To be absolutely fucking done now?

[BasinHaircut]

I’m done. Started getting weary of all this lockdown shit about a week ago but today has broken me.

Feel so guilty about DS, he is an only child and wants me to play in the paddling pool with him. I just can’t. I do not want to. I am not a child. I’m sorry I did not provide you with a sibling, but I just can’t replicate that for you. He would have loved a brother to wrestle with all day long and I do what I can but I’m his mum and an adult with adult things to do. It’s constantly demanding attention. He doesn’t know how to be bored or amuse himself without the TV (which I also feel guilt about)

So he wants to play on the Xbox all day and TBH I want to let him but again I feel so guilty about it. He is in there now playing via FaceTime with his friends. It’s the only interaction he is getting with other kids. It’s such a nice day he should be outside.

DH and I haven’t had sex since the first week of lockdown. I just can’t face it after being in each other’s pockets all day every day.

I am now laying in my bed, totally overwhelmed by the pressure of just existing today. FFS I feel like I could explode.

Ah @Standupthisisnotateaparty I get to give you my first

Thank you @BertieBotts your posts actually made me cry. It really is hard to explain how draining having an incredibly sociable and energetic only child is during this time. Usually it’s clubs and play dates and school and days out etc.

Thank you for all of the advice everyone, I appreciate it, but sitting by the paddling pool throwing a ball at him or squirting him with a water gun just doesn’t cut the mustard. He is so physical, and loud, and excitable, and relentless. There is no activity that he is satisfied with 10-20 mins of.

To whoever questioned whether I ever play with him - Of course I do. All the time. But there is no respite at the moment.

It’s also not just DS. This strange time we are living in means I’m trying to be mum/teacher/playmate/wife/housemaid/cook/employee ALL AT THE SAME TIME and it’s from the moment I wake until the moment I go to bed. I feel like everyone is looking to me for everything at the moment. It’s so intense. Some people might not struggle with it but I do.

I have done some yoga, had my little cry and had a nice dinner. Tomorrow is a new day.

I was feeling a bit smug a few weeks ago that we were enjoying lockdown and getting on fine. It’s odd how quickly that turned around and it all got a bit too much.

Thank you everyone for letting me know I’m not alone in feeling the way I do.

for everybody who is finding this tough too.

I feel for anyone with younger kids going through this. I wouldn’t put extra stress on yourself by worrying about how your child is entertaining himself. Just focus on getting through it by whatever means. I too have an only child so I know what you mean about constantly wanting your attention. I will get easier as he grows.

Even if your son is relentless, you should play in the pool with him. Children remember those things when they grow up. Playing on his X-Box for hours won't be much of a memory.

Why don't you do what the house three down from me has done three times this week, have the kids friends over in full view and just don't give a fuck about anybody else

Same here. We've got one of those on our street. We've made sure DS keeps away from other kids and there they are blatantly ignoring the rules and letting the kids play closely in their gardens!

We have one DC and have had not even one day or night without him in 6 years! My only rest is work and when he's at school.
But we're used to being together alot. I agree it's bloody difficult finding stuff to do though and he'll also happily spend all day on YouTube if we let him

I totally hate playing with my child. I'm lucky in that my partner does it and is good at it, but aaagh I can't stand it. I want to 'do' things with her like bake, or do art, or do some gardening, bounce on the trampoline, whatever... I don't want to pretend to be a cat going to Pizza Planet or some such shit.

I hear you on the only child thing during this stuff - it's really crap for them, but I'm hopeful it won't be for much longer. We chose to have an only child, but worked SO hard on making sure child had some other child interaction every. single. day. that this is hard for her and us.

Her sleep has also gone to shit, she's completely obsessed with being with me at all times, which is exhausting and impossible.

But, but - it's SHORT TERM. Even if it feels like forever. Telly is fine, games on ipads or whatever are fine. Under 10 year olds will barely remember it in terms of what they did with their time. Being bored is OK for them. We discovered by accident after a telling off where she shut herself in her room to cry, that she actually quite likes just being in there playing away to herself. One of us can sit on the stairs and work, she is occupied for a couple of hours.

I rely heavily on audible books and colouring books.

I too am struggling. As I'm single it is completely relentless. Add in a huge increase in bad behaviour and lack of sleep and it makes for some very difficult days.

I sometimes get guilt and worry about TV time for DS before remembering that I used to embarrass my mum by singing the advert jingles for every single item I saw in the supermarket as we did the weekly shop (also an only child). I've turned out to be pretty productive and happy, don't worry!

I’m trying to be mum/teacher/playmate/wife/housemaid/cook/employee ALL AT THE SAME TIME

This is exactly right, and it absolutely grinds you down.

I completely understand, believe me as the mum of a 7 year old only DS I understand! - the feeling that you would rather cut off all your limbs rather than play with him!

I have found that the ONLY way to survive the playing is to get a timer (it has to be a clock face with a different colour for the time that ticks down so that they can see how much is left), set it for 20 minutes and then hurl yourself into child mode for that limited time. It is much less painful if there is a set end time. Agent the alarm goes, the play stops. He he won’t want to end, but he can then watch TV or go on the iPad. That way he gets really good quality attention and playing from a fun mum for a short amount of time, not resentful grumpy playing from angry mum for hour after hour.

You cannot do the playing endlessly, with no definite stop time - you just cannot. It will drive you demented.

I’ve got 4DC.
9 years between DS1 and DS2 so he mostly grew up as an only.
It would have been so hard doing this lockdown back then.
The three younger ones always have someone to play with etc but when we only had DS1, we had to be parent, playmate, everything for him.
It’s really tough.

I have found my people. Thank you all!

I really feel for you. I have teenagers and (obviously) don't have an only child. This must be HARD. Please be kind to yourself and honestly, remember you are doing the best you can. Extended screen time is not the end of the world, it's really not. And is better than a mother exploding at them 10 times a day as I would be! Big love, respect and many glasses of vino to all parents of young children.

DH came in and sat next to me and asked if I was ok and I just pretty much told him to go away.

You need to be honest with him rather than telling him to go away.

Yup! Feeling the same, I have 4 boys and my head is about to explode. I love being a mum and doing all the fun stuff. But for some reason this week has tested me. The guilt can become overwhelming!

To anyone suggesting getting into a paddling pool with their kids - good god no, surely things aren’t that bad yet
Cold, boring, dead wasps, floating leaves, a slow puncture and limited fun
And you have to wear a swimming costume before you are ready

I just can’t. I do not want to. I am not a child.
Wow. How sad if parents won’t play with their own child because they aren’t a child themselves. Since when has that been a prerequisite for playing with a child? And to a certain extent it’s irrelevant whether you want to or not - you have to, even if it’s a chore. I don’t want to watch fucking Frozen for the 10,000th time and sing along with DC, but I signed up for being a mum so I have to do shit I don’t enjoy.

I've convince myself the xbox is actually helping my son, he is getting to speak to his friends. I wouldn't feel guilty about children on iPads and xboxes etc, every friend I've spoken have all said the same that their children are on devices a lot more. I never get in the paddling pool with mine. I usually sit on a recliner and maybe squirt them with the hose.

Stop being so hard on yourself OP. Let him play xbox, get some snacks in and watch a film together. My home schooling has been shite. I started off well, with great intentions but I have times where I let my DC do what they want just so I can have some peace.

Wow. How sad if parents won’t play with their own child because they aren’t a child themselves. Since when has that been a prerequisite for playing with a child? And to a certain extent it’s irrelevant whether you want to or not - you have to, even if it’s a chore. I don’t want to watch fucking Frozen for the 10,000th time and sing along with DC, but I signed up for being a mum so I have to do shit I don’t enjoy.

Have you noticed that life’s problems right now are somewhat bigger than this?

@Rhodri maybe read the room?

It’s really not about not ever playing with your child. It’s about being at the absolute limit and not being able to face it.

I go through phases of being done, have a good sulk and cry and then pick myself up again the next day. I don’t ‘want’ to play some of the games my kids do, but I play them anyway because I know it makes them happy and I feel less guilt about all the other times I have to say no or all the hours they spend watching tv. I have 3DC, the 6 and 4yr olds play really nicely together most of the time so I guess I’m lucky in that respect, but I also have a toddler who is a complete nightmare and needs watching all the time which is so so draining. I find my oldest is struggling with her sleep too as she is used to being so active and mentally challenged all day. I do feel for singles though right now, it must be hard for them to have no other child physical contact for weeks on end . Having said that, I often look at single child families with a bit of jealousy - they tend to do lots of fun things and go on spontaneous adventures that I just wouldn’t be able to do with 3. There is light at the end of the tunnel OP, try and make this time as easy as possible for all of you

OP I could have written this post.

My 2.5 year old only child DS has had me nearly in tears this week with his tantrums and demands.

Wanted me to play in a tent with him in the living room when I have 3 loads of laundry to do.

It really is hard. I'd say dont beat yourself up but it's what I'm doing.

Only child will be missing having interactions with other children but so will other children with siblings. Theyll want to see their friends and are probably constantly fighting with their sibling.

I would try set standards down a bit, don't worry too much about house work, no ones coming round anyway.

It's tough times for everyone, I'm losing it myself.

Single parent here. Is there an escape plan? Asking for a friend

To the poster who said they didn't see the point in a BBQ or camp out for just the two of them PLEASE PLEASE do this! I was on my own with my now grown daughter for years, and the parts she remembers, and I remember, are not the boredom of no siblings, but the sheer joy and excitement of crap camping (tent, ready to eat junk food, duvet) and our cheap but amazing holidays together. I know the hols are out, but just imagine yourself back to your DC's age, and how magical it would be if your mum had just said, sod it, let's BBQ some bananas and chocolate, throw up a tent and stay out here till the dawn chorus. I'm not saying be at their beck and call all the time, but do one thing a day that blows their mind, even if it's chasing and tickling till one of you wets yourself! Xx

I have one child btw. A situation that will never change. DD's father (we split when she was 1) went AWOL in December. Missed Christmas, her birthday and hasn't even tried to check in since. She's 8. No idea when she'll see another child again.