Step daughter in almost naked pictures

[FirstTimeMum54321]

My DSD has just celebrated her 15th birthday. Like a lot of girls her age, she could easily pass for 18. She is very good with makeup and looks beautiful. She has a public instagram account that anyone could see, and poses very 'sexy' pictures which leave very little to the imagination. I know I'll get hammered for this, but she is making herself look really cheap. There are pictures of her breasts with hearts over the nipples. Naked bum shots with just a tiny thong I'm not exaggerating. I would kill to look like her but the pictures make me cringe. I'm not her mum and I've spoken to her dad about it but he's not interested in doing anything about it. I have a terrible relationship with her mum so can't speak to her about it. I don't know if her mum knows about it as I don't think she uses instagram. I've tried reporting this to instagram but they don't give a flying fig.

I'm worried that some old paedo is looking at her pictures or worse still she'll be groomed.
Should I just stay out of it?

@StarlightLady no I don't think she is very happy if she has to post almost naked pictures to get attention. I'd like to know what you find more disturbing than potential child abuse.

Just for the record, I blame both parents equally. The father is aware and chooses to do nothing about it and the mother should be aware of what her 15 year old daughter is doing on social media. Ignorance is not a defence.

I'm upset and annoyed by both of them equally. As I said before I have other issues in my relationship that I've not mentioned here as they are not relevant to this post. I know he's crap, I am doing something about it.

You're right to be concerned. I'm not sure if you can do much, teenager's have no idea the photos will follow them around for life. I hate to say it but if she was sexually assaulted I can guarantee those photos would be used to defend her attackers.
Then there is employment in the future?
It is an awful situation. I would try to explain this to her even by email, it sounds like you've nothing to lose with DH by trying to communicate with her.

I would try and email the mum. Take the angle that she is fully unaware and you are just letting her know you’ve come across them. Tell her you’ve tried to tell DP but he doesn’t get how serious it is and you know she will understand.

Please do this before going to the school, that is likely to sour the relationship with mum and possibly DSD and it sounds like you really do care about her which is lovely.

I feel for you OP. It’s a tricky situation.

@FirstTimeMum54321
You have spent many posts saying the same thing that both parents are to blame.
What I would like to know is , whether moving forward instead of attributing blame, have you , as people have suggested ,
a) contacted the school safeguarding lead - bearing in mind it's the BH weekend
b) contacted her mother
c) spoken to the girl herself

If you genuinely want to help I would have thought one or sell of these actions is necessary and pronto not arguing on SM about it

@FirstTimeMum54321 - I fear l expressed myself badly. The point l was trying to make was that if the postings are within the tough Insta guidelines, there is little to be concerned about. If they are not within guidelines, Insta should be asked to take them down.

It’s 26 years since I was 15 but l still remember times when it was difficult.

Instagram hardly has tough insta guidelines. They have tons of underage near naked teenager's.
Last week on a thread a 12 y.o girl was duped into sending nudes.
The age restriction could be upped to 16 for starters.

Nothing is wrong with your post or wording

Assume some VE wine consumption yesterday

But your hands are fairly tied here as if neither of her actual parents are doing anything ?

It’s not ideal but from a Risk perspective as so many other teens are doing this ...... is she at that much risk ?

I have contacted the school, there is nobody to talk to and only a generic info@ email address which states someone will come back to me. This was on Wednesday afternoon. If I don't hear back on Monday I will send another email. I haven't reported it via the link to the website as I don't believe reporting it for child abuse will get me anywhere as there is no proof of child abuse, just the possibility that she could start to be groomed if the pictures are viewed by the wrong people. I continue to blame both parents as I'm attacked for not saying the father is to blame or the mother is too blame.

@StarlightLady
I have tried time and time again to report to Instagram, they are simply not interested. Instagram guidelines are really not very tough at all. So I'm afraid I'm an awful lot more concerned than they seem to be! I still fail to see your point.

You are right to be concerned OP. But you are wrong here because you are SM.

I also worry about the content of my 15 yo DSD but there isn’t much I can do, I haven’t RTHT but if it hasn’t already been suggested it might be worth looking at the CEOP website to see if there is anything more you can do - or speak to your DSD and tell her your concerns? Depending on your relationship with her.

@FirstTimeMum54321 please persist with contacting the school. So much is up in the air at the moment but safeguarding duties remain a priority.

Never mind that you are not Mum or Dad, you have this child’s best interests at heart. Odds are stuff is going on at the school & that any parents who need to be engaged will be contacted.

Apart from the explicitness of the images, apart from the association with the school, a key thing here is that her parents do not know, or choose not to know, how to collaborate in their child’s best interest & welfare. So, as much as you as a sensible caring adult can see her as an individual & looks out for her wellbeing, another adult can see her vulnerability & potential for exploitation.

Contact the school as a priority, you can ask to remain anonymous.
As Instagram is so public & there is an association with the school, there will not be an automatic association with you.
How the parents get their act together is their concern, maybe having the school call them in for a chat may help them see sense.

Your SD is fortunate to have you.

Some of these posts have really surprised me - she’s a child in a women’s body and she needs guidance and protection. To me it’s a safe guarding issue that some sicko could contact her or this would effect her if she applied for work. My daughter’s school deals with this sort of thing but I am not sure if that is the same for other’s.

Ideally, you could pass this information on to the mother, but as you say the relationship is already fraught, then the ‘argument about whatever’ may overshadow the issue of how your SD is choosing to present herself on SM, AND her lack of awareness about personal safety online.

The identifiable school uniform is the key to opening this up to the school safeguarding team, & for them to take it from there.

Anyone could flag this up to the school: Mum, Dad, SMum, Auntie, parent, pupil etc. That you are SMum is moot.

I would kill to look like her but the pictures make me cringe.

I also think is odd. I have beautiful nieces, never wished I looked like them let alone would kill to look like them.

I agree with poster above.
Screenshot the images and the ones of her in uniform and email to the school with your concerns about safeguarding

Do NoT send screenshots of them to school!
First of all, saying she looks cheap isn't the right thing to do. Saying she looks good in the photos is equally wrong. She's a child posting sexual images of herself for the world to see. The fact that her own father thinks this is ok speaks volumes. She is very vulnerable as she is so young, and as such, given your situation, I'd report to social services and let them deal with her useless parents. But I'd say that will be the end of your relationship.
It sounds all messed up tbh.