Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

506 replies

fungalinthejungle · 07/05/2020 21:24

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

OP posts:
ECBC · 07/05/2020 21:27

More importantly how are you feeling about being married to your DF? Have you been mentally planning this moment (the proposal) for years and it hasn’t lived up to expectations or is it a side effect of lockdown do you think?

Clevererthanyou · 07/05/2020 21:30

I really don’t want to make to make you feel bad but come on, it’s just a proposal surely? You love him enough to have said yes so isn’t that making you happy at least?

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2020 21:30

I can see why you are disappointed. If you took CV out of the equation would you feel any better?

I would not have liked my engagement ring chosen for me, I enjoyed going to look and choosing, so totally understand that.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/05/2020 21:30

What's the ring like?

Do you know why it's not your thing?

livefornaps · 07/05/2020 21:32

Sounds like he's not.the person for you.

He shouldn't have put a ring on it.

Original poster
fungalinthejungle · 07/05/2020 21:32

@ECBC I am so excited to marry him.

I think it's a combo of things - it was not the moment I've dreamed of. He wanted it at home as it's low key and unexpected but I would have loved to be somewhere amazing -not somewhere public or fancy but just a lovely walk or we've been on 3 holidays in the past 6 months. He didn't go down on one knee or say any speech or anything.

And the ring is not very me - I commented on how lovely someone else's ring is and it's basically a smaller version of that.

It's definitely partly that we can't celebrate or even really get excited and plan things.

I know I want to marry him and I understand there is a lot of pressure on men to pull of a proposal and I sound very ungrateful.

OP posts:
Vieve1325 · 07/05/2020 21:32

Can’t be worse than being drunkenly proposed to in the back of a taxi on the way back from the 30th birthday party you’d thrown for him, where he’d thanked every man and his dog in his speech bar me.

No ring, took me the next week to pick it.

Wedding didn’t happen eventually Wink

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/05/2020 21:33

You do realise that marriage is about the vows and lifelong commitment Hmm It’s not about the proposal or ring and they shouldn’t matter.

If he realises you feel this way, how do you think he’d feel?

Devlesko · 07/05/2020 21:33

I blame bloody Disney princesses tbh, just sets some people up to believe this stuff is important.

SonnyRobes · 07/05/2020 21:33

With regards to the ring, it's something that you have to wear for the rest of your life and you should love it. Like a tattoo, it's personal and there's no shame in not liking your current one and suggesting a new or different one. Your ring is a symbol of your love and it can feel jarring if your love is the best thing in the world and your ring isn't.

Sparklingbrook · 07/05/2020 21:35

You do realise that marriage is about the vows and lifelong commitment hmm It’s not about the proposal or ring and they shouldn’t matter.

It's fair enough to want a piece of jewellery you will wear for the rest of your life, looking at every day to be something you like.

livefornaps · 07/05/2020 21:36

But you're not marrying an actor who's been paid to read lines written by someone who was also paid to "create a moment".

You're marrying your bloke.

You can't expect someone to have a personality transplant for the sake of you having a "moment"

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/05/2020 21:36

Well I was proposed to after sex so no audience and I can’t tell anyone irl about it. Luckily no ones asked.

I didn’t get my ring till the next year when we had some cash

Grumpos · 07/05/2020 21:36

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel a bit deflated when something hasn’t lived up to your expectations, plans or daydreams.

In terms of the proposal is there anyway you could say something like “corona has really taken the shine off of our engagement hasn’t it, shall we do something special to “kick it off” officially when everything is back to normal” and maybe suggest something like a weekend away somewhere romantic or even a posh restaurant where you can get dressed up and order champagne etc?
If you feel you can, approach it like you feel Corona has taken the shine away a little? May as well use it as a bit of an excuse!

In terms of the ring, I’m not sure. If you absolutely hate it you might have to say so; if it’s just ‘meh’ I’d probably let it go and just get a lush wedding ring and wear that instead and claim engagement ring feels tight

YootInit · 07/05/2020 21:36

If you aren't beyond happy after agreeing to marry someone, you should reconsider marrying him. I can understand not liking a ring - it's a matter of personal taste in jewellery. But someone you presumably love just asked you to spend the rest of your life with him. Disappointed is probably not a reaction that bodes well.

skinnyhotchoc · 07/05/2020 21:37

I didn't like my ring. I just made sure I got a really fab sparkly wedding band. Try and enjoy.

livefornaps · 07/05/2020 21:37

@Fluffycloudland77 you saucepot

livefornaps · 07/05/2020 21:38

If someone proposed to me after sex, I'd have to tell dear old nanny that I rode rings round the bloke Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/05/2020 21:38

Had you spoken about proposals, rings, marriage beforehand? Did he know you wanted a big shebang?

What’s wrong with the ring? Are you going to tell him you’d prefer a different one? It’s going to be on your hand, hopefully for the rest of your life, so don’t settle for something you don’t love. I don’t mean if the stone isn’t big enough more if it was a pear shape and you’d prefer emerald cut type of thing.

ScarletFever · 07/05/2020 21:39

its ok to be disappointed when you didnt get what you hoped for, and the ring, well he tried to pick what you wanted (And the ring is not very me - I commented on how lovely someone else's ring is and it's basically a smaller version of that.) He did his best.

If you really dont like it, try and mention it (not in an argument) and but be grown up about it

I dont wear my engagement ring very much now - its our 21st wedding anniversary next week - the important one is the wedding band

dementedma · 07/05/2020 21:40

Do people expect to wear engagement rings for life? I couldn't even tell you where mine is! Mind you, i dont know where my wedding ring is either so perhaps not the best person to give advice. I only wear my eternity ring

hopeishere · 07/05/2020 21:41

I blame Instagram. Too much pressure for it all to be amazing.

If you really don't like the ring could you ask to change it. I'm sure shops are used to that.

pondypandy · 07/05/2020 21:42

I'd just be a bit worried that he doesn't know you that well. Didn't he realise you'd like fanfare and bells and whistles?

thebigthreefive · 07/05/2020 21:42

I didn't like the ring my now husband proposed with, or the proposal really!

My birthday fell on a Saturday of that year and I woke up early to go to Slimming World, he rolled over in bed and said "do you want your card and ring now?" I was like "huh?" then he gave me a birthday card that had some blurb about spending the rest of our lives together that ended with "will you say yes?" And then the ring was small, the diamond and actual ring size. Which worked in my favour because he then admitted that wasn't the ring he ordered but the one he wanted would get to the shop today. H Samuel. Yeh. Imagine my face.

Anyway, I went to get weighed, came back and then we decided to go and have a look at the one he wanted to give me, it was much nicer, so we went for that one, and got married the following year.

It's ok to feel deflated, there are some really lovely wedding bands, and eternity rings, in a few years you might not wear the engagement ring. Or ask him to change it. You've got to be honest from the start after all

WWMoiraRoseDo · 07/05/2020 21:42

I think this might be one of those things that seems like a huge deal in the moment.... until you move on to the next, bigger, thing. Like how school exams seem all encompassing until you go to uni. Or how moving in with someone seems massive...until you get engaged. Or how the ‘right’ kind of engagement seems important until you’re ten years and two kids in and you realise you never give more than a passing thought of that to how the proposal happened.

I do get wanting a ring that you love and for that reason picked my own after proposal. But much as I loved it I don’t even wear it anymore! My hands got fatter post kids and honestly, a bit of metal doesn’t make you any more or less married 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.