myself. Seriously had enough.

drinksonthelawn · 09/05/2020 09:00

I’m not sure what Boris will change tomorrow TBH- aren’t the numbers still too high

Yes they are still way too high and after all those ridiculous street parties yesterday will probably shoot even further up later this week meaning longer of this crap.

MsTSwift · 09/05/2020 09:06

The fact you are all so concerned demonstrates what good parents you are anyway. Frazzled and upset parents more damaging than a chilled one and screen time in my unqualified opinion.

I think parents now are far too hard on themselves. Don’t remember so much being expected of our own parents...

Phineyj · 09/05/2020 09:33

@BertieBotts I have also found your posts helpful.

Coffeeandroses · 09/05/2020 09:53

Im an only child OP and grew up without siblings and I’d still look back and say I had a good childhood, don’t be too hard on yourself I’m sure you son is still able to have some fun and find enjoyment even without having siblings in his life and why not do something together you may both enjoy like baking or doing puzzles or playing a board game or something?

MsTSwift · 09/05/2020 12:05

I used to be quite jealous of my only child friend her house was calm and fun and she was more like friends with her parents whilst mine were distracted with my younger siblings.