To be absolutely fucking done now?

[BasinHaircut]

I’m done. Started getting weary of all this lockdown shit about a week ago but today has broken me.

Feel so guilty about DS, he is an only child and wants me to play in the paddling pool with him. I just can’t. I do not want to. I am not a child. I’m sorry I did not provide you with a sibling, but I just can’t replicate that for you. He would have loved a brother to wrestle with all day long and I do what I can but I’m his mum and an adult with adult things to do. It’s constantly demanding attention. He doesn’t know how to be bored or amuse himself without the TV (which I also feel guilt about)

So he wants to play on the Xbox all day and TBH I want to let him but again I feel so guilty about it. He is in there now playing via FaceTime with his friends. It’s the only interaction he is getting with other kids. It’s such a nice day he should be outside.

DH and I haven’t had sex since the first week of lockdown. I just can’t face it after being in each other’s pockets all day every day.

I am now laying in my bed, totally overwhelmed by the pressure of just existing today. FFS I feel like I could explode.

We are all in the same boat OP. I have 3 under 4 - the twins (2 next week) are constant for mummy mummy mummy. I tell the kids each day I changed my name...obviously they're too young to understand. What I find it helping me at the moment is to write a rota for the day...and each day just switch about or change the activity. Eg.
Sunday 8am breakfast
8.30-9am - watch crap on tv and let mummy wake up!
9am - all stampede upstairs to get dressed....trying to get the three dressed and washed...teeth brushed seems to take a lifetime.
10am - I choose the activity for the morning so there is no arguments but with 1 they could choose! so it could be playdoh/painting/puzzles/crafts...we all do this together so they get time with me and they're doing something creative.
11-12 - playtime/tv or tablet time.
12 - lunchtime
1-2.30- my twins nap but my 4 year old is still up so she can draw or do whatever activity she likes whilst I get on with housework....she asks me to play which once I've finished the jobs I will play as she likes the time to herself with me but with one again just say this is your time to crack on with what needs doing and you will play later...

2.30 -garden time cold or hot...I put coat on if cold and drizzly....they dont mind!

4 - come in and play in front room whilst I cook dinner

5 - dinner

6- bathtime

7- bed

8 onwards WINE!

Glad you're feeling better today and really we are all trying our best. I am constantly reminded how wonderful it was when I announced I was having a second DS and what great friends they would be. Well even before lock down they did nothing but fight and I honestly would rather they were on their respective devices to keep the peace. I am still wfh so they're spending even longer on them than before for schooling and playtime. We attempt a walk most days but my god the whining at having to use their legs and see sunlight.

Oh Lord. DS1 (age 4) has been getting on my very last nerve today. I seem to keep saying "Are you listening?" "no DS1, LISTEN", "Don't do that to your brother" and "DS1 - you DON'T NEED TO TALK ALL THE TIME" approximately a billion times a day. Also "Please just be quiet."

If it's not talking it's making noises. Or random pronouncements about Fireman Sam. Or singing nonsense words. Just constant, irritating, senseless noise.

The baby is sleeping better though - I think He's voting with his feet.

Try playing some music to get over the random noises thing. They don't seem to try and fill up the silence so much with music on. I can't remember if it works on four year olds, but it's working here.

@Jillyhilly if you like that course you'd probably also like a book called When Your Kids Push Your Buttons. In fact maybe they would work well together :)

I don't mean it's so rare it never happens, to have one not by choice but it is definitely unusual and different to many people's experience and that can make it really hard unless you happen to know other people who get it. Whether the reason is infertility or relationship breakdown or something else, and there are generally hard feelings attached to whatever it is on top of it being hard in and of itself!

Do NOT feel guilty. This is a tough time for everyone. Everyone is feeling this in some way. And don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve got one child and that, I think can be harder than when you have more. At least my twins play with each other every now and then. If you need your child to play Xbox for a few hours go for it. Watch a movie together. And go out for a walk by yourself for that peace of mind and alone time. Be kind to yourself OP. And deep breaths.

Your not the only one, I absolutely love my daughter to bits but this week seems to be the breaker for me! Dd is an only child and I'm a single parent, she's almost a teen and wether she's picking up on my feelings about the whole situation I don't know, but she seems to have been 'at me' all week. Literally won't leave me alone for a minute and I just need 5 mins adult time. I have to have a bath or spend half an hour in the toilet to get some peace! Only so much I can show interest in who is popular on YouTube or fashion. I feel guilty for feeling like this and feel quite stressed but telling myself it's an unusual time and we're all doing our best x

@BertieBotts I will try that - although in the car he just talks and expects me to hear him but also keep the music on!

Let him play on Xbox. It's not going to ruin his life, and it'll substantially improve yours. You can't run his life by letting him play on Xbox, and it'll be better for both of you. You are a good parent and need some time in your own!!!

Sorry ruin his life not run!!!

This is the most amazing thread. Thank you for making me feel a little more normal, and a little less guilty!
And @BertieBotts you have, as others said, hit the nail so eloquently on the head. I was thinking if all the roles I am currently having to fill, and you have done a far better job at articulating this.

It doesn’t help that DS had only just attained a fragile level of good mental health and self esteem after terrible bullying at his old school and was actually doing brilliantly at last, working hard in his new school and making really good friends. I can see that his mental health has taken an enormous plummet and it makes me even more guilty for not wanting to do stuff with him sometimes, or for getting irate at his at times horrible behaviour. But actually we are probably doing as well as most!

OP you are doing an amazing job, your child is safe, loved and fed. I get the guilt and frustration as my 5 year old dd is an only child and I am done playing barbies and mummies and daddies. I happily let her have her tablet for youtube at meal and snack times to give myself a bit of relief and so I can get housework done. Good luck op, you are doing an amazing job

You've cheered me up though. I thought it was me, that I was a bad mother cos I just didn't understand my little boy and didn't want to do all the things he wanted to do all the time. I didn't realise others felt the same. Thank you.

Feeling your pain too! DD is 3 and has watched so much Sarah and Duck she is talking along with it 🤦‍♀️ I’m pregnant so struggling to have the energy to do all the energetic games she wants to do. She battles with me to do anything I ask - get dressed, go for a walk... it’s so so draining! She’s also queen of asking for something or to do something and then change her mind as soon as it’s made or set out. Driving me absolutely bonkers!!! Hormones are wrecking my head and it makes me feel incredibly down when all she asks to do is go and see her grandmother; we live on the same property so she’s still been able to see her but demoralising when DD wants to abandon me as soon as possible in favour of her grandmother and cries her heart out when it’s time for me to take her back. Lockdown is hard for anyone for lots of different reasons x

@BasinHaircut It is so bloody hard - I concur! My two youngest 14 and 11 pretty much have school work and then have to entertain themselves. I was an only child and regularly said 'I'm bored!' when I was little - but my Mum and Dad were experts at finding me something to do - usually jobs or crafts. We didn't have the best TV or online shizzle. There's the odd hiccup with my two youngest now - but needs must. I have to provide 24/7 care to their brother 16 who has special needs and needs my input with therapies and feeding and changing as well as interaction. I have honestly never been so bloody KNACKERED! If TV or online games work - it's no big deal, it really isn't. However there are some amazing things online too - ideas for activities for 1, art challenges, making challenges, treasure hunts, I saw some great ones - ie - find 20 different things that are yellow - then make something out of them! Lots of Alphabet games too - name a fruit of each letter, etc ... there's always reading - but I know how impossible it is to get the little blighters to sit quietly and read! Maybe some simple baking or painting .... in the meantime - Long live kids TV!!

Thanks @BertieBotts I have just bought that book, it looks really interesting.

I really think we need to get over this guilt about TV, ipads and X boxes. There is so much parental angst and fear and disapproval around them, which is then conveyed to our kids. And parental disapproval Is crushing to kids - it does nothing to build our relationship with them. It says that we deeply disapprove of something they love and think is important. Where does that get you? It’s ridiculous - especially when we ourselves are using iPhones and computers all the time, and we ourselves know how incredibly interesting and involving they are! It’s the world we are living in now, it’s the reality for our kids and we need to fully embrace and understand that.

It's just about having a balance I think. Sometimes when you have a very intense child it can be easy to slip into habits with it and before you know it, the whole day or most of it is on screens. A bit here and there with other activities too isn't so bad. I agree we should throw away guilt and ignore any guilt inducing fearmongers on that angle!

Everyone is struggling.

Shag your husband, park the boy in front of the X Box and kick that guilt in the nuts.

I feel zero guilt. Why would I? I've no one to impress and no one to answer to. My kids, my way.