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Original poster

Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

506 replies

fungalinthejungle · 07/05/2020 21:24

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

OP posts:
paininthepoinsettia · 07/05/2020 22:08

I think it's fine to feel underwhelmed, I felt very underwhelmed when I have birth to my first born! (Who I love dearly!) Congrats OP!

Savingshoes · 07/05/2020 22:09

I sympathise.
You are going to wear the ring for the rest of your life.
You are going to be sharing the proposal to friends and family.
Be honest with him and say it wasn't the way you dreamed. Make suggestions on what you can do to move forward.
Perhaps plan an after lockdown proposal photograph together.
Choose a few rings and ask him to choose the one he likes the most.
Plan an engagement party together.

monkeycats · 07/05/2020 22:09

So if the ring is too small, are you not wearing it yet?

Maybe once it’s on, it might grow on you?

You probably are feeling a bit more low because you’ve not been able to celebrate with anyone else, so it feels like a bit of an anti-climax?

Platinum is lovely, I think. Mine’s a platinum solitaire.

Can you send a photo?

I know what you mean in the sense that men are only going to propose once (hopefully)! so why not make an effort. Mine did the whole thing on one knee in a lovely location, but you can see on proposal threads that a lot of MN people would take issue with that, plus the fact he asked my dad beforehand - so they can’t win really Grin

At least he chose you a ring he thought you’d like and asked you. Maybe he’s a man of few words and, let’s face it, sometimes less is more. When lockdown is over, have a party and maybe he’ll make a lovely speech or something?

Plus there are other occasions for diamonds - special birthdays, giving birth, anniversaries... It’s all to come! The main thing is you love him.

ginsparkles · 07/05/2020 22:09

The fact that it is far too small is a plus. It may not be able to be resized far enough and you may need to have a new one made, so perfectly safe space for you to look at other options. Maybe have the 5 stone in gold as a compromise?

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 07/05/2020 22:10

I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited

Then you should have planned an amazing proposal and proposed to your partner.

Tootletum · 07/05/2020 22:11

I felt exactly the same. I know it feels even worse because you feel a bit shallow to care about silly stuff, but you can't help how you feel. My DH proposed to me at 6.30 am, when I had to get out the door at 7 for a stressful meeting. The ring was so different to all the hints I'd dropped and actually looked at in the window, I hoped it was a placeholder ring. None of it matters in the long run. Were very happy together nearly 9 years later.

msmith501 · 07/05/2020 22:11

So your intended bought you a ring and did his best in his mind. And you did???

hellolittlebaby · 07/05/2020 22:12

Absolutely what @wwmoira said

Original poster
fungalinthejungle · 07/05/2020 22:12

@firstimemamma that's quite funny, just wearing something totally different and not mentioning it.

@Bluntness100 oh, it's totally my own expectations that have led to my disappointment. And watching unrealistic videos of peers getting engaged. I guess everyone else makes their story sound more romantic.

@Icannotknit I'm probably not going to call off my marriage based on opinions of people that haven't met us.

OP posts:
FinnefanFox · 07/05/2020 22:13

So are you very materialistic OP or is marrying the person you love more important than the ring on your finger?

Nottherealslimshady · 07/05/2020 22:14

I completely understand where you're coming from. But there'll come a time when you dont mind that it wasn't what you dreamt of and even treasure it.
Honestly, I was a little disappointed with my ring, I'd been clear about what I wanted and he bought something different, but I love my ring and it's a testament to what he thinks of me. Although lately I dont wear it, only my wedding band because I dont want to damage it and I have a labour job.
Yeah it would have been nice if he'd done a speech and planned something super fancy/romantic but asking you to marry him is in itself romantic. And he has plenty of time to make other things fancy. A speech at your wedding in front of all your family will feel so much more.

Congrats on your engagement!

Greenpop21 · 07/05/2020 22:14

He’s not the one. If he was, you wouldn’t care! It ain’t the ring that counts. I’m 24 year’s happily married. My DH chose my ring. It’s a beautiful but modest diamond. He is so much more than that.

SallyWD · 07/05/2020 22:15

Honestly I'd be mortified if a man went down on one knee. I find the whole concept ridiculous. I'm so glad my DH didn't do any of that nonsense. I think some men find the pressure of proposing very stressful. Maybe your DP felt more relaxed doing it at home. As long as your relationship is good and you look forward to married life then that's enough.

fascinated · 07/05/2020 22:15

I’m shocked that’s anyone would video a proposal and show it to people.

That’s just... i don’t know. Wrong. Is nothing sacred?

Thisismytimetoshine · 07/05/2020 22:16

Ah now, hang on... Your friends have distributed videos of their proposals?! I don't know whether to Grin or 🤢. A bit of both, probably.
Is nothing bloody private these days?

SmileyClare · 07/05/2020 22:16

Perhaps plan a proposal photograph together

Is that actually a thing?. I'm imagining a staged affair with the man kneeling in front of his elated girlfriend, perhaps with a back drop of a cliff top or something. Grin

LouiseTrees · 07/05/2020 22:17

Yeh, also got engaged in the house, no one knee etc. Re the ring you need to bite your tongue, it’s the symbolism that counts and you can choose your wedding bands together. Re the proposal, tell him that you didn’t feel it was very you and you’d like him to try again once lockdown is lifted, I did and my now DH took me to a garden in the grounds of our old uni that had memories the following week and proposed again there.

Original poster
fungalinthejungle · 07/05/2020 22:18

@FinnefanFox of course it's not. It's not like I said no because the ring wasn't big enough.

There could have been no ring and I'd want to marry him! But if I'm going to wear something every day forever, I want to love itZ

OP posts:
BittersweetMemories · 07/05/2020 22:18

H Samuel. Yeh. Imagine my face.

Excuse me, is there something wrong with H Samuel? Horrible snob. My engagement ring came from there and its gorgeous, and it wasn't bloody cheap either. Imagine if I had said "Ew, H Samuel darling, really?" after the poor bloke had traipse around every jewellery shop in the city and decided that that was the most perfect ring for me? Horrible attitude to have.

Anyway, back to the OP. Our proposal was technically rubbish but I loved it anyway, just us in the house and I was sulking about something or another and he said, maybe this will stop your sulky face.... Ta da! So the proposal doesn't really matter, he wants to marry you!

If you don't like the ring though, I would tell him and get it swapped for one you do like. I would have.

SallyWD · 07/05/2020 22:19

Regarding the ring - I didn't like the one DH chose. It just wasn't me. I asked very tactfully if we could exchange it as I wanted to love the ring I'd wear every day for the rest of my life. He was fine with it. I didn't want a bigger diamond or anything, just a different style. I ended up exchanging it for one which was the same price. We chose it together.

BittersweetMemories · 07/05/2020 22:19

And I should say that I would never have picked this ring for myself - but now I have it and look at what I used to want I think he might know me better than I know myself!

SmileyClare · 07/05/2020 22:20

Proposal videos? Good Lord Grin

joydivisionovengloves1 · 07/05/2020 22:20

If the proposal had to be magical I'm guessing the wedding will have to be too, He'd better get used to the foot stamping 🤣

JKScot4 · 07/05/2020 22:24

Deary me, IG has lot to be blamed for!
Probably in reality it’s a tiny % that have these attention seeking proposals, any showy relationships/ weddings I’ve known of have all ended sharpish.
Don’t be come a Bridezilla 😉

Saladmakesmesad · 07/05/2020 22:24

Re the proposal, tell him that you didn’t feel it was very you and you’d like him to try again once lockdown is lifted

If I proposed to someone and they told me they didn’t like my proposal and to try again, I’d un-propose to them pretty fast.

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