Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

My dh proposed in our living room and honestly it wasn’t the fireworks and beachfront walks that I’d dreamt up as a romantic scenario but honestly it’s the best thing ever because now my home is the scene of one of the best things to ever happen to me.

It sounds silly but I’ll be doing the ironing and look over toward the window and know that’s the spot we promised to be together forever and that’s so special - it’s not a random beach on a holiday that we might never go back to!

I had the most perfect proposal and I thought I wanted the big thing.

We were sat in the car outside our new house we had just bought watching it being built. I was 5 months pregnant and we were talking about the future. I said “come on then let’s go and get food as I’m starving” and he said “hold on I just need to ask you something” I turned around and he had a ring. It was amazing and perfect.

No proposal here, just a discussion about whether we should cancel the holiday we had planned and get engaged instead.. He wasn't even there when I chose my second hand engagement ring in the local pawn shop, I was with my mum.

He's here now though, sitting beside me. We celebrated our golden wedding all alone in lockdown recently.

You'll be fine OP, just make sure you get the right ring though, you need to love it!

Perhaps he kept it low key because he was worried you'd say No. Nothing worse than staging an epic Big proposal in front of lots of people only for it to backfire.

I saw a clip once of a man who beamed his face onto the giant screen at a Super bowl game and proposed. The camera panned to a horrified looking girlfriend who said No and left the stadium. Some people starting booing. It was awful.

Look how often you use the word ‘dreamed’.

You have written a film script for you to star in.

Come back down to earth, enjoy what is lovely. You are not impressed with his failing to role play a panto Prince Charming, I wonder how might feel if he knew how shallow you are?

Talk to him. I understand how important it is to have a ring that you love. I don't care if people think they'd shallow.

Re salad above. Not what I’m suggesting. She’s already said yes and I’m hoping they are very much in love, doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be honest about how let down she felt with the effort put into the proposal.

He isnt the right man for you, sorry but that's the truth
You wouldnt care how , when , what the ring looked like if he was, move on and meet the right guy

Some people are all about outward appearances and stories to impress their friends.

They want to inspire envy in their peers, and a "look at me!" attention grab

Often people who who have the most romantic pics on social media are a bit like that

But romance is not a bed of roses, or your name written in rose petals, or a violin playing softly whilst he gets on one knee

Real romance is a different thing.

You are still very young, I imagine, so you'll figure it out ;)

It's a shame you are disappointed but try and think where your expectations come from. I think real romance is private moments and not stuff you broadcast to the world for show.

But maybe I am just a boomer haha

Hope you get over it and maybe choose a different ring? If it matters that much to you? I have a solitaire and it gets stuck in jumpers and pulls yarns forever..... it's a pain

The proposal is the event- it doesn’t need any bells and whistles! I did change my ring though - It wasn’t my taste and I knew I would be wearing it everyday and would never spend that much on a piece of jewellery again so it had to be right. x

Oh God, Smiley, that's dreadful. Imagine making a public spectacle of someone like that, instead of letting him down discreetly away from the audience.
He was pretty foolish to do though.

It is slightly concerning that you might have fallen in love with the idea of being in love and getting married.
Maybe this is cold feet? Don't rush into a big wedding until you're sure he's enough as he is.

Congratulations!

What’s wrong with H Samuel? I bought my divorce ring from there and I bloody love it.

It's interesting He took notice of what you thought of someone else's ring. By any chance was that woman in on it as well?

I guess your alternative is to have it re-designed. I have never had the work done, but believe its reasonable cost-wise depending on what you have added to it. You could have other jewellery that you no longer wear, melted down so you are not buying in extra gold or stones etc..

Thisismytime yes embarrassing for everyone. Even the Super bowl players looked really awkward! And it's now a clip on YouTube forever.

I think it’s reasonable to want a ring you like and if you don’t especially like the one you have you should be able to tell him so you can change it.

I’m afraid I have zero sympathy about the proposal. We don’t live in films - Marriage is a serious commitment which should surely be discussed between the two adults entering into it. The idea it would be a surprise is a bit mad imo.

Proposal videos?! Wtaf? I think I must live in a parallel universe sometimes.

Someone I know had the most elaborate proposal - I won’t go into details because it’s outing, but it involved various locations, helicopter ride, family and friends who were in on the gag. The works.

They got married a year later (at huge expense) and divorced two years after that.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want a ring you like though (well, you are unreasonable to expect him to know what you’d want instead of letting him know you’d rather choose your own).

I remember a thread where a woman was upset her boyfriend was never likely to propose. She wanted to be able to run to her mothers house and show her the ring and tell her about how romantic it all was 🙄

@SmileyClare he's the person for me.

We've been through so much together, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. I have zero doubts about him.

But as unattractive as it is, I do care about the ring I wear and will wear forever.

It doesn't mean I love him less or he's not the one for me.

I’m absolutely happily married but have never admitted to a soul that I don’t like my engagement ring. I regret tbh that I didn’t speak up. I have worn it for last 10 years, but took it off when covid started so can wash hands better. Since I’ve stopped wearing it, have decided to perhaps get myself a perfect eternity ring and wear that instead. My husband mistook me saying that I’d want a simpler engagement ring than a friend had for me wanting a small/unflashy one. Not quite what I meant but have quietly regretted not saying something, although it would ruin the moment I think!

OP, if my DP proposed with a ring made of a bit of string in a drive-through Macdonalds, I'd be thrilled to bits.

Marrying someone isn't about the ring or the proposal. It's a very, very long haul. If you are seriously worrying about the ring or proposal not being perfect, I'd also wonder about how it will pan out long term.

Ignore my last two miserable posts, I'm just bitter that no ones ever wanted to marry me 😂

Do grown women really have 'dream proposals.' Good grief.

Hi OP, this is a perfect example of how Mumsnet is a parallel universe. Of course your proposal is important! My DH proposed on blended knee in a lovely restaurant in NYC ( because he knew that’s what I would love) with a cracker of an engagement ring which I adore to this day... it’s a very important moment of your life and it only happens once and I’m not surprised you’re disappointed with the whole thing! The thing I don’t like is that your DH did it at home because that’s what “he wanted”. Isn’t it the one time that you stretch to what you might want? To me, it’s selfish. And not romantic ...at all. Unless that what you want like the PP who remembers it in her living room. I’d be honest with him and also about the ring. Try to exchange it for something YOU love because it is special...if he has your best interest at heart he’ll understand. But I feel for you...I really do. A bit of effort is all it takes. Is he generally self serving?